Chronicles of the Wandering Man
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Terra Sanctum, A Shadow on the Grey"An extended story in poem form
106 total reviews
Comment from E.P. Thomas
Mike,
This is an absolutely astounding piece of work. Beautifully wrought images: somber and dark, but always beautiful as only muted colors can make things seem. I love the alliteration, especially in "decades dark dismay." Despite being a long piece, the rhythm of it made it an interesting and quick read. Glad you didn't decide to break it up. It wasn't needed. Good luck with whatever your plans are for this. It's worthy of a six, but...well, I'm sure you've heard that old moan before.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Mike,
This is an absolutely astounding piece of work. Beautifully wrought images: somber and dark, but always beautiful as only muted colors can make things seem. I love the alliteration, especially in "decades dark dismay." Despite being a long piece, the rhythm of it made it an interesting and quick read. Glad you didn't decide to break it up. It wasn't needed. Good luck with whatever your plans are for this. It's worthy of a six, but...well, I'm sure you've heard that old moan before.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Yep, if sixes were a priority I should have waited a day before posting it. Thankfully, whilst I love getting them, it's the comments I want, and yours were most welcome! With a little cleaning up, I may try sending the series out, see if anybody's interested in printing it. Thanks for a fantastic review.
Mike
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You are very talented. Good luck with placing this.
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for your persistence in completing this ode and labor of love. Your artwork choice is perfectly synergistic. I appreciated your recap to re-immerse us in the mood. I could not help associating your images with the Gulf disaster. I admired your rhymes and cadence and hyperbole. My favorite metaphor is the vivid "burnt flesh my cologne." The repetition of your potent line is a quite effective, haunting chant in the final section. I hope you publish your masterpiece so that more readers have a chance to appreciate your work--from my perspective, it is a life's work. Bravo!! My only regret is that the site won't allow me to give you another six.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you for your persistence in completing this ode and labor of love. Your artwork choice is perfectly synergistic. I appreciated your recap to re-immerse us in the mood. I could not help associating your images with the Gulf disaster. I admired your rhymes and cadence and hyperbole. My favorite metaphor is the vivid "burnt flesh my cologne." The repetition of your potent line is a quite effective, haunting chant in the final section. I hope you publish your masterpiece so that more readers have a chance to appreciate your work--from my perspective, it is a life's work. Bravo!! My only regret is that the site won't allow me to give you another six.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you, Joan :-). I'll admit, I think the situation in the gulf is what led me to the town, corrupted by its oil, since the black stuff has managed to become a symbol of mankind's greed and callousness. I'll certainly have a go at getting this printed. Thanks again for all your wonderful encouragement.
Mike
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Thanks for your feedback and additional context. Best wishes with getting the work published soon. -Joan
Comment from fionageorge
I certainly have enjoyed this journey, my friend. What an amazing feat to keep us riveted with so much truth in these well constructed quatrains, written with a real passion. It all flows freely and has a wonderful rhythm and rhyme. But best of all, it sends a powerful message.
Warmest regards, Marijke
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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I certainly have enjoyed this journey, my friend. What an amazing feat to keep us riveted with so much truth in these well constructed quatrains, written with a real passion. It all flows freely and has a wonderful rhythm and rhyme. But best of all, it sends a powerful message.
Warmest regards, Marijke
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you, Marijke. It's been so good to have you along on the journey. Whilst I'm pleased to have finished, I think I'm also going to miss writing this series.
Mike
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Mike. Where ya been? This is some fine poetry, my friend. Wow! Strong stuff like
"Strange fruit upon a rancid tree;
a gallows grown from guilt.
A silhouette in life's expanse,
bereft of what we built."
I suggest you not break up the rhythm with this line:
"Now picture this: a requiem,"
You can eliminate it actually. Good job. I may read some more as time allows....Bob
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Hi, Mike. Where ya been? This is some fine poetry, my friend. Wow! Strong stuff like
"Strange fruit upon a rancid tree;
a gallows grown from guilt.
A silhouette in life's expanse,
bereft of what we built."
I suggest you not break up the rhythm with this line:
"Now picture this: a requiem,"
You can eliminate it actually. Good job. I may read some more as time allows....Bob
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thanks Bob, I really appreciate it. I think you have a good point about that opening line. I'll add it to this (thankfully short) list of things I'm going to have a look at with a minor edit in the light of reviews.
Mike
Comment from Sasha
I am so glad you did not split this. This is an awesome conclusion to one of the best poems I have read on FS. I do hope you plan to publish this. I promise I will be first in line to purchase it. It is simply beyond my ability to adequately describe how much I have enjoyed this. This clearly deserves a six but you posted it one day too early. I have none left. Actually the entire book is a 6 as far as I am concerned. Bravo my friend. Absolutely superb work with this one.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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I am so glad you did not split this. This is an awesome conclusion to one of the best poems I have read on FS. I do hope you plan to publish this. I promise I will be first in line to purchase it. It is simply beyond my ability to adequately describe how much I have enjoyed this. This clearly deserves a six but you posted it one day too early. I have none left. Actually the entire book is a 6 as far as I am concerned. Bravo my friend. Absolutely superb work with this one.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you :-). I was determined to keep this as a single post, because ten chapters also felt right. As it turned out, the final, fifth part to it happened to be chapter XXX too, which seemed ideal! Thank you for all your awesome encouragement and head-inflating comments. They really help me keep going when I get stuck with things. I shall certainly investigate places that might want to publish this sort of work.
Mike
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I am so pleased to hear that you plan to try and publish this. I know I am but one small voice, but I think it is just awesome!
Comment from RazberryBullet
Liked these lines: The town was gone by fire and air;
a kiss blown to the sky, black liquid burst into a bloom
to teach the dead to fly.
I especially liked the Strange Fruit verses!
Well done!
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Liked these lines: The town was gone by fire and air;
a kiss blown to the sky, black liquid burst into a bloom
to teach the dead to fly.
I especially liked the Strange Fruit verses!
Well done!
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you, Bullet :-). It's been a long road, but I'm pleased with the destination. Thanks for the review!
Mike
Comment from Alan K Pease
If this your 24th to 30th thirtieth set of verses for this chapter, I have best start at the beginning. I looked over your portfolio and see that I need to start with the book I know you are going to publish. I find this hard to handle with a computer and not in print. And I am a avid reader of books. It reads so well in rhyme, verse, imagery, and fear that this might take place. I dearly hope it doedn't take place like "The Book of Eli". In fact you might check to see if the screenwriters did not borrow something of yours.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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If this your 24th to 30th thirtieth set of verses for this chapter, I have best start at the beginning. I looked over your portfolio and see that I need to start with the book I know you are going to publish. I find this hard to handle with a computer and not in print. And I am a avid reader of books. It reads so well in rhyme, verse, imagery, and fear that this might take place. I dearly hope it doedn't take place like "The Book of Eli". In fact you might check to see if the screenwriters did not borrow something of yours.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you, Alan. A couple of people have referenced that film when reviewing chapters from this, Colour me intrigued! I shall have to rent it. I would love to see my work in print, and will certainly investigate where to send it, as so many have urged me to. Time to start trawling through my Writer's Handbook for this year, methinks! Thanks again.
Mike
Comment from AmorGentil
Very interesting your writing, some kind of sinister, lugubrious I must say, a painter painting in a black canvas with black paint... The earth was made for man, is like the toy that you give to your child and certainly you know what a Child do to their toys mostly.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Very interesting your writing, some kind of sinister, lugubrious I must say, a painter painting in a black canvas with black paint... The earth was made for man, is like the toy that you give to your child and certainly you know what a Child do to their toys mostly.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you :-). What a great metaphor; we get our new toy, and we bash it on things, try to eat it, and use it as a loo in a pinch! Thanks for the great review.
Mike
Comment from Aussie
A brilliant (if not cold and death-like) description. I thought of the anniversary of Hiroshima the day the atom bomb was dropped - 7th August 1945. This description could have been of that fearful sight. Well done Margaret.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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A brilliant (if not cold and death-like) description. I thought of the anniversary of Hiroshima the day the atom bomb was dropped - 7th August 1945. This description could have been of that fearful sight. Well done Margaret.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you, Margaret. Desolate and dark it is, the emblematic world I wrote this series within. I'm so glad you read through and left me your thoughts :-)
Mike
Comment from honeytree
The art work is outstanding and the words likewise.
Human beings have been very changeable, with their behavior over time
The radiation thrives and man has been punished for bad behavior and lack of love towards God over time.
Absolutely brilliant words to read.
Honey tree
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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The art work is outstanding and the words likewise.
Human beings have been very changeable, with their behavior over time
The radiation thrives and man has been punished for bad behavior and lack of love towards God over time.
Absolutely brilliant words to read.
Honey tree
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you, Honeytree. I'm so glad you liked reading my poem :-)
Mike