Pumpkin Fate
Bad things happen to bad people.67 total reviews
Comment from patmedium
You paint this man's character clearly, leaving little for your reader's imagination to do. I found it an interesting read and you tied the strings up perfectly at the end. I imagine that this tale will stand out from the rest of the entries because you have approached Halloween from a fresh angle. Congratulations. Pat.
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2010
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You paint this man's character clearly, leaving little for your reader's imagination to do. I found it an interesting read and you tied the strings up perfectly at the end. I imagine that this tale will stand out from the rest of the entries because you have approached Halloween from a fresh angle. Congratulations. Pat.
Comment Written 30-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2010
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Thanks so much, Pat. You are always so enthusiastic about my writing and I appreciate it..
Comment from adewpearl
They could care less - The couldn't care less
his wife Laureen, wrapped - drop the comma
You incorporate the contest words exceptionally well in this truly horrific character-driven horror story. Your descriptions of setting make this all so easy to visualize and they set the mood masterfully. The dialogue adds greatly to the character development - I could just feel the misery of Laureen's life created by her good for nothing, drunken, abusive husband, so that when he burns up in the end, I felt no sympathy for him whatsoever. Brooke
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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They could care less - The couldn't care less
his wife Laureen, wrapped - drop the comma
You incorporate the contest words exceptionally well in this truly horrific character-driven horror story. Your descriptions of setting make this all so easy to visualize and they set the mood masterfully. The dialogue adds greatly to the character development - I could just feel the misery of Laureen's life created by her good for nothing, drunken, abusive husband, so that when he burns up in the end, I felt no sympathy for him whatsoever. Brooke
Comment Written 29-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2010
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Thanks so much, Brooke. I appreciate your fine review
Comment from Readywriter52
It was easy to visualize the people and places from the description. The place is run down. Coley takes his anger out on his wife and stepson. No one will grieve at his death. He sounds like a monster.
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2010
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It was easy to visualize the people and places from the description. The place is run down. Coley takes his anger out on his wife and stepson. No one will grieve at his death. He sounds like a monster.
Comment Written 28-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2010
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Thanks so much, Readywriter. I appreciate you reviewing this story.
Comment from Shirley B
Great story. I loved all the imagery and well thought out characters. I hate to say this but the guy hade it coming for abusing the child. This really was a scary Halloween tale. Best of luck to you in the contest. Shirley
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2010
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Great story. I loved all the imagery and well thought out characters. I hate to say this but the guy hade it coming for abusing the child. This really was a scary Halloween tale. Best of luck to you in the contest. Shirley
Comment Written 28-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2010
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Hi, Shirley. Thanks so much for your generous stars and great review...
Comment from Metal Head
Hi.
I've read all of the entries for this contest, and some I'm passing comment on.
Usually I spend an average of 45 mins on a review, reading and re-reading etc, but I hope you don't mind if I don't extend the same work ethic to this story. My fault for reading after any certs expired. I did read it properly though, no speed reading for me.
Anyway, I just wanted to tell you, on the whole, I thought this story was very good. The dialogue especially I thought fantastic. It felt very realistic and moved the story along without feeling at any point contrived. I also liked the way you wrote Laureen. It's an easy job to write about a stereotypical brow-beaten wife/partner, one who lives in constant fear of their partner, and it's also easy to create a character equally as obnoxious as Coley. But it's very hard to create one who falls between the two, and I think you managed that superbly. I sensed that even though they lived as equals, she was constantly on guard against saying or doing the wrong thing at the wrong time. I really hope I'm making sense here.
Anyway, good luck in the contest. Of all the entries, I think this has the best chance of winning.
Regards
Michael D
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2010
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Hi.
I've read all of the entries for this contest, and some I'm passing comment on.
Usually I spend an average of 45 mins on a review, reading and re-reading etc, but I hope you don't mind if I don't extend the same work ethic to this story. My fault for reading after any certs expired. I did read it properly though, no speed reading for me.
Anyway, I just wanted to tell you, on the whole, I thought this story was very good. The dialogue especially I thought fantastic. It felt very realistic and moved the story along without feeling at any point contrived. I also liked the way you wrote Laureen. It's an easy job to write about a stereotypical brow-beaten wife/partner, one who lives in constant fear of their partner, and it's also easy to create a character equally as obnoxious as Coley. But it's very hard to create one who falls between the two, and I think you managed that superbly. I sensed that even though they lived as equals, she was constantly on guard against saying or doing the wrong thing at the wrong time. I really hope I'm making sense here.
Anyway, good luck in the contest. Of all the entries, I think this has the best chance of winning.
Regards
Michael D
Comment Written 28-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 28-Oct-2010
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Hi, Michael. First of all let me say I appreciate your time. Your in depth review is very much appreciated. They are few and far between unfortunately. I notice you have been on here since January? Yet, I've somehow missed your work. I shall rememdy that as you seem an intelligent individual who I am sure has writing talent. I was very worried that this story would be seen as too "cliche" (which it is...LOL) but at the same time I figured I put a few twists here and there that would make it worthwhile for the reader. You are obviously him. Thsanks so much, Mike.
Comment from BethShelby
You did a great job on this one. You incorporated all the elements of the contest and did it with great character creation and descriptions. Your dialogue is excellents.
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2010
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You did a great job on this one. You incorporated all the elements of the contest and did it with great character creation and descriptions. Your dialogue is excellents.
Comment Written 27-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2010
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Thanks so much, Beth. I appreciate you taking the time...
Comment from closetpoetjester
Wow author...this is a great story. This also reeks of a six but alas I dont have one and for that I am sorry. Perfectly and wickedly written and your narrative style is nothing short of excellent....phrases like:
" a drip of a shower, and a decrepit air conditioner that leaked gray fluid year 'round"
"if there was no gravity, baboon shit wouldn't fall out of trees"
"Coley let his alligator mouth overload his hummingbird tail"
just to name a few.... enhanced the imagery already presented by your well told story.
You have dropped the reader right in it and I found myself wanting the arsehole Coley to be getting his just desserts well and truly...I had no idea what was in store but what was revealed was a clever twist of fate in a wonderfully penned and presented story.
Very strong plot, loved the characters, especially Coley despite the "arsehole" factor. Perfectly told, not overdone with narration that really drew this reader in.
It told the story of a scrooge who only thought of himself and no one else got his in the end and how bad things do seem to happen to bad people sometimes.
The fire angle was great and I love the way you incorporated it quite naturally into the story.
Well done and a stunning entry in this contest...
Good luck to you. BTW I think your PMS comment was bang on! LOL
Cheers closetpoetjester xo
PS. One spag...this paragraph:
"Coley thrived on browbeating..." There is one "coley" that needs a capital "C"
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2010
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Wow author...this is a great story. This also reeks of a six but alas I dont have one and for that I am sorry. Perfectly and wickedly written and your narrative style is nothing short of excellent....phrases like:
" a drip of a shower, and a decrepit air conditioner that leaked gray fluid year 'round"
"if there was no gravity, baboon shit wouldn't fall out of trees"
"Coley let his alligator mouth overload his hummingbird tail"
just to name a few.... enhanced the imagery already presented by your well told story.
You have dropped the reader right in it and I found myself wanting the arsehole Coley to be getting his just desserts well and truly...I had no idea what was in store but what was revealed was a clever twist of fate in a wonderfully penned and presented story.
Very strong plot, loved the characters, especially Coley despite the "arsehole" factor. Perfectly told, not overdone with narration that really drew this reader in.
It told the story of a scrooge who only thought of himself and no one else got his in the end and how bad things do seem to happen to bad people sometimes.
The fire angle was great and I love the way you incorporated it quite naturally into the story.
Well done and a stunning entry in this contest...
Good luck to you. BTW I think your PMS comment was bang on! LOL
Cheers closetpoetjester xo
PS. One spag...this paragraph:
"Coley thrived on browbeating..." There is one "coley" that needs a capital "C"
Comment Written 27-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 27-Oct-2010
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What a wonderful review, closetpoetjester. You definitely have made my day. I'm glad you liked this little yarn despite the fact that the characters may be somewhat "cliche" Again, thanks so much.
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What a wonderful review, closetpoetjester. You definitely have made my day. I'm glad you liked this little yarn despite the fact that the characters may be somewhat "cliche" Again, thanks so much. I wantr to nominate you fro reviewer of the month, but alas, I have none left. So sorry.
Comment from humpwhistle
You, whoever you are, are a very good writer. Your descriptions and dialogue are right on. Your sarcastic humor has both wit and bite. I wonder though, if your talents are best expressed in the cliche of the trailer-trash wife-beater? I know I have no right to suggest what you should write about, but with your skills I think you've got so many other ways to go. Even given the constraints of the contest. Please don't let my comments discourage you. Just try to steer clear of the cliches. With my admiration, and my apologies. Lee
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2010
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You, whoever you are, are a very good writer. Your descriptions and dialogue are right on. Your sarcastic humor has both wit and bite. I wonder though, if your talents are best expressed in the cliche of the trailer-trash wife-beater? I know I have no right to suggest what you should write about, but with your skills I think you've got so many other ways to go. Even given the constraints of the contest. Please don't let my comments discourage you. Just try to steer clear of the cliches. With my admiration, and my apologies. Lee
Comment Written 26-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2010
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No need for appologies, Lee. You are right on and I thought that when I was nearly half through...but then I was having fun with it and kept on ging.. LOL..Glad you liked it and are so understanding. Thanks for your compliments...Talk to you later...
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uh-uh, I can't place your face, stranger, but your voice is familiar...Peace, Lee
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LOl...Thanks, Lee...(B)
Comment from sibhus
I'm giving you five stars for the writng and your excellent descriptions, but I think you have been very sterotypical in your choice of a factory worker as a drunken, wife-beating child abuser. A little food for thought, my neighbor ,to the west of me, is a Plumbinng contractor, who when not kissing the town councils ass is drunk. His wife has linger diese that causes black eyes and broken ribs. While on the other side of me lives a factory worker, who is a Jehovah's Witness,and after 22 years I have yet to see him drunk or abusive.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2010
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I'm giving you five stars for the writng and your excellent descriptions, but I think you have been very sterotypical in your choice of a factory worker as a drunken, wife-beating child abuser. A little food for thought, my neighbor ,to the west of me, is a Plumbinng contractor, who when not kissing the town councils ass is drunk. His wife has linger diese that causes black eyes and broken ribs. While on the other side of me lives a factory worker, who is a Jehovah's Witness,and after 22 years I have yet to see him drunk or abusive.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2010
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Hi, Sibhus...Yes, you are entirely right. I agree, but will wait to change it...Thanks so much....Bob
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello author
I was glued to your story
You have a unique way to make a reader desire to keep on reading with your vivid details, your strong dialogue and yes violent scenes.
Gert
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2010
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Hello author
I was glued to your story
You have a unique way to make a reader desire to keep on reading with your vivid details, your strong dialogue and yes violent scenes.
Gert
Comment Written 26-Oct-2010
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2010
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Thanks so much Gert. I truly appreciate your review and especially your beautiful extra stars.! Wow!
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You are welcome
Gert