Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 7 "Part One chapter three"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
84 total reviews
Comment from Jonez08
The Dad is very wise and has given him sound advise. I've never heard of Stockholm syndrome, thanks for the explaination. Tell your husband that we knew he wasnt an abuser...lol. Your sons would have taken care of him by now. Great chapter.
watched the police use a battering ram to force the front door (to) open at Anna's house.
--consider removing to make flow smoother
"Dad, you didn't see how badly he beat her. There's no way she would go back."
--boy, he has a lot to learn. I hope she doesn't, but the chances are greater that she will.
Cassandra
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2011
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The Dad is very wise and has given him sound advise. I've never heard of Stockholm syndrome, thanks for the explaination. Tell your husband that we knew he wasnt an abuser...lol. Your sons would have taken care of him by now. Great chapter.
watched the police use a battering ram to force the front door (to) open at Anna's house.
--consider removing to make flow smoother
"Dad, you didn't see how badly he beat her. There's no way she would go back."
--boy, he has a lot to learn. I hope she doesn't, but the chances are greater that she will.
Cassandra
Comment Written 18-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. I appreciate your suggestions.
Comment from DonandVicki
I love the complicated message that you put through so loud and clear. Women and Men do not have to put up with the crap of abuse..Thank you for a good read...Don
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2011
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I love the complicated message that you put through so loud and clear. Women and Men do not have to put up with the crap of abuse..Thank you for a good read...Don
Comment Written 17-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from R. K. Alan
LOL... loved the last line of your author note. The way you write and your sensitive nature gave every indication you are in a happy loving relationship. I enjoyed the read and found no technical issues. I love the relationship between Troy and his "parents" Glad the scumbag was hauled off in cuffs, but knowing our judicial system, he'll be on the streets in a few hours. Ray aka R. K. Alan
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2011
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LOL... loved the last line of your author note. The way you write and your sensitive nature gave every indication you are in a happy loving relationship. I enjoyed the read and found no technical issues. I love the relationship between Troy and his "parents" Glad the scumbag was hauled off in cuffs, but knowing our judicial system, he'll be on the streets in a few hours. Ray aka R. K. Alan
Comment Written 17-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2011
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Are you reading over my shoulder? I appreciate your kind review.
Comment from axelbeariter
Troy parked the car in the circle driveway and glanced at the huge house./circular sounds better----black leather-overstuffed chair/overstuffed black leather chair sounds better----spouse abuse."/Try: spousal----I used to caddie for you and you three used to try to convince me to become a lawyer."/Try:I used to caddie for you and them, and all of you used to try----Paul stroked at worn baseball sitting on in a display on his desk/use an a instead of at and drop the first on after sitting----homerun/s/b home run----longtime/s/b long time----My husband has asked me to add in my author's notes that he does not abuse me./no need, you don't live in Sweden anymore, do you?
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2011
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Troy parked the car in the circle driveway and glanced at the huge house./circular sounds better----black leather-overstuffed chair/overstuffed black leather chair sounds better----spouse abuse."/Try: spousal----I used to caddie for you and you three used to try to convince me to become a lawyer."/Try:I used to caddie for you and them, and all of you used to try----Paul stroked at worn baseball sitting on in a display on his desk/use an a instead of at and drop the first on after sitting----homerun/s/b home run----longtime/s/b long time----My husband has asked me to add in my author's notes that he does not abuse me./no need, you don't live in Sweden anymore, do you?
Comment Written 17-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2011
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I made a hard copy of your suggestions so I don't miss any. Thank you for your eagle eye.
Comment from quashdog
Down here in the Valley, the Mexican machismo character only ensures that our local cops are always busy with domestic abuse calls.
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2011
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Down here in the Valley, the Mexican machismo character only ensures that our local cops are always busy with domestic abuse calls.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2011
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I didn't know that. Thank you for the information and the kind review.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
I'm sure your husband does no such thing. OW, you wouldn't be on Fanstory. And yes, Troy needs to stay in the background, especially since Bobby's going to be out on bail rather soon.
I enjoyed this read and have several comments:
"He formed fists as he overheard Bobby shout, "That bitch deserved everything she got," as (I'd break the sentence here) they forced him into the patrol car's backseat." I don't think it's a good idea to use an "as" phrase to modify another "as" phrase.
"I [I'd] better make some ice tea and bring in some cookies."
"She's [She was] already considering divorce."
"Paul stroked at [a] worn baseball sitting on in a display on his desk."
Dave
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2011
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Barbara,
I'm sure your husband does no such thing. OW, you wouldn't be on Fanstory. And yes, Troy needs to stay in the background, especially since Bobby's going to be out on bail rather soon.
I enjoyed this read and have several comments:
"He formed fists as he overheard Bobby shout, "That bitch deserved everything she got," as (I'd break the sentence here) they forced him into the patrol car's backseat." I don't think it's a good idea to use an "as" phrase to modify another "as" phrase.
"I [I'd] better make some ice tea and bring in some cookies."
"She's [She was] already considering divorce."
"Paul stroked at [a] worn baseball sitting on in a display on his desk."
Dave
Comment Written 17-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2011
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Thank you for the kind review and the eagle eye. Some of my reviewers were concerned about me becaust they thought my posts were TOO realistic so my husband was worried after he saw some of the reviews.
Comment from teacherdub
The story is continuing to hold my attention. The escalation of the abuse is pivotal in this segment. I can see the connection between Anna and Troy as his caring builds to intervening. The action is strong, and the underlying dimensions are reaching crescendo also. td
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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The story is continuing to hold my attention. The escalation of the abuse is pivotal in this segment. I can see the connection between Anna and Troy as his caring builds to intervening. The action is strong, and the underlying dimensions are reaching crescendo also. td
Comment Written 17-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Belinda
Ha-ha, Barbara, I think you write too convincingly so your husband becomes wary. This is an interesting chapter. I don't notice small mistakes like we very often do when editing or rewriting a piece. (So Troy was adopted?)
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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Ha-ha, Barbara, I think you write too convincingly so your husband becomes wary. This is an interesting chapter. I don't notice small mistakes like we very often do when editing or rewriting a piece. (So Troy was adopted?)
Comment Written 17-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and support.
Comment from ulster3
Hello barbara...
This is another exceptional addition to the story. I like the reference to the Stolkholm syndrome. You must do plenty of research. Thanks for another scintillating read.
Fondly, Rebecca
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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Hello barbara...
This is another exceptional addition to the story. I like the reference to the Stolkholm syndrome. You must do plenty of research. Thanks for another scintillating read.
Fondly, Rebecca
Comment Written 17-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and support.
Comment from stanishmichelle
You wrote about domestic violence so convincingly that I thought it was from experience. You are a talented writer. Glad you husband insisted on the footnote. I am relieved Anna and her son were rescued, and will get medical attention. Bobby belongs in prison. Hope he stays there. Troy has a loving family and I hope Anna will seek couselling. The story came with excitement and grabbed my attention. It is one that plays out each day in our society.
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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You wrote about domestic violence so convincingly that I thought it was from experience. You are a talented writer. Glad you husband insisted on the footnote. I am relieved Anna and her son were rescued, and will get medical attention. Bobby belongs in prison. Hope he stays there. Troy has a loving family and I hope Anna will seek couselling. The story came with excitement and grabbed my attention. It is one that plays out each day in our society.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2011
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.