Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 44 "part 1 Chapter 14"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
64 total reviews
Comment from Veronica Grace
Dogs! Hope all turns out all right. This was an enjoyable chapter and am looking forward to reading more. I didn't see anything to change or crit. good work.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011
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Dogs! Hope all turns out all right. This was an enjoyable chapter and am looking forward to reading more. I didn't see anything to change or crit. good work.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from mumsyone
So typical of young mothers, thinking nothing can happen in just a few seconds or minutes! Good chapter.
"Sorry, I can't identify the vehicle with the loud mufflers (muffler).
It doesn't matter(;) anywhere will be special.
"There's Michael. I knew it wouldn't (be) long."
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011
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So typical of young mothers, thinking nothing can happen in just a few seconds or minutes! Good chapter.
"Sorry, I can't identify the vehicle with the loud mufflers (muffler).
It doesn't matter(;) anywhere will be special.
"There's Michael. I knew it wouldn't (be) long."
Comment Written 11-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011
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I will take care of those areas. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Oh my goodness you've left me in mid scream as it were.
Great penned work as always. I felt the beginning confidence in Anna. Settling into more day to day chores, and relaxing a tad more.
Nothing stood out for me as needing work. This filled the scene of the story nicely. And you have me on pins and needles with the dogs.
Thanks for sharing and Merry Christmas.
Maureen
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011
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Oh my goodness you've left me in mid scream as it were.
Great penned work as always. I felt the beginning confidence in Anna. Settling into more day to day chores, and relaxing a tad more.
Nothing stood out for me as needing work. This filled the scene of the story nicely. And you have me on pins and needles with the dogs.
Thanks for sharing and Merry Christmas.
Maureen
Comment Written 11-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
so Anna read Michael a story and put him to bed, before[and then] she curled up to read a book.
She adjusted the blankets on Michael, before going to her
room. --- If you keep it this way, no comma in front of "before." I think it would flow better, though, if you switched it around.
Before going to her room, she adjusted the blankets on Michael. OR
On the way to her room, she adjusted ...
Before Anna crawled back in bed, she turned off the light. --- This is the third "before" you've used. Why not just tell it chronologically? "She turned off the light and crawled back into bed."
Tomorrow I'll have lunch with Troy. I wonder where we'll eat. It doesn't matter[. A]nywhere will be special.
"There's Michael. I knew it wouldn't [be] long."
Anna struggled to carry Michael[ and] the walker[ while dragging] the vacuum outside.
I was holding my breath expecting Michael to be snatched again. A dog?
Roberta
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011
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so Anna read Michael a story and put him to bed, before[and then] she curled up to read a book.
She adjusted the blankets on Michael, before going to her
room. --- If you keep it this way, no comma in front of "before." I think it would flow better, though, if you switched it around.
Before going to her room, she adjusted the blankets on Michael. OR
On the way to her room, she adjusted ...
Before Anna crawled back in bed, she turned off the light. --- This is the third "before" you've used. Why not just tell it chronologically? "She turned off the light and crawled back into bed."
Tomorrow I'll have lunch with Troy. I wonder where we'll eat. It doesn't matter[. A]nywhere will be special.
"There's Michael. I knew it wouldn't [be] long."
Anna struggled to carry Michael[ and] the walker[ while dragging] the vacuum outside.
I was holding my breath expecting Michael to be snatched again. A dog?
Roberta
Comment Written 11-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011
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I have made the corrections. Thank you for the your kind review and the help. I appreciate both.
Comment from missy98writer
Barbara,
Chapter forty-four is wonderfully written with excellent descriptive writing and great dialogue. Your story is riveting and splendidly penned. I like how you show and not tell. This is really a super chapter and as I read your chapter ten I could see the action take place in my head with fine imagery. I liked the fact Troy checked Anna's butt out. I hope they stop that dog from getting Anna's son. I'd recommend your latest chapter, to other reviewers as a 'must' read for a fabulous time. I'd encourage you to keep moving forward with your entertaining story, my friend. I hope to catch your next chapter. Please have a blessed day...Melissa.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011
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Barbara,
Chapter forty-four is wonderfully written with excellent descriptive writing and great dialogue. Your story is riveting and splendidly penned. I like how you show and not tell. This is really a super chapter and as I read your chapter ten I could see the action take place in my head with fine imagery. I liked the fact Troy checked Anna's butt out. I hope they stop that dog from getting Anna's son. I'd recommend your latest chapter, to other reviewers as a 'must' read for a fabulous time. I'd encourage you to keep moving forward with your entertaining story, my friend. I hope to catch your next chapter. Please have a blessed day...Melissa.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011
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Thank you for the kind review and your continued support.
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Barbara,
Unless I miss my guess I think Anna and Troy are in love. I wonder who will make the first move? As I read this chapter I had a feeling of doom as I fear for both Anna and Michael. Also the dog going toward Michael might not be just and accident or is it contrived? You have such good writing skills and I love this story. Bless you, chey
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011
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Hi Barbara,
Unless I miss my guess I think Anna and Troy are in love. I wonder who will make the first move? As I read this chapter I had a feeling of doom as I fear for both Anna and Michael. Also the dog going toward Michael might not be just and accident or is it contrived? You have such good writing skills and I love this story. Bless you, chey
Comment Written 11-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011
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I am anxious to see who makes the first move myself. Thank you for the kind review.
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That's funny!
Comment from sweetwoodjax
this is very well written, barbara, a great job writing this chapter of your book where anna is getting harassed by phone calls and now it looks like michael is about to be saved by troy from a dog attack.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011
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this is very well written, barbara, a great job writing this chapter of your book where anna is getting harassed by phone calls and now it looks like michael is about to be saved by troy from a dog attack.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from robina1978
Always something happening to poor Anna again. She really tries to pick up her life and then a dog going towards Michael, but I am sure Troy will prevent any damage.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011
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Always something happening to poor Anna again. She really tries to pick up her life and then a dog going towards Michael, but I am sure Troy will prevent any damage.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from purrfect tale
I wanted to scream, "Put the kid in the car seat while you clean!" Of course, that would have wrecked the suspense.
Notes:
It doesn't matter(,) anywhere will be special.
Early Saturday morning(,) Anna lay in bed.
I agree(,) that sounds like a good plan.
(l)aundromat,
Anna struggled to carry Michael, the walker, and drug the vacuum outside. - This feels a little awkward. Maybe something like: Anna struggled to carry Michael and the walker, while dragging the vacuum outside.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011
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I wanted to scream, "Put the kid in the car seat while you clean!" Of course, that would have wrecked the suspense.
Notes:
It doesn't matter(,) anywhere will be special.
Early Saturday morning(,) Anna lay in bed.
I agree(,) that sounds like a good plan.
(l)aundromat,
Anna struggled to carry Michael, the walker, and drug the vacuum outside. - This feels a little awkward. Maybe something like: Anna struggled to carry Michael and the walker, while dragging the vacuum outside.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011
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My spell check always put automatically put a capital on laundromat, I got tired of correcting it, so left it. I will make the corrections. Thank you.
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My spell checker capitalizes the weirdest things too! How strange.
Comment from Karen Payton Holt
The mundane everyday routine gathering speed nicely.
I know something is going to happen, every little sound-bite of a moment that is going right, leads me in trepidation to the moment when it all goes horribly wrong.
A great post that notches up the tension so well.
I can see the dog. barrelling towards little Michael, and am holding my breath.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011
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The mundane everyday routine gathering speed nicely.
I know something is going to happen, every little sound-bite of a moment that is going right, leads me in trepidation to the moment when it all goes horribly wrong.
A great post that notches up the tension so well.
I can see the dog. barrelling towards little Michael, and am holding my breath.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2011
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.