Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 70 "part one, Chapter 21"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
75 total reviews
Comment from fictionwriter
It must be hard for Anna to go where the attack happened, even though she doesn't remember. I can't wait to read the next installment. Well done. Just a couple minor things.
After Troy opened the door, the nurse pushed it into the hall.(the it reads like she pushed the door into the hall, but I think you mean the wheelchair, maybe change it to Anna, or something to make that more clear)
Moments later(,) Troy opened the passenger front door.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
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It must be hard for Anna to go where the attack happened, even though she doesn't remember. I can't wait to read the next installment. Well done. Just a couple minor things.
After Troy opened the door, the nurse pushed it into the hall.(the it reads like she pushed the door into the hall, but I think you mean the wheelchair, maybe change it to Anna, or something to make that more clear)
Moments later(,) Troy opened the passenger front door.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
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I orginally had wheel chair there, but a reviewer gave me a four because I had too much description. She said it was understood and I needed to take it out, so I did. It is back in. I need to listen to me. Thank you for the kind review.
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Yes, not always are they right, but then I'm not right all the time either. I prefer more description to less, and most the editors I know do too.
Comment from Misrael
I wish that I had started reading this a long time ago but I just started. I found it to be very good and interesting. Keep up the good work.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
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I wish that I had started reading this a long time ago but I just started. I found it to be very good and interesting. Keep up the good work.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Belinda
Hi,Barbara, this chapter is not long enough for me...:) Seems that Anna had amnesia and did not remember certain things including the dreadful experience. Go on your holiday, I'llbe waiting.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
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Hi,Barbara, this chapter is not long enough for me...:) Seems that Anna had amnesia and did not remember certain things including the dreadful experience. Go on your holiday, I'llbe waiting.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from xxjsfuncxxxity
This one moves along nicely and held my attention all the way through. I think what I like most about this work is the fact that it feels real and authentic, almost voyeuristic reading, which makes for a great story. It's obvious the author is very close to the material and that comes through in the great dialogue and pacing. Well done.
keep going...
cheers
js
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
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This one moves along nicely and held my attention all the way through. I think what I like most about this work is the fact that it feels real and authentic, almost voyeuristic reading, which makes for a great story. It's obvious the author is very close to the material and that comes through in the great dialogue and pacing. Well done.
keep going...
cheers
js
Comment Written 10-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from purrfect tale
Your writing is good, as always. But I find this a little hard to believe. I don't think people who cared about her would let her walk into this without telling her what happened first. Especially after being in a coma. I would think being hit over the head with it this way would cause too much stress on her. This is just my opinion, though.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
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Your writing is good, as always. But I find this a little hard to believe. I don't think people who cared about her would let her walk into this without telling her what happened first. Especially after being in a coma. I would think being hit over the head with it this way would cause too much stress on her. This is just my opinion, though.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
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I have done research and it seems to go both ways. I chose this way. I may change my mind, if I can't pull it off. Thank you for your concern.
Comment from judiverse
Anna's so brave, thinking she's ready to go home. You did a fine job of showing how she is still having trouble remembering what happened. After such a life-threatening experience, it's no wonder. The dialogue sounds realistic, and you've chosen a good way to indicate what Anna's thinking. Her collapse at the end of the chapter adds to the tension. Readers will want to continue to see how she recovers from this spell. judi
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
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Anna's so brave, thinking she's ready to go home. You did a fine job of showing how she is still having trouble remembering what happened. After such a life-threatening experience, it's no wonder. The dialogue sounds realistic, and you've chosen a good way to indicate what Anna's thinking. Her collapse at the end of the chapter adds to the tension. Readers will want to continue to see how she recovers from this spell. judi
Comment Written 10-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You're so welcome. judi
Comment from gramalot8
Barbara, yay for the kitty's sake.. LOL
And, now this part of the story is very moving. It would be natural to feel apprehension, even if she's not sure why she does. Good job as always.
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
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Barbara, yay for the kitty's sake.. LOL
And, now this part of the story is very moving. It would be natural to feel apprehension, even if she's not sure why she does. Good job as always.
Comment Written 10-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Maureen's Pen
The story is progressing well my friend. Always a skillful post Barbara. I find I don't have anything different to say.
Your work is flawless, smooth and keeps me entertained each and every read.
With this post I think you did the "recalling" of the incident for Anna to be a powerful section. You penned it very well indeed.
Overall a great piece to read and review. I enjoyed your post. Enjoy your trip:)
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
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The story is progressing well my friend. Always a skillful post Barbara. I find I don't have anything different to say.
Your work is flawless, smooth and keeps me entertained each and every read.
With this post I think you did the "recalling" of the incident for Anna to be a powerful section. You penned it very well indeed.
Overall a great piece to read and review. I enjoyed your post. Enjoy your trip:)
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
Comment Written 10-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from JW
This is a very well written chapter. You could really feel Anna's emotions while reading it and imagine exactly what she must be feeling.
You did a great job on this. JW
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
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This is a very well written chapter. You could really feel Anna's emotions while reading it and imagine exactly what she must be feeling.
You did a great job on this. JW
Comment Written 10-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hi Barb,
I will be so glad when I will be able to give you a 6.
Poor Anna --
I just hate to think what will happen when she gets her memory back to how she got so injured.
Gert
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
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Hi Barb,
I will be so glad when I will be able to give you a 6.
Poor Anna --
I just hate to think what will happen when she gets her memory back to how she got so injured.
Gert
Comment Written 10-Jun-2012
reply by the author on 10-Jun-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You are welcome Barb.
Gert