Another Pretty Face
Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Chapter 4 Part one"Can love survive small town gossip?
78 total reviews
Comment from missy98writer
Barbara,
Your latest chapter of your romance 'Another Pretty Face' is wonderfully written. Excellent dialogue, wonderful imagery, great narrative, and marvelous characterization. Here are some paragraphs that stood out:
He hesitated and took her hand. "I promise there won't be a repeat of your senior prom." Running his fingers through his short brown hair, he continued, "I'm thirsty and I'm guessing you are too. You haven't had a drink since dinner. I thought we could go somewhere private and get to know each other better. We never get time alone. There are parents, Cassie, and townspeople around us everywhere we go." Joe motioned for the driver they were ready.
"Actually I would." She held out her hand and waited. After she examined each form of identification, their eyes met. "I don't see anything warning women 'be careful, this man's a heartbreaker.'"
Joe didn't answer until he stopped at the center of the town square beside a Civil War cannon. "I'm sure once we left the reunion the cell phone companies made a fortune. Your classmates called everyone they knew and told them we were together. Not only were we together; but we danced and kissed."
Joe put his arms around Sara and shouted, "Residents of White Oak, PA. I, Joe Barnes, am holding Sara Riley in my arms, and now I am kissing her." His lips locked firmly with hers.
I'm definitely enamored of Joe. Sara is so emotional but rightly so because she's had a hard life being treated like the town pariah. Your doing a fabulous job with this book, my friend. . .Melissa!
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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Barbara,
Your latest chapter of your romance 'Another Pretty Face' is wonderfully written. Excellent dialogue, wonderful imagery, great narrative, and marvelous characterization. Here are some paragraphs that stood out:
He hesitated and took her hand. "I promise there won't be a repeat of your senior prom." Running his fingers through his short brown hair, he continued, "I'm thirsty and I'm guessing you are too. You haven't had a drink since dinner. I thought we could go somewhere private and get to know each other better. We never get time alone. There are parents, Cassie, and townspeople around us everywhere we go." Joe motioned for the driver they were ready.
"Actually I would." She held out her hand and waited. After she examined each form of identification, their eyes met. "I don't see anything warning women 'be careful, this man's a heartbreaker.'"
Joe didn't answer until he stopped at the center of the town square beside a Civil War cannon. "I'm sure once we left the reunion the cell phone companies made a fortune. Your classmates called everyone they knew and told them we were together. Not only were we together; but we danced and kissed."
Joe put his arms around Sara and shouted, "Residents of White Oak, PA. I, Joe Barnes, am holding Sara Riley in my arms, and now I am kissing her." His lips locked firmly with hers.
I'm definitely enamored of Joe. Sara is so emotional but rightly so because she's had a hard life being treated like the town pariah. Your doing a fabulous job with this book, my friend. . .Melissa!
Comment Written 25-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I always enjoy hearing from you.
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I hope your doing fine. My prayers are with you, dear friend.
Melissa!
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Thank you. It helps knowing my friends are pulling for me.
Comment from LadyWave
Another very romantic chapter! I'm still waiting to find out what Joe's flaws are - I know he must have some. Looking forward to finding out how they will make the long distance relationship work.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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Another very romantic chapter! I'm still waiting to find out what Joe's flaws are - I know he must have some. Looking forward to finding out how they will make the long distance relationship work.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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You will discover Joe's flaw after chapter 4. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from RazberryBullet
Got some chuckles here: "I don't see anything warning women 'be careful, this man's a heartbreaker.'"..."It's only five hundred miles. ;p
suggestion: He noticed her /search>searching?/ the area.
Loved the ending!!!
Well done!
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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Got some chuckles here: "I don't see anything warning women 'be careful, this man's a heartbreaker.'"..."It's only five hundred miles. ;p
suggestion: He noticed her /search>searching?/ the area.
Loved the ending!!!
Well done!
Comment Written 25-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review and continued support.
Comment from Belinda
I really don't wonder why Sara has tears in her eyes and why she is falling fast ... in love. You've described a dream man in Joe. I wonder how they will maintain long distance love...
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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I really don't wonder why Sara has tears in her eyes and why she is falling fast ... in love. You've described a dream man in Joe. I wonder how they will maintain long distance love...
Comment Written 25-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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We will have to wait and see. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
So it's love in a small town. I really liked the line about the cell phone companies making a fortune. All the same, Sara is right to have doubts about someone who works hard and is learning Farsi. That doesn't sound promising for someone who wants a steady man.
I enjoyed this read and couldn't find anything to criticize.
Dave
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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Barbara,
So it's love in a small town. I really liked the line about the cell phone companies making a fortune. All the same, Sara is right to have doubts about someone who works hard and is learning Farsi. That doesn't sound promising for someone who wants a steady man.
I enjoyed this read and couldn't find anything to criticize.
Dave
Comment Written 25-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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Thank you Dave, I always appreciate hearing from you.
Comment from sweetwoodjax
hey, barbara, it's your favorite fan again. this is another good chapter from you, not my favorite but necessary in the long run. i'm drawn to these characters as you make their story more real.
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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hey, barbara, it's your favorite fan again. this is another good chapter from you, not my favorite but necessary in the long run. i'm drawn to these characters as you make their story more real.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your review and sticking by me. I know something we have down chapters to build characters before we hit the big stuff.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
Yea! I have a six to give you. Great job.
"Actually[,] I would."
"I don't see anything warning women 'be careful, this man's a heartbreaker.'" -- :)
Roberta
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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Yea! I have a six to give you. Great job.
"Actually[,] I would."
"I don't see anything warning women 'be careful, this man's a heartbreaker.'" -- :)
Roberta
Comment Written 25-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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Thank you for your kind review. I always appreciate hearing from you.
Comment from anabelle
LOL! Such a charmer. He's truly the epitome of the ideal male. God, if only there were more of them. But then, it would mean we'd have to be more perfect too. :-(
Thanks for the good read.
Regards, anabelle
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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LOL! Such a charmer. He's truly the epitome of the ideal male. God, if only there were more of them. But then, it would mean we'd have to be more perfect too. :-(
Thanks for the good read.
Regards, anabelle
Comment Written 25-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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If men were really that good, we would need romance novels to dream about the heros. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from adewpearl
and a driver's license. Would you like to see... I added the period to avoid a run-on sentence.
be careful, this man's a heart-breaker - add comma
Long distant relationships- long distance relationships
Civil War canon - cannon
Residences of White Oak - Residents of
Barbara, This was a lovely, romantic chapter - he is quite a gentleman and quite a charmer, too :-) I think he is definitely the guy to make her trust people again. Excellent dialogue. Brooke
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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and a driver's license. Would you like to see... I added the period to avoid a run-on sentence.
be careful, this man's a heart-breaker - add comma
Long distant relationships- long distance relationships
Civil War canon - cannon
Residences of White Oak - Residents of
Barbara, This was a lovely, romantic chapter - he is quite a gentleman and quite a charmer, too :-) I think he is definitely the guy to make her trust people again. Excellent dialogue. Brooke
Comment Written 25-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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I really did review this numerous times. I can't believe I have so many errors. Thank you for catching them, I guess I have other things on my mind. I appreciate your help.
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it's good to know I have my friend's back :-)
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You actually do in more ways than one. When I read those errors, I thought, man, I better get those fixed before Ted tears me apart. He had already read it, his review was right after your's and didn't catch a one. Thank you, girlfriend!!!
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Well, good!!! LOL
Comment from Ted T
Hi Barbara :)
I'm giving a "fiver" because I didn't catch any SPAG or major "nits." But then, I'm not a great SPAG-finder.
There are a ton of things I would revise, but it's not my kind of story, it's yours the way you want it written.
I'll have to go back and read the last chapter because I don't remember anything big happening at the reunion. You did promise some kind of "sparky" event. If it's there, I missed it. I'll check later.
Ted
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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Hi Barbara :)
I'm giving a "fiver" because I didn't catch any SPAG or major "nits." But then, I'm not a great SPAG-finder.
There are a ton of things I would revise, but it's not my kind of story, it's yours the way you want it written.
I'll have to go back and read the last chapter because I don't remember anything big happening at the reunion. You did promise some kind of "sparky" event. If it's there, I missed it. I'll check later.
Ted
Comment Written 25-Jul-2010
reply by the author on 25-Jul-2010
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The only thing that happened was with Roy and Sara revealed what happened to her. All of chapter four will be boring by your standards. Major sparks will fly in Chapter 5 and 6. That's when the evil stuff begin. I did make some major errors in this one, Brooke caught them I laughed when I copied her review and thought, I better get those fixed before Ted finds them. I am off to fix them now.
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Hi Lady :)
I'm not SPAG-hunting with your chapters. I'll leave that to Norma and Broke. I look at how the story is written and your dialogue exchanges. I see a lot that can be better, but you're following the "formula" and you're locked into it.
You led your readers to believe something heavy was coming at the dance. If the "tiny" confrontation with Roy, Sara and Joe was it, then you fell short on your foreshadowing. Formula or not, the reunion sequence is weak. That's just my opinion, I'm sure your followers loved it, I haven't checked yet.
I can't help but ask, why did Sara need to see Joe's badge and ID? She's known the man since they were kids and she is well aware of what he does? The scene doesn't ring true.
Also, you're a woman, you carry a purse. Have you any idea how difficult it is for a man to get his wallet out of a back pocket while he's sitting in a car?
You must pay attention to these details.
Again, just me talking here. It doesn't mean squat.
Ted
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Every time we got through the gate at Fort Hood, I see how hard it is for a man to get to his billfold out of his pocket. Sara wanted to see the badge and ID to be sarcastic. I am sorry you didn't get it, many of my reviewerd did. At the reunion was the first time Joe and Roy meet. That will be important to the rest of the story.
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Carry on then, you've got it all figured out.
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I am so sorry I frustrate you. I don't mean to.
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Hi Barbara :)
You don't frustrate me. We write in two different worlds and the two shall never meet. Your reviewers love everything you post. Those who differ seem to agree with a lot of what I've pointed out. Usually, you have an answer to justify what you've written.
You told one reviewer that she couldn't really critique your characters because she hadn't read earlier chapters. Most reviewers aren't going to do that, so dialogue and narrative should have a strong core in every chapter. Not all of them can stand alone, but they should come close.
BTW: I agree with one reviewer who said, Joe and Sara are way too open with the "falling in love" thing. That needs to be kept more internal for the moment. You've already deflated what might have been a great scene where Joe bears his heart and Sara hesitates and fights it internally. Otherwise, you have two beautiful people exchanging teen-like "gooey-gooey" and "Kissie-face." It lacks strength.
I know you don't want to hear any of that. It's just my observation.
Ted
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I will consider it, but I was in Joe's POV. I can't give Sara's thoughts. I have already figured that lesson out. I still struggle with POV.
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What have I explained about POV?
Move the "camera" and switch POV.
Don't the romances you read switch POV between two characters? If they do follow their lead.
Ted