Chronicles of the Wandering Man
Viewing comments for Chapter 10 "Terra Sanctum, A Shadow on the Grey"An extended story in poem form
106 total reviews
Comment from MysteryGirlz
This is absolutely wonderful. Your use of words bring out the sadness and horrible pain. Strange fruit upon a rancid tree. I love this line. It brings everything together perfectly. I stumbled across this and will definitely back up and read the nine preceeding chapters.
Great work, keep it up.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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This is absolutely wonderful. Your use of words bring out the sadness and horrible pain. Strange fruit upon a rancid tree. I love this line. It brings everything together perfectly. I stumbled across this and will definitely back up and read the nine preceeding chapters.
Great work, keep it up.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you :-). It's taken me a while to write all ten chapters as I've made sure to take my time with them, but I'm very happy with the result. I'm so pleased you liked it!
Mike
Comment from nursepoet
This is an incredibly well written poem. Wonderful use of strong words that maintains a consistant rythm pattern. Great lesson in a poetic form. I love it and would have given this a six star rating except for the use of the strange fruit metaphore in the last chapter. "Strange Fruit" is a jazz song written for and performed by Lena Horne about the sight of Black bodies that had been lynched in trees by the KKK before the civil rights movement of the 1960's. It might be viewed as plageristic to use those exact words to describe the outcome of the conflict. If you could find another adjective to descibe the fruit, I think this wold be an exceptional piece of writing.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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This is an incredibly well written poem. Wonderful use of strong words that maintains a consistant rythm pattern. Great lesson in a poetic form. I love it and would have given this a six star rating except for the use of the strange fruit metaphore in the last chapter. "Strange Fruit" is a jazz song written for and performed by Lena Horne about the sight of Black bodies that had been lynched in trees by the KKK before the civil rights movement of the 1960's. It might be viewed as plageristic to use those exact words to describe the outcome of the conflict. If you could find another adjective to descibe the fruit, I think this wold be an exceptional piece of writing.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you, Nursepoet. I was using the 'strange fruit' phrase in full awareness of its origins. My hope was that people would see it as a reference or tribute rather than plagiarism. It's such a well know phrase that I expected most people to understand its origins, and hence get greater depth and meaning from the phrase in the context I've used it. Thank you for your hugely complimentary comments.
Mike
Comment from KWM59
Hi Fleedleflum:) Extraordinary!!! I definitely will go and read the other 9 Chapters... I am new to this site and feel so incredibly awed to read your so eloquent words!
Thank YOU...KWM59 aka afreespiritedfriend:)
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Hi Fleedleflum:) Extraordinary!!! I definitely will go and read the other 9 Chapters... I am new to this site and feel so incredibly awed to read your so eloquent words!
Thank YOU...KWM59 aka afreespiritedfriend:)
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you, Karen :-). Welcome to the site; I've been having a gander at your profile and I think you'll love it here. This series of poems has been a draining and wearying experience, but I'm really pleased with the result. Thank you for your wonderfully complimentary comments!
Mike
Comment from seewhatimwritingnow
Well..I found this so very interesting- looking through the author's imaginative eyes, of the aftermath of a destroyed Earth. So horrible, as you dragged us through these ashen, dark, remains. WHAT a poet you are! I have skipped this one before, thinking it 'too long'- today I read it in it's entirety- taking my time. It is spell binding, violent, sad, and believable! Bravo poet! Thanks for sharing this masterpiece! Betty
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Well..I found this so very interesting- looking through the author's imaginative eyes, of the aftermath of a destroyed Earth. So horrible, as you dragged us through these ashen, dark, remains. WHAT a poet you are! I have skipped this one before, thinking it 'too long'- today I read it in it's entirety- taking my time. It is spell binding, violent, sad, and believable! Bravo poet! Thanks for sharing this masterpiece! Betty
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you, Betty :-). I'm so glad you were drawn to come and read through. I understand about long posts; I often skip them myself, but on this occasion I just had to keep it as a single piece. Thanks so much for your comments!
Mike
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Okay- lol- now you owe me one! Just posted Planet Earth- a bit lenghty for me, but one I think you may enjoy! Betty
Comment from Hitcher
It has been an absolute pleasure reading this amazing slice of poetic mastery Mike, it is as always when reading something that enthrall me like your Wandering Man, I'm slightly saddened that it has come to an end BUT in awe of the talent that penned the tale. You should add this one to your;see if I can find a publisher for it pile, definitely worthy mate, YOU DA MAN!
FU*K! Sorry mate, won't let me six ya, and that winds me up no end.
BRILLIANT!!
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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It has been an absolute pleasure reading this amazing slice of poetic mastery Mike, it is as always when reading something that enthrall me like your Wandering Man, I'm slightly saddened that it has come to an end BUT in awe of the talent that penned the tale. You should add this one to your;see if I can find a publisher for it pile, definitely worthy mate, YOU DA MAN!
FU*K! Sorry mate, won't let me six ya, and that winds me up no end.
BRILLIANT!!
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Cheers, Hitch. You're such a valuable mate on here, you know. Without you and Smurphgirl and Brooke and JJ, this would not have been finished. I'll certainly look into where I should send such materials. I expect mags are a better target than publishers, but we'll see!
Thanks again, Hitch. Really appreciated.
Mike
Comment from Aletheia
I'm glad you didn't split it. This is truly magnificent.
I have not followed your story all along, but it doesn't matter. This flows so beautifully and I love the following verse:
The world was perfect without us.
The beauty of her form
had led me to man's final breath
to quell all chance of storm.
The ending was amazing! This is truly a piece of poetic art. Congrats on your grand finale! I'm all out, but it's worthy of six stars and more in my book. B :)
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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I'm glad you didn't split it. This is truly magnificent.
I have not followed your story all along, but it doesn't matter. This flows so beautifully and I love the following verse:
The world was perfect without us.
The beauty of her form
had led me to man's final breath
to quell all chance of storm.
The ending was amazing! This is truly a piece of poetic art. Congrats on your grand finale! I'm all out, but it's worthy of six stars and more in my book. B :)
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you, Begonia :-). This is the end of a long and thoughtful journey for me, but I'm so pleased with the result, and the feedback I'm getting has plopped me firmly on a cloud! I'm so glad you enjoyed the read!
Mike
Comment from Patrick G Cox
Hi fleedleflump,
Nuclear holocaust is a bleak theme more likely to occur of rogue states like North Korea and Iran join Pakistan. Regardless of the west's weakening will to maintain security, they will not hestitate to consider us weak if we were to give up our nukes, or show the leastsign of hesitancy to confront the threat they pose.
Sadly, that is human nature, an unamred man is always an easier target for an aggressor.
Good poem excellent work, good message, but we opened the box in 1945 and now it is impossible to put back what came out.
Patrick
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Hi fleedleflump,
Nuclear holocaust is a bleak theme more likely to occur of rogue states like North Korea and Iran join Pakistan. Regardless of the west's weakening will to maintain security, they will not hestitate to consider us weak if we were to give up our nukes, or show the leastsign of hesitancy to confront the threat they pose.
Sadly, that is human nature, an unamred man is always an easier target for an aggressor.
Good poem excellent work, good message, but we opened the box in 1945 and now it is impossible to put back what came out.
Patrick
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you, Patrick. Through the length of the tale, I've intentionally kept it vague as to who may have caused or unleashed our holocaust. I suspect that the moment one country fires a nuke, any retaliation with kill so much that we're boned, basically! Of course, you're right about the arms threat. Statues quo is only maintain either by balance or dominance, and it's not worth risking a change.
But anyway, I chose to focus on the aftermath and the impact it might have on the few left behind, hopefully with some semblance of originality! Thanks for the great review.
Mike
Comment from cheyennewy
Hi Mike,
This is a fantastic poem and even though I'm not much for long poetry, I couldn't take my eyes off this one. Your descriptions and imagery are very vivid making it impossible not to read every word. You have a good rhyme and the flow is like liquid. I have saved a six and gladly give it to you. Bravo!....chey
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Hi Mike,
This is a fantastic poem and even though I'm not much for long poetry, I couldn't take my eyes off this one. Your descriptions and imagery are very vivid making it impossible not to read every word. You have a good rhyme and the flow is like liquid. I have saved a six and gladly give it to you. Bravo!....chey
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you, Chey :-). I'm honoured by your rating and, more so, by the hugely complimentary words from somebody I greatly respect on here. I'm so glad you enjoyed reading through!
Mike
Comment from Valkarie
This is an amazing piece of poetry and I have to applaud you for it hence my star rating. It shows a world after the storm which is now brewing as I write this, and a world that could actually end up like it. This is a very poignant piece and you use powerful imagery to invoke the reader to your dark sardonic world. A most creative piece of writing indeed.
Valkarie...
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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This is an amazing piece of poetry and I have to applaud you for it hence my star rating. It shows a world after the storm which is now brewing as I write this, and a world that could actually end up like it. This is a very poignant piece and you use powerful imagery to invoke the reader to your dark sardonic world. A most creative piece of writing indeed.
Valkarie...
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you, Valk. I really appreciate it. This series has taken a lot out of me but it's been well worth writing. I'm no nuclear evangelist - either for or against - but regardless of the tools used, I can see this happening because of the hands holding them, on every side of the issue. Let's hope it never comes to pass! Thanks again.
Mike
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Mike...this was a great insight into the future. Great write also.
V...
Comment from c_lucas
It is hard to get a long story/poem to flow smoothly, but you have succeeded. This is very well written with good imagery and descritpie scheme.
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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It is hard to get a long story/poem to flow smoothly, but you have succeeded. This is very well written with good imagery and descritpie scheme.
Comment Written 07-Aug-2010
reply by the author on 08-Aug-2010
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Thank you :-). It took me a while to get it right, but I'm well pleased with the result and the great reviews I'm getting.
Mike
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You're welcome, Mike. Charlie