Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Part One of Chapter 1"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
117 total reviews
Comment from jadapenn
I'm a bit late with my review. I don't really like reading about abusive relationships, but am interested to see how you get Anna out of this one.
Good start. luv jada
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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I'm a bit late with my review. I don't really like reading about abusive relationships, but am interested to see how you get Anna out of this one.
Good start. luv jada
Comment Written 07-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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Thank you Jada, for your kind review. This will turn out to be a true romance.
Comment from Scornwell
I thought this was well written and sad. Your characters came across well and the dialog sounded realistic and seemed appropriate for characters. While I am not a fan of romance novels, I must admit that you have a flair for writing them.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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I thought this was well written and sad. Your characters came across well and the dialog sounded realistic and seemed appropriate for characters. While I am not a fan of romance novels, I must admit that you have a flair for writing them.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and encouraging words.
Comment from JW
You did an excellent job with this. It was written well and very realistic. Unfortunately, you are not the only one familiar with abusive alcoholics - my father was one, as well.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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You did an excellent job with this. It was written well and very realistic. Unfortunately, you are not the only one familiar with abusive alcoholics - my father was one, as well.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. You can make sure I stay on target then.
Comment from felsep
This is the beginning to a great story. It is a commone problem that few people talk about. You have captured the essence of Anna's predicament. You have painted her predicament and introduced the main characters very well.
Bobby's cruelty is seared into the reader's mind like scalding water on the head. Perhaps a little to harshly. Subtlety is a very good way to keep the reader interested and wanting to find out more.
Ernest Hemingway said something like, "Always show never tell." You had an opportunity to describe Anna's fall into Troy's lap which would have enticed the reader. In your verbal painting of her fall, you could have described how she fell, what he looked like and maybe how their eyes danced with one another's face as they tried to get out of the entanglement. Or, maybe they hoped they wouldn't.
This is an good beginning. You already know you are a good writer. Keep it up.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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This is the beginning to a great story. It is a commone problem that few people talk about. You have captured the essence of Anna's predicament. You have painted her predicament and introduced the main characters very well.
Bobby's cruelty is seared into the reader's mind like scalding water on the head. Perhaps a little to harshly. Subtlety is a very good way to keep the reader interested and wanting to find out more.
Ernest Hemingway said something like, "Always show never tell." You had an opportunity to describe Anna's fall into Troy's lap which would have enticed the reader. In your verbal painting of her fall, you could have described how she fell, what he looked like and maybe how their eyes danced with one another's face as they tried to get out of the entanglement. Or, maybe they hoped they wouldn't.
This is an good beginning. You already know you are a good writer. Keep it up.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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I have had reviews that want more information on Bobby's cruelty. Their comment was the grittier the better. I don't feel that way. I think I have enough and not too much; especially when I have reviews that state it's too much or too little. I will check the falling into the lap area. Thank you for your review.
Comment from Shirley McLain
Excellent job, but I do find abuse hard to read emotionally. You write with detail which lets me see and feel what is happening. Great job.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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Excellent job, but I do find abuse hard to read emotionally. You write with detail which lets me see and feel what is happening. Great job.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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Thank you for yoru kind review.
Comment from amahra
I'm a cancer survivor myself. And in my younger years faced domestic abuse when law enforcers didn't take it seriously. I was kidnapped and shot at trying to escape an abusive boyfriend. So I know what you and your character is going through. I loved the honesty of your writing. I see the start of a very sophisticated piece of work here. This story has to be written; because so many women need to hear your voice. Keep writing my friend. And may God heal and bless you as He did me.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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I'm a cancer survivor myself. And in my younger years faced domestic abuse when law enforcers didn't take it seriously. I was kidnapped and shot at trying to escape an abusive boyfriend. So I know what you and your character is going through. I loved the honesty of your writing. I see the start of a very sophisticated piece of work here. This story has to be written; because so many women need to hear your voice. Keep writing my friend. And may God heal and bless you as He did me.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review. I hope you can stay with me and help me keep it realistic.
Comment from The Stranger
I think Anna will be seeing more of Troy in the forthcoming chapters, Bobby plainly just wants her for sex and little else, Michael is the only real bond between them
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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I think Anna will be seeing more of Troy in the forthcoming chapters, Bobby plainly just wants her for sex and little else, Michael is the only real bond between them
Comment Written 07-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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That is about right. And I think Bobby really isn't interested in Michael. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from forestport12
As always I like your reading and feel I have much to learn and the way craft each sentence together and string them along like beads of pearls is above excellent. For some reason this time and only this time the dialogue with Troy seemed a little wooden, maybe its just me. Her abusive husband did say to her "I repair cars." I sensed you wanted us to learn that through dialogue, but the fact that she dals with his greasy hands everyday, i'm sure he would remind her. Excellent chapter.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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As always I like your reading and feel I have much to learn and the way craft each sentence together and string them along like beads of pearls is above excellent. For some reason this time and only this time the dialogue with Troy seemed a little wooden, maybe its just me. Her abusive husband did say to her "I repair cars." I sensed you wanted us to learn that through dialogue, but the fact that she dals with his greasy hands everyday, i'm sure he would remind her. Excellent chapter.
Comment Written 07-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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You are right. Acutally we will find out much later that Bobby basically does nothing, but much off Anna. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from louparis
Very well crafted start of what should be an interesting book. Chick-lit is all the rage and this should get you a lot of interest. Lousey husbands, dirty diapers, unwanted sex - all for the unhappy lady readers.
Lou
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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Very well crafted start of what should be an interesting book. Chick-lit is all the rage and this should get you a lot of interest. Lousey husbands, dirty diapers, unwanted sex - all for the unhappy lady readers.
Lou
Comment Written 07-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
This is a great fist start of a novel. You have introduced several of the characters, set to seen and are starting to explore the storyline. I think this is great work. Hope you are feeling better! DEbbie
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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This is a great fist start of a novel. You have introduced several of the characters, set to seen and are starting to explore the storyline. I think this is great work. Hope you are feeling better! DEbbie
Comment Written 07-Mar-2011
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2011
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Thank you for your kind review and encouraging thoughts. I took today off because I needed a lot of extra sleep.