Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 34 "Part one, Chapter 11"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
76 total reviews
Comment from Van
Mechanics are flawless. Not a single SPAGE. The 'attempted kidnapping' is unsettling. Not in a literal sence since I know this is fiction. It's unsettling in the sense of fitting into the theme. Anna's overdramatic reaction to the police can be attributed to all the things she's been through but then when told she shouldn't drive, she doesn't balk a bit and sits to wait for a ride. I don't know a single mother that would do that. The ones I know, if they are in that overreact mode, it's pretty tough to get them calmed down. I use my wife as an example. There is no way in hell she'd sit waiting on a ride knowing her child was at the hospital. Even if she was told the child was 'okay' she'd have been in panic mode that her baby was somewhere that could be scary for the child. She would have ran out into the street, flagged down a cab and stiffed the fair at the hospital if need be.
Then the 'near incident' didn't seem to fit. If someone phsically went onto daycare property and got caught, the cops would know who it was 'cause they got caught. If they didn't get caught then no one would know they made the attempt. If they didn't go physically and only tried to sign the child out by phone message or something then the child would never have knowledge of it and wouldn't need to go to the hospital. If the child was nearly removed from the premisis by a stranger; well there are some holes in that too. The traumatic experience would require the day care to phone the mother immediately, not have uniformed officers show up at Mom's work after the child was 'in the hospital'.
I just had a tough time with believability for the way this part unfolded is all.
The story is solid.
Maybe next chapter fills in the blanks.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2011
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Mechanics are flawless. Not a single SPAGE. The 'attempted kidnapping' is unsettling. Not in a literal sence since I know this is fiction. It's unsettling in the sense of fitting into the theme. Anna's overdramatic reaction to the police can be attributed to all the things she's been through but then when told she shouldn't drive, she doesn't balk a bit and sits to wait for a ride. I don't know a single mother that would do that. The ones I know, if they are in that overreact mode, it's pretty tough to get them calmed down. I use my wife as an example. There is no way in hell she'd sit waiting on a ride knowing her child was at the hospital. Even if she was told the child was 'okay' she'd have been in panic mode that her baby was somewhere that could be scary for the child. She would have ran out into the street, flagged down a cab and stiffed the fair at the hospital if need be.
Then the 'near incident' didn't seem to fit. If someone phsically went onto daycare property and got caught, the cops would know who it was 'cause they got caught. If they didn't get caught then no one would know they made the attempt. If they didn't go physically and only tried to sign the child out by phone message or something then the child would never have knowledge of it and wouldn't need to go to the hospital. If the child was nearly removed from the premisis by a stranger; well there are some holes in that too. The traumatic experience would require the day care to phone the mother immediately, not have uniformed officers show up at Mom's work after the child was 'in the hospital'.
I just had a tough time with believability for the way this part unfolded is all.
The story is solid.
Maybe next chapter fills in the blanks.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2011
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The next chapter does fill in some blanks because the PI was watching Michael and stopped the kidnapping, but was unable to follow of the man. I will check out the driving to the hospital. I would think her friend, Ginger would stop her from doing something stupid. The reason she is there. I will rethink it, thank you for the review.
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Hi again. I just want to make sure that you know when I read, I like to give you pieces of what I'm thinking as a reader. That way you can judge whether you're audiance is getting what you want. Sometimes more descriptors or less may be needed to come to the perfect spice. I'm never suggesting you change your hard work because of something I might be thinking at the time. Shoot, we'd be rewriting the world's novels if they all needed to fit personal thought patterns.
I think it's a great story. I've only been in and out sporadically and not been there for every chapter. I think the last one I delved into is back when Anna met Troy or shortly thereafter. Thanks again, and keep 'em coming. Cheers.
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Not a problem. I do spend time pondering over my reviews in order to make sure my post is the best I can make it. I am thinking about your suggestions. This attempted abduction was not professional and was only so the husbands parents could take Anna back to court to get custody of the child.
Comment from jadapenn
Hi Girlfriend, a grand chapter with plenty of good descriptions and action. This poor girl is always in a traumatic situation. Hope things look up before long.
Well done. luv jada
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2011
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Hi Girlfriend, a grand chapter with plenty of good descriptions and action. This poor girl is always in a traumatic situation. Hope things look up before long.
Well done. luv jada
Comment Written 02-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from adewpearl
What's your in-laws' address - add the apostrophe for plural possessive
I was pretty sure that crazy lady would be heard from again.
She's a real menace as well as a bitch. LOL
A very dramatic chapter with excellent dialogue. Brooke
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2011
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What's your in-laws' address - add the apostrophe for plural possessive
I was pretty sure that crazy lady would be heard from again.
She's a real menace as well as a bitch. LOL
A very dramatic chapter with excellent dialogue. Brooke
Comment Written 02-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2011
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I added the apostrophe. Thank you for catching it. I appreciate your eagle eye.
Comment from Roberta Joan Jensen
"Now[] she teases me." Paul chuckled.
t. I think you can go back to your regular routine tomorrow.["]
Mr. Keller stood in the doorway. "Did everything go satisfactor[ily]?"
With a notepad in hand[,] the heavier set officer asked, "What's your in-laws address?"
Why didn't the officers explain what had happened? If I were Anna, I surely would have asked.
Roberta
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2011
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"Now[] she teases me." Paul chuckled.
t. I think you can go back to your regular routine tomorrow.["]
Mr. Keller stood in the doorway. "Did everything go satisfactor[ily]?"
With a notepad in hand[,] the heavier set officer asked, "What's your in-laws address?"
Why didn't the officers explain what had happened? If I were Anna, I surely would have asked.
Roberta
Comment Written 02-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2011
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I am rethinking that area. Thank you for yoru kind review.
Comment from Thomas11
Wow that was intense. To tell the truth i have absolutely nothing to add to this. You are a fantastic writer and it is obvious to me that you care passionately about this topic. wow.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2011
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Wow that was intense. To tell the truth i have absolutely nothing to add to this. You are a fantastic writer and it is obvious to me that you care passionately about this topic. wow.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review and encouraging words.
Comment from Maureen's Pen
Oh my goodness I was riveted to my seat. I thought you did a fantastic job with this section. I got all the right emotions flying at me and so descriptive the imagery my heart was pounding as I read it.
Well done.
Great writing skill on this section....can't wait for more.
Thanks for sharing
Maureen
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2011
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Oh my goodness I was riveted to my seat. I thought you did a fantastic job with this section. I got all the right emotions flying at me and so descriptive the imagery my heart was pounding as I read it.
Well done.
Great writing skill on this section....can't wait for more.
Thanks for sharing
Maureen
Comment Written 02-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Margaret Snowdon
Poor anna... just as
things were settling
down.. I can relate
to her pain exactly,
since i've experienced
similar.
go satisfactory?(")
heard the taller officer asked for her - suggest "ask" for her
an enjoyable chapter, Barbara
Margaret
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2011
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Poor anna... just as
things were settling
down.. I can relate
to her pain exactly,
since i've experienced
similar.
go satisfactory?(")
heard the taller officer asked for her - suggest "ask" for her
an enjoyable chapter, Barbara
Margaret
Comment Written 02-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review. I will correct those areas.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
Well written chapter and the frequency of kidnapping in custody cases is far too high. The children must be terrified, never knowing when it could happen again. Thanks so much for finding the stats!!! Debbie
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2011
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Well written chapter and the frequency of kidnapping in custody cases is far too high. The children must be terrified, never knowing when it could happen again. Thanks so much for finding the stats!!! Debbie
Comment Written 02-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from robina1978
Anna never seems to get peace of mind for any length of time. This involves the near kidnapping of Michael.
As his father is in prison it could most likely only be her mother in law.
How can someone that is a mother herself do this to another mother?
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2011
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Anna never seems to get peace of mind for any length of time. This involves the near kidnapping of Michael.
As his father is in prison it could most likely only be her mother in law.
How can someone that is a mother herself do this to another mother?
Comment Written 02-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Sweet Anita
I need to catch up on some of the previous chapters, but sounds like I have come into the story at an exciting time. Just as Anna thought things were settled and she could go on with her life, something else happens to keep her on edge. I will look forward to the next chapter. :-)
Nita
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2011
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I need to catch up on some of the previous chapters, but sounds like I have come into the story at an exciting time. Just as Anna thought things were settled and she could go on with her life, something else happens to keep her on edge. I will look forward to the next chapter. :-)
Nita
Comment Written 02-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.