Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 59 "part two, Chapter 18"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
69 total reviews
Comment from Maureen's Pen
This was an excellent post. Lots of energy and feel of the escalating danger. The reader is right there with them as you've pulled me into the plot.
Great work Barbara, can't wait for the next one.....cliff hangers...sigh...I wanted to read more...
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
Edit check/suggestion:
"The second officer knelt ....... He watched Ted open the door and (stumbled) out. // 'stumble' or 'he stumbled'
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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This was an excellent post. Lots of energy and feel of the escalating danger. The reader is right there with them as you've pulled me into the plot.
Great work Barbara, can't wait for the next one.....cliff hangers...sigh...I wanted to read more...
Thanks for sharing.
Maureen
Edit check/suggestion:
"The second officer knelt ....... He watched Ted open the door and (stumbled) out. // 'stumble' or 'he stumbled'
Comment Written 25-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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I had that as stumbled and was told it was stumble so I changed it. HUMMM, I will recheck it. Thank you for your review.
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If you had "he stumbled" it would work....great chapter my friend:)
Hugs
Maureen
Comment from RebelRose
I was holding my breath until the police showed up. I didn't know where that was going. It doesn'tt look but I am hoping for a happy ending. Another great chapter.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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I was holding my breath until the police showed up. I didn't know where that was going. It doesn'tt look but I am hoping for a happy ending. Another great chapter.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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Thank you for the kind review. It is a romance so there might be a happy ending.
Comment from Sloegin
The expression, "Alls well that ends well," really applies to this chapter. I enjoyed it, thank you.
I do think you were a little vague in places: Ted drove in front of Troy. (then aimed the sawed off out of the passenger side window.) I had to reread to get the idea that Troy hadn't pulled onto the street yet.
Your dialogue is believable and seems to fit the story. I'm enjoying reading your work.
Sloegin
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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The expression, "Alls well that ends well," really applies to this chapter. I enjoyed it, thank you.
I do think you were a little vague in places: Ted drove in front of Troy. (then aimed the sawed off out of the passenger side window.) I had to reread to get the idea that Troy hadn't pulled onto the street yet.
Your dialogue is believable and seems to fit the story. I'm enjoying reading your work.
Sloegin
Comment Written 25-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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Thank you for the kind review, and I will check out that area again.
Comment from judiverse
Great reading, as has been the case with your previous chapters. I liked the intensity when Ted tried to detain Troy and then the officers showed up just in time. Joel seems to be doing a good job. The dialogue flows well and Troy really expresses his worry about Anna and his own family. It should be interesting to see how the hostage negotiator works and how Anna manages to hold up. Troy shows bravery because he goes to the apartment complex where Anna's being held. Great work! judi
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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Great reading, as has been the case with your previous chapters. I liked the intensity when Ted tried to detain Troy and then the officers showed up just in time. Joel seems to be doing a good job. The dialogue flows well and Troy really expresses his worry about Anna and his own family. It should be interesting to see how the hostage negotiator works and how Anna manages to hold up. Troy shows bravery because he goes to the apartment complex where Anna's being held. Great work! judi
Comment Written 25-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from robina1978
Do I get it correctly that someone got a hold of Anna and here Try got nearly shot but rescued. It is not you, but I am so tired after losing an hour's sleep last night with the time change.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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Do I get it correctly that someone got a hold of Anna and here Try got nearly shot but rescued. It is not you, but I am so tired after losing an hour's sleep last night with the time change.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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You are correct. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Bloomer Burbs
Hi barbara wilkey
A very tense and dramatic ending to your story that leaves the reader hanging and wanting more of course.
A smooth read. I noticed no spags but I'm not the most observant.
Kind regards,
Pete
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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Hi barbara wilkey
A very tense and dramatic ending to your story that leaves the reader hanging and wanting more of course.
A smooth read. I noticed no spags but I'm not the most observant.
Kind regards,
Pete
Comment Written 25-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from c_lucas
This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very easy read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good job.
put the suspect in backseat of the (his) cruiser
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very easy read. There is very good imagery and descriptive scheme. Good job.
put the suspect in backseat of the (his) cruiser
Comment Written 25-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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Thank you for the kind review. I keep getting gigged for over use of pronouns so I cut that one.
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You're welocme, Barbara. Charlie
Comment from Gungalo
Gosh this chapter is full of things happening. Getting all the details out of the way, we must get on to Anna> Troy is worried and probably make some heroic move in the upcoming chapter. Sigh, I hope she is not already dead.
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reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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Gosh this chapter is full of things happening. Getting all the details out of the way, we must get on to Anna> Troy is worried and probably make some heroic move in the upcoming chapter. Sigh, I hope she is not already dead.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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Thnk you for the kind review. We shall see what the next post brings.
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Oh sigh, I can hardly stand it.
Comment from adewpearl
That is one dramatic and tense confrontation between Troy and Ted
He watched Ted open the door and stumbled out - and stumble out
Dad, it's bad - add the apostrophe for contraction of it is
Excellent dialogue throughout
You build tension and suspense most effectively Brooke :-)
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reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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That is one dramatic and tense confrontation between Troy and Ted
He watched Ted open the door and stumbled out - and stumble out
Dad, it's bad - add the apostrophe for contraction of it is
Excellent dialogue throughout
You build tension and suspense most effectively Brooke :-)
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2012
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2012
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Thank you for the kind review and eagle eye.