~Arsenic & Cold Grace~
It's so lonely at the top...65 total reviews
Comment from Erika Martin
Love the description of "She smiled seductively, rubbing a tube of liquid ruby-red lipstick over her gorgeous full lips, smacking them together as she spoke." Oh in the next paragraph you have me hooked. I got to know what he has in mind. Great foreshadowing.
So now in the 9th paragraph the plot thickens as his competitive rage grows.
Now why would Bruce call Grace Jamison a "no-talent Slut"? Of course he is jealous, resentful, vindictive and he's going to make her pay. I can't stand him. Does he have any redeeming qualities? Oh, well, I must read on, the author demands it because he has me hooked.
Reading about the BB-sized pellet of arsenic being dropped into Grace's hot coffee takes the cake.
So by the time Grace gets under Bruce's "thick skin" I see a shift coming.
OUCH! She's drinking the coffee.
Okay I see it coming, because of your great foreshadowing. I bet the arsenic is in his coffee, but I'll never know until I read on, will I?
Wonderful effect: "You are a very bad boy, Brucie Baby."
Well, wouldn't you know it, by the end of the story I feel sooo sorry for Bruce. That Grace is a wicked vile bitch. She has hers coming.
Bravo, wonderful writing. Crisp, precise, no unnecessary words. Great showing mixed with effective telling.
Erika Martin
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2013
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Love the description of "She smiled seductively, rubbing a tube of liquid ruby-red lipstick over her gorgeous full lips, smacking them together as she spoke." Oh in the next paragraph you have me hooked. I got to know what he has in mind. Great foreshadowing.
So now in the 9th paragraph the plot thickens as his competitive rage grows.
Now why would Bruce call Grace Jamison a "no-talent Slut"? Of course he is jealous, resentful, vindictive and he's going to make her pay. I can't stand him. Does he have any redeeming qualities? Oh, well, I must read on, the author demands it because he has me hooked.
Reading about the BB-sized pellet of arsenic being dropped into Grace's hot coffee takes the cake.
So by the time Grace gets under Bruce's "thick skin" I see a shift coming.
OUCH! She's drinking the coffee.
Okay I see it coming, because of your great foreshadowing. I bet the arsenic is in his coffee, but I'll never know until I read on, will I?
Wonderful effect: "You are a very bad boy, Brucie Baby."
Well, wouldn't you know it, by the end of the story I feel sooo sorry for Bruce. That Grace is a wicked vile bitch. She has hers coming.
Bravo, wonderful writing. Crisp, precise, no unnecessary words. Great showing mixed with effective telling.
Erika Martin
Comment Written 14-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2013
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Wow, thanks for such a wonderful compliment, Erika. I truly appreciate that. I was a bit timid about the length, but I literally edited it ten times to whittle it down. I just could not seem to get the realism I felt it needed by cutting it any further.
Thanks again, my friend, I am truly grateful for your fabulous review. You have made my day!
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The realism is definitely there in your great narrative . . .
Comment from SimplyaStudent
I did have the feeling that she wasnt going to die. Nobody that good looking dies in a book.LOL. You missed the t in startling when the cat jumps into Bruces lap. ANd it looks like you missed a quotation mark at the start of the sentence "When your a big celebrity." Otherwise I thought it was good. Well done.:) SS
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2013
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I did have the feeling that she wasnt going to die. Nobody that good looking dies in a book.LOL. You missed the t in startling when the cat jumps into Bruces lap. ANd it looks like you missed a quotation mark at the start of the sentence "When your a big celebrity." Otherwise I thought it was good. Well done.:) SS
Comment Written 14-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2013
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Thanks, SS, I appreciate that! I'll take care of those typos right away. Good lookin out!
Comment from Ric Myworld
Thanks for another great read. Predictable from the beginning, but so well written, as usual, that it didn't matter. Not meaning to be critical, only helpful, I found the noisy background to be loud and distracting.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2013
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Thanks for another great read. Predictable from the beginning, but so well written, as usual, that it didn't matter. Not meaning to be critical, only helpful, I found the noisy background to be loud and distracting.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2013
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Thanks, Ric. I will get rid of that background noise right now, my friend. I appreciate the feedback!
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I don't know that I'd get rid of it altogether,that is, if there is a way to just turn it down to a faint hum of voices.
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I'll try. As of now, I removed all the diner sounds, but I will look into a quieter version. Unfortunately, I have no control over the volume...
Comment from Jean Lagace
I like the writing of this one. The dialogues are quite effective. As for the story, it is original and the way this author has handled this idea of a competition between writers fighting for the top position is amusing enough. I wish you could look over my own THE MOB POET since I used the same concept and produced the synopsis of a story that I still have to create.
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2013
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I like the writing of this one. The dialogues are quite effective. As for the story, it is original and the way this author has handled this idea of a competition between writers fighting for the top position is amusing enough. I wish you could look over my own THE MOB POET since I used the same concept and produced the synopsis of a story that I still have to create.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2013
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Thank you, Jean. I will look at it right now. Thanks for such a wonderful review, I really appreciate it.
Comment from Gungalo
Wow Dean!! This was great and it took a turn for the worst. Hahahah, she sure did have him fooled didn't she. She was very patient and watched him die. LOL evil bitch.
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reply by the author on 14-Nov-2013
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Wow Dean!! This was great and it took a turn for the worst. Hahahah, she sure did have him fooled didn't she. She was very patient and watched him die. LOL evil bitch.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Nov-2013
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2013
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Hah, yeah, you gotta' love her, right? You are my first review, so did you notice anything you feel I should alter, or change in anyway? I really value your opinion...
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There is one thing that I noticed and that is that there is no way to turn the sound down or off. It's rather loud.
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Got it...
Thanks, Gungalo!
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Much better you.
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:)
I do listen, contrary to popular belief, LOL...
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LOL.