Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Part 3, Chapter 6"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
79 total reviews
Comment from Dave M
Barbara,
This is an excellent chapter and a well-done description of an underground network that shelters abused women. I enjoyed this read. Found nothing to criticize in the text, but the "occasional indulgence" bullet in your author notes contains some Evil Eddie trash.
I can see how a forceful man like Troy would make someone like Anna very afraid, and this will surely be a problem.
Dave
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2011
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Barbara,
This is an excellent chapter and a well-done description of an underground network that shelters abused women. I enjoyed this read. Found nothing to criticize in the text, but the "occasional indulgence" bullet in your author notes contains some Evil Eddie trash.
I can see how a forceful man like Troy would make someone like Anna very afraid, and this will surely be a problem.
Dave
Comment Written 05-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2011
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I thought I had those bullets taken care of with evil eddie. I will see what I can do. Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Carolyn Hilliard
Excellent job. No SNAGS fast moving which was very fitting for this scene. His not telling his father about Anna over the phone adds credence to this.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2011
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Excellent job. No SNAGS fast moving which was very fitting for this scene. His not telling his father about Anna over the phone adds credence to this.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2011
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from robyn corum
barbara,
Hi! It's good to run across your material again. This piece is excellent. I only saw a couple of things you might want to look into:
1.)he shut and locked it.
-> this is the second door, immediately after the first. You might want to say he locked it 'too'
2.)"I'm having a hard time believing as Dad and I worried
->typo ? comma after believing?
3. I'm having a hard time with him slamming the paper down and scaring Anna. Just a note.
4. He's 'meeting' people's eyes a lot.
That's it! Great job! See you in the book store, chick!
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2011
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barbara,
Hi! It's good to run across your material again. This piece is excellent. I only saw a couple of things you might want to look into:
1.)he shut and locked it.
-> this is the second door, immediately after the first. You might want to say he locked it 'too'
2.)"I'm having a hard time believing as Dad and I worried
->typo ? comma after believing?
3. I'm having a hard time with him slamming the paper down and scaring Anna. Just a note.
4. He's 'meeting' people's eyes a lot.
That's it! Great job! See you in the book store, chick!
Comment Written 05-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2011
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#2, no comma goes there, if the sentence were reversed there would be, the other things I will take care of. Thank you for reviewing.
Comment from Janie King
This was really good. I love it that the aaunt is one of the underground women to help. I wonder if they have this kind of program in real life. Great job. Held my interest all they way. God bless.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2011
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This was really good. I love it that the aaunt is one of the underground women to help. I wonder if they have this kind of program in real life. Great job. Held my interest all they way. God bless.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2011
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Yes, the do, but only in some areas of the country. I know there's one in Michigan. Thank you for your kind review.
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Awesome..it is much needed with the dangers some of these women and their children face. God bless.
Comment from amahra
Oh, another cliff hanger you little devil. I love this chapter, it's getting more and more exciting. Ok, I need to know what was said on the other side of the phone.
Below, I think you omitted the word "the".
"Anna stepped out of the shadow into the light. Troy grabbed her arm, hurried her into [the] lobby, and hugged her."
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2011
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Oh, another cliff hanger you little devil. I love this chapter, it's getting more and more exciting. Ok, I need to know what was said on the other side of the phone.
Below, I think you omitted the word "the".
"Anna stepped out of the shadow into the light. Troy grabbed her arm, hurried her into [the] lobby, and hugged her."
Comment Written 05-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2011
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I have been gigged big time for sharing the telephone conversation stating I was messing up the POV. I need to do some more research on that. Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Espresso momma
Your explanations of these behaviors are very helpful to the reader. We live in a world of abuse that should be stopped. Thanks for the read.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2011
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Your explanations of these behaviors are very helpful to the reader. We live in a world of abuse that should be stopped. Thanks for the read.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2011
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Thank you for your kind review.
Comment from Belinda
Hi, Barbara. This surprises me as it does Troy. You must have dome a lot of research to know about these organizations, which I think is marvelous. Thanks for the wonderful read that opens my horizons.
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2011
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Hi, Barbara. This surprises me as it does Troy. You must have dome a lot of research to know about these organizations, which I think is marvelous. Thanks for the wonderful read that opens my horizons.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2011
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Thank you for your kind review,
Comment from adewpearl
Am I ever glad to see you? - not a question
Is there anyway Anna can stay - any way
Excellent dialogue that conveys the emotions of the characters well, and you work the explanation of this organization into the conversation naturally. Brooke
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reply by the author on 05-Jul-2011
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Am I ever glad to see you? - not a question
Is there anyway Anna can stay - any way
Excellent dialogue that conveys the emotions of the characters well, and you work the explanation of this organization into the conversation naturally. Brooke
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2011
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Thank you for catching those. I made the corrections. Thank you for your review and support.
Comment from c_lucas
You have a large blank spot before your story begins. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. Good job.
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reply by the author on 05-Jul-2011
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You have a large blank spot before your story begins. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for an easy read. Good job.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2011
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2011
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I am not seeing it. I will check a fourth time. Thank you for your kind review.
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You're welcome, Barbara. Charlie