Comment from c_lucas

Excellent

This is a very well written poem. The battle of Good vs. Evil has been going on for ceturies. This has a smooth flow of words. Good luck in your contest.

 Comment Written 13-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 13-Mar-2012

Thanks so much, Charlie - I'm glad the theme came through.

Mike :-).

reply by c_lucas on 13-Mar-2012

You're welcome, Mike. Charlie

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I am one of those who don't have a clue about the technical side of poetry. I just enjoy reading it. I enjoyed the rhythm and the rhyming and near rhyming scheme. Good luck with the contest.

 Comment Written 13-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 13-Mar-2012

Thank you, Barbara. As with any writing, the primary goal is entertainment - everything else is bells and whistles. I'm so glad it worked on the most important level :-).

Mike

Comment from adewpearl

Excellent

philosophy/fee and flee/chemistry are a repeating rhyme
misanthropy/free are also that same rhyme
dismay/stay repeat day/tourniquet
I don't have the patience to check carefully for any other repeats - I only mention these because it's a contest rule, not because they keep this from being good poetry :-)
Your iambic meter reads well too, but I can't guarantee I've carefully scanned over a hundred lines
good alliteration in phrases like poise that pen
excellent enjambment from one stanza to another
good alliteration in symbol of sustenance
good imagery, for instance, the strand of hemp
Brooke

 Comment Written 13-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 13-Mar-2012

Brooke, you shouldn't need to fix my repetitions, and I'm so grateful for the ones you found. I read this thing ten times before posting it, and still missed those. There are still multiple 'ee' ends in, but they are all rpeceded differently, so I'm hoping that satisfies the contest (pee, fee, tee, etc). Annoyingly, I think it was a better poem before I did some initial fiddling to get rid of repeated rhymes. I think I may change it back after the voting is finished!

Thanks so much for your help and support.

Mike

reply by adewpearl on 13-Mar-2012

I don't blame you for changing it back - this is the kind of rule that does not do anything to enhance the meaning or beauty of the poem - it's a rule to be a rule.

Comment from psalmist

Excellent

I decided to give this a go, too. It was incredibly difficult, so I applaud you. I thought the whole thing masterfully written. Excellent vocabulary choices that forced me to think about what was being said. It had a natural flow, with excellent repeating lines. Well done bringing it down to the final point in the last couplet. Good luck in the contest. I'm sure you will do well.

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 Comment Written 13-Mar-2012

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reply by the author on 13-Mar-2012

Thank you, Psalmist. I'll be reading through the other entries now this is done - looking forward to seeing what everyone else has conjured up. I have great respect for anyone that successfully finishes one of these.

Mike