Pantoum Collection
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "The Boobook Owl"Poems written using the pantoum form
118 total reviews
Comment from ravenblack
Wow! Love all the alliteration and that owl is one beautiful bird. You definitely picked the right repeating line, the drama of predator and prey ( particularly prey) played to the hilt with "her prey alert at water's edge". Really, you have made the reader the prey. Excellent Pantoum . If I had a six, it would be at water's edge waiting for talons. Excellent write!
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Wow! Love all the alliteration and that owl is one beautiful bird. You definitely picked the right repeating line, the drama of predator and prey ( particularly prey) played to the hilt with "her prey alert at water's edge". Really, you have made the reader the prey. Excellent Pantoum . If I had a six, it would be at water's edge waiting for talons. Excellent write!
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Many thanks for your review, Ravenblack. I appreciate your comments and feedback and the virtual six!
Comment from STEPHEN A CARTER
The Boobook owl kills silently, Strong intro
her shadowed silver silhouette 's' allits
suggested in the ghost gum tree, 'g' "
her whisper close to flight and yet Love 'whisper'
stays poised. She waits for swaying sedge, 's' allits
reflected by the hunter's moon. Lovely evocative line
Her prey, alert at water's edge, 'Her' is capped?
will make her fateful movement soon, 'm' allits
A wraith with staring hooded eye Love 'wraith'
her talons piercing SONGBIRD'S cry! A suggestion only
Deserves a 6 but alas I'm out.
Regards:
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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The Boobook owl kills silently, Strong intro
her shadowed silver silhouette 's' allits
suggested in the ghost gum tree, 'g' "
her whisper close to flight and yet Love 'whisper'
stays poised. She waits for swaying sedge, 's' allits
reflected by the hunter's moon. Lovely evocative line
Her prey, alert at water's edge, 'Her' is capped?
will make her fateful movement soon, 'm' allits
A wraith with staring hooded eye Love 'wraith'
her talons piercing SONGBIRD'S cry! A suggestion only
Deserves a 6 but alas I'm out.
Regards:
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2013
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Thanks for your detailed and interesting review, Stephen! I appreciate your comments, suggestions and the virtual six! Yes the caps for Her are intentional. It is the start of a new sentence that runs on into the next verse. 'Songbirds' would be lovely but out of character with the night-time Australian landscape. Mostly the Boobook's prey consists of small rodents, frogs, moths, etc., as they are night hunters, although they may sometimes catch and eat small birds around dusk.
Comment from justmarly
Yes she sure does. Its smart and very pretty. I almost killed a white one by nearly hitting it with my truck. This is a good poem and I thank you for sharingt it. JM
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Yes she sure does. Its smart and very pretty. I almost killed a white one by nearly hitting it with my truck. This is a good poem and I thank you for sharingt it. JM
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Many thanks for your review, Justmarly. Appreciated.
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Welcome. JM
Comment from mfowler
Hi Tony
I love the Australianess of your pieces. This pantoum format is worth pursuing. It adds an eerie quality to this scene which is obviously intended given the choice of language and imagery. I really like the way you've explored the topic by focusing solely on the hunt. ' a wraith with staring hooded eye' is such a poetically powerful way of describing this skilled hunter.
What do you do with all of.your poetry? I mean once it has benn reviewed here.
Mark
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Hi Tony
I love the Australianess of your pieces. This pantoum format is worth pursuing. It adds an eerie quality to this scene which is obviously intended given the choice of language and imagery. I really like the way you've explored the topic by focusing solely on the hunt. ' a wraith with staring hooded eye' is such a poetically powerful way of describing this skilled hunter.
What do you do with all of.your poetry? I mean once it has benn reviewed here.
Mark
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Thanks for your review, Mark. It was an interesting challenge trying to fit the subject to the pantoum! I have had one collection published by a small local publishing house, http://www.ginninderrapress.com.au/poetry.html and have a second collection in with them at the moment for review. I also read them at monthly meetings of The Friendly Street Poets in Adelaide and have submitted several for their 2013 Anthology. Ginninderra Press also published three in an anthology called Collecting Writers earlier this year. I also belong to the SA Writers Centre and they publish details of upcoming Australia-wide competitions each month. I've gone in for one or two of these but without any success!
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Well, what a small world! I recently won a prize for a short story at the Langhorne Creek Competition and that included a $100 voucher at Ginninderra Press. I went to the one room publishing house in a rented unit in Port Adelaide and bought a copy of Collecting Writers. A friend has borrowed it for the moment so I'll check out your work when I get it back. How small is SA? I've been hearing a lot about Friendly St Poets. We've had Jelena 'something Croatian' come to talk at the U3A group I belong to and I just recently attended a lecture given by Jude Aquilina who I believe is involved with Friednly St Poets. It seems you have found the local avenues. Mind you you could easily win prizes for your work if you perservered with competitions. I enter everything. I haven't done any good so far but I keep trying. I have been really lucky with short stories and I've actually been making money from prizes but poetry is a big market. You've just got to be in it to win it I guess.
Comment from womanwriter
I had to read like three times to see exactly how the rules applied, but didn't mind in the least as it was a wonderful read each and every time.. Thank you for sharing this - I totally enjoyed it.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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I had to read like three times to see exactly how the rules applied, but didn't mind in the least as it was a wonderful read each and every time.. Thank you for sharing this - I totally enjoyed it.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Many thanks for your review, Womanwriter. Appreciated.
Comment from c_lucas
Your BooBook is kind of like our Snow Owl. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Very good write.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Your BooBook is kind of like our Snow Owl. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. Very good write.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Many thanks for your review, c_lucas. Appreciated.
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You're welcome, TF. Charlie
Comment from MizKat
Hi tfawcus,
This is a very well written poem about the silver Boobook owl, that I've never heard of before. I don't really know that much about owls. I really enjoyed your lovely poetry.
MizKat
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Hi tfawcus,
This is a very well written poem about the silver Boobook owl, that I've never heard of before. I don't really know that much about owls. I really enjoyed your lovely poetry.
MizKat
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Many thanks for your review, MizKat. Appreciated.
Comment from Evelyn Fort Stewart
I've really never had much experience with owls. They look like a beautiful bird and I never think of them as vicious but I guess they could be. especially when it comes to hunting for food. Very nice poem and flows nicely. god loves you and I do too.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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I've really never had much experience with owls. They look like a beautiful bird and I never think of them as vicious but I guess they could be. especially when it comes to hunting for food. Very nice poem and flows nicely. god loves you and I do too.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Many thanks for your review, Evelyn. Appreciated.
Comment from paulah60
I wasn't familiar with this form of poetry (or many others, to be honest!), but in general, I'm more into content than structure. If a piece elicits a reaction in me, then it has my vote. This one sent chills up my spine! Nature's a great mirror (as I've said before), and we'd do well to have more respect for it. Whether or not it was your intention, this beautifully written piece reflects and poeticises the most dangerous aspect of human nature(at least that's how I've read it).
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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I wasn't familiar with this form of poetry (or many others, to be honest!), but in general, I'm more into content than structure. If a piece elicits a reaction in me, then it has my vote. This one sent chills up my spine! Nature's a great mirror (as I've said before), and we'd do well to have more respect for it. Whether or not it was your intention, this beautifully written piece reflects and poeticises the most dangerous aspect of human nature(at least that's how I've read it).
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Many thanks for your kind review, Paulah, and interesting comments about my poem. So glad that you enjoyed it!
Comment from krys123
WOW!!! Thank you Tony for sharing this powerful poem with fans, myself and other readers/writers. As I was saying powerful poem with a very powerful picture that complements the poem and vice a versa. The imagery is just fantastic with its alliteration the imagery invaded my mind to visualize all the aspects of this owl. Your writing was done very well so well that didn't neither of the rhymes were forced, labored or strained. Your rhythm and tempo was done very well which made it easy for me to understand and meet your poem easily. You have a good winning gob bless.
AK
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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WOW!!! Thank you Tony for sharing this powerful poem with fans, myself and other readers/writers. As I was saying powerful poem with a very powerful picture that complements the poem and vice a versa. The imagery is just fantastic with its alliteration the imagery invaded my mind to visualize all the aspects of this owl. Your writing was done very well so well that didn't neither of the rhymes were forced, labored or strained. Your rhythm and tempo was done very well which made it easy for me to understand and meet your poem easily. You have a good winning gob bless.
AK
Comment Written 17-Oct-2013
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2013
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Many thanks for your interesting and comprehensive review, AK. I appreciate your comments and feedback.
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You are so welcome Ted