Lonely Hearts Meet
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "Part two, Chapter 11"Anna and her son escape from a man-made Hell.
86 total reviews
Comment from rheabug
It seems Anna will never be able to relax even after Bobby is in jail. You are delivering a great message here for all the abused women and those that care about them. I didn't realize you were in Texas so howdy Neighbor. The wild flowers of the state are my favorites. Blessings, Linda
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
  |
It seems Anna will never be able to relax even after Bobby is in jail. You are delivering a great message here for all the abused women and those that care about them. I didn't realize you were in Texas so howdy Neighbor. The wild flowers of the state are my favorites. Blessings, Linda
Comment Written 09-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
-
Yes, I am in Central TX. I can't stand the heat, it's driving me crazy this year. Thank you for the kind review.
-
My mom and dad were raised in central texas Gatesville and Goldthwait so I am very familar with the area. I know whe have all been affected my this brutal drought even here in the DFW area.
-
I am in Copperas Cove
-
That is so cool. My grandmother lived in Kileen so I spent many summers in that area. Blessings, Linda
Comment from Eleanor Buron
The story, in this chapter reads well with no awkward shifts. The characters are natural. Dialog is not forced.
Sense of place is strong. Adjectives and adverbs are not overused which allows for smooth, uncomplicated movement.
Description is well done. Two things: The paragraph beginning "The Rodgers must have paid somebody . . ." In sentence 4 I believe a "he" is missing after "and" - " . . .and he didn't have a choice . . ." - In the next paragraph, check the spelling of "supped" I think it should be "souped up" (car). Excellent writing.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
|
The story, in this chapter reads well with no awkward shifts. The characters are natural. Dialog is not forced.
Sense of place is strong. Adjectives and adverbs are not overused which allows for smooth, uncomplicated movement.
Description is well done. Two things: The paragraph beginning "The Rodgers must have paid somebody . . ." In sentence 4 I believe a "he" is missing after "and" - " . . .and he didn't have a choice . . ." - In the next paragraph, check the spelling of "supped" I think it should be "souped up" (car). Excellent writing.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
-
Thank you for your eagle eye and kind review.
-
You're welcome!
Comment from purrfect tale
You have a good story going here. The characters are realistic and the plot moves well. I have a few minor notes.
At the hospital the doctor - comma after "hospital", it ends a prepositional phrase.
abuses him and didn't have - "and he didn't"
Betty walked in to room carrying Michael - "into the"
walked into the livingroom - FYI - to let you know, Publishers today are split on the use of "into" I've had clients driven crazy by this. Technically a college prof. would tell you the "to" is redundant and half the publishers agree. Then there is the other half who believe you should go with the "into" because most believe talk that way. Just be prepared when you start shopping for an agent.
music so peaceful - "is so"
their song is about. - "?" not "."
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
|
You have a good story going here. The characters are realistic and the plot moves well. I have a few minor notes.
At the hospital the doctor - comma after "hospital", it ends a prepositional phrase.
abuses him and didn't have - "and he didn't"
Betty walked in to room carrying Michael - "into the"
walked into the livingroom - FYI - to let you know, Publishers today are split on the use of "into" I've had clients driven crazy by this. Technically a college prof. would tell you the "to" is redundant and half the publishers agree. Then there is the other half who believe you should go with the "into" because most believe talk that way. Just be prepared when you start shopping for an agent.
music so peaceful - "is so"
their song is about. - "?" not "."
Comment Written 09-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
-
Thank you for your eagle eye. I edit and edit and read it they way I think it says not what is actually there. My English teacher taught us if you don't go physically into something like a bathtub, it's in. I have been gigged about that a lot and always forget on FS use into.
Comment from Misrael
Great story and so sad that people feel they have to do things like that. Of course if it were my children I would do anything to keep them. I am just glad that they aernt little anymore. Great job.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
|
Great story and so sad that people feel they have to do things like that. Of course if it were my children I would do anything to keep them. I am just glad that they aernt little anymore. Great job.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review and insight.
Comment from RebelRose
Another interesting chapter, building suspense for what comes next. Very well done and a good read. Your husband is quite the talented artist, too.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
|
Another interesting chapter, building suspense for what comes next. Very well done and a good read. Your husband is quite the talented artist, too.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
-
Thank you for the kind review. My husband thanks you for the praise.
Comment from c_lucas
You are doing a good job with developing Anna's and Troy's relatioship. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words. Love the image.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
|
You are doing a good job with developing Anna's and Troy's relatioship. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words. Love the image.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Oct-2011
reply by the author on 09-Oct-2011
-
Thank you for your kind review and continued support. I am sure Western writers struggle with romance.
-
You're welcome.