Life, Love, and Other Disasters
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Come, Woodsman"A collection of poems on these themes
95 total reviews
Comment from adewpearl
strong alternate-line rhyming in your quatrains followed by a solid rhyming couplet
Excellent cadence due to consistent
iambic meter
good alliteration in fear of future fall
lovely descriptive detail
Effective turn in line and a truly powerful
closing couplet
one little nit - seasons of the year are not customarily capitalized :-) Brooke
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2012
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strong alternate-line rhyming in your quatrains followed by a solid rhyming couplet
Excellent cadence due to consistent
iambic meter
good alliteration in fear of future fall
lovely descriptive detail
Effective turn in line and a truly powerful
closing couplet
one little nit - seasons of the year are not customarily capitalized :-) Brooke
Comment Written 06-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2012
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Thanks, Brooke
Sonnets are not really my cup of tea - they make you work too hard, but I was happy with this one. Got the tree metaphor done in a sitting and woke up the net morning with the final couplet in my head.
Steve
Comment from Hitcher
Well I'm glad it's not my time, I'm still fighting the passage of the years, hanging in there, undaunted and unfazed by Autumn's tears, Yea I know! Time is going to kick my ass sooner or later... Cool poem!
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2012
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Well I'm glad it's not my time, I'm still fighting the passage of the years, hanging in there, undaunted and unfazed by Autumn's tears, Yea I know! Time is going to kick my ass sooner or later... Cool poem!
Comment Written 06-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 08-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind words - glad you enjoyed.
Steve
Comment from robina1978
I thought this was a very good one: an English one. Two stanza's and then a twist. Strong rhyming Couplets at the end. I thought it was a good subject to pick. Best wishes for the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2012
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I thought this was a very good one: an English one. Two stanza's and then a twist. Strong rhyming Couplets at the end. I thought it was a good subject to pick. Best wishes for the contest.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2012
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Thanks - they only ever seem to deal with English sonnets here, although I did post an Italian one a while back. Might be an idea to have a contest for that type...
Steve
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very good idea Steve, as long as you hold it cheap. Have a nice weekend, Ine
Comment from Taurean Monkey
This is a beautiful poem, the ending of which is so sad, yet resigned to the fact that the tree no longer has purpose.
Poor hollowed trunk where once you stood sublime;
"Come, Woodsman, swing your axe. It's time. It's time"
The reiteration of 'it's time' can either be read as a call for urgent action (get it over and done with now) or a sad lament, accepting the time has now come 'it's time, it's time'. I like the chronology of the tree's life mapped out within the lines of your poem. Please accept a virtual six.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2012
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This is a beautiful poem, the ending of which is so sad, yet resigned to the fact that the tree no longer has purpose.
Poor hollowed trunk where once you stood sublime;
"Come, Woodsman, swing your axe. It's time. It's time"
The reiteration of 'it's time' can either be read as a call for urgent action (get it over and done with now) or a sad lament, accepting the time has now come 'it's time, it's time'. I like the chronology of the tree's life mapped out within the lines of your poem. Please accept a virtual six.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2012
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Thanks for the great review and the virtual six. I'm thinking I've been too subtle here - should I put a big sign on it saying this is not really about a tree, it's about a person.
You are the only reviewer so far to even comment about the ending which I was kinda proud of...
Steve
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Hmm, just read it again, Steve. Image of a tree, tree metaphor throughout your sonnet equals literal interpretation (me thinks). If you want to give the reader the possibility of a different interpretation, maybe you could either add something in the author notes, or change the image. That way, in the reader's mind we should be thinking 'the poem reads as though it's about a tree, but the image threw me as it's a [whatever]. Maybe it's not about a tree after all?' Then you'd have to answer lots of 'can you please provide clarification' questions :-) A big sign would spoil it, though it'd help us lol Tricia
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Tricia, thanks for the second look - I think, because it was so clear in my mind I ignored how difficult it would be for readers to see it. I'm thinking of changing the title to 'My Father' - don't even know if I can do that or if it has to be re-submitted.
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Hi Steve, not sure with it being a contest entry. Why not send Tom a private message to check before you do anything to it? It might be better putting something in the author notes by way of explanation, if the rules permit it. That gives the reader a first read thinking it's about a tree, then a second, but seeing it as a metaphor for a person. Tricia
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Thanks again - I just changed the line under the title - got a different kind of review straight away...
Steve
Comment from cvcopac
Very emotive and quick to be identified with. That's my tree alright. Strong metaphor and imagery, meter and rhyme. Good descriptive writing and subtle volta but dramatic narrative. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2012
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Very emotive and quick to be identified with. That's my tree alright. Strong metaphor and imagery, meter and rhyme. Good descriptive writing and subtle volta but dramatic narrative. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2012
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Thank you - even got the formatting right this time...
Steve
Comment from artemis53
What a great piece. You have personified a tree just as a human depicting the events in its life. What a unique and splendid write!
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2012
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What a great piece. You have personified a tree just as a human depicting the events in its life. What a unique and splendid write!
Comment Written 06-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2012
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Thanks - but what is the word for the opposite of personification? What I wanted to do was describe a person as if they were a tree - let's call it anti-P
Steve
Comment from Meta~Mark
no woodsman..no dontr cut me down..With outspread arms you offered pleasing shade. From life's harsh blows you sheltered those o'erthrown
excellent job!
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2012
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no woodsman..no dontr cut me down..With outspread arms you offered pleasing shade. From life's harsh blows you sheltered those o'erthrown
excellent job!
Comment Written 05-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2012
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Thank you.
Steve
Comment from guinea
Very good writing. The words flow smoothly and with heart. Shows deep thinking. The imagery is great. The picture goes well. Good job.
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2012
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Very good writing. The words flow smoothly and with heart. Shows deep thinking. The imagery is great. The picture goes well. Good job.
Comment Written 05-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 06-Jul-2012
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Thank you.
Steve
Comment from Glasstruth
The tree of life, what a beautiful way to look at it. Haven't seen the movie, but your poetry shows that it starts out with the roots, then as you wrote:
"But every Summer ends in Autumn's tears,
The crumpled leaf, the gnarled and twisted bark.
In vain you fought the passage of the years" Time a youthful enemy captures the best of us. Well done. Les
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2012
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The tree of life, what a beautiful way to look at it. Haven't seen the movie, but your poetry shows that it starts out with the roots, then as you wrote:
"But every Summer ends in Autumn's tears,
The crumpled leaf, the gnarled and twisted bark.
In vain you fought the passage of the years" Time a youthful enemy captures the best of us. Well done. Les
Comment Written 05-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2012
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Thanks, Les. You may be the first reviewer to suspect that I wasn't really writing about a damn tree!
Steve
Comment from Earl of Oxford
A top sonnet from one of the site's top rhyme/meter poets, Steve.
Excellent personification of the mighty oak who's time has come.
Great metaphors too with 'green life coursing' and 'autumn's tears'(falling leabes), in particular.
I've reviewed several top sonnets for this contest today, and yours is um with them.
Best wishes, Ray
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2012
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A top sonnet from one of the site's top rhyme/meter poets, Steve.
Excellent personification of the mighty oak who's time has come.
Great metaphors too with 'green life coursing' and 'autumn's tears'(falling leabes), in particular.
I've reviewed several top sonnets for this contest today, and yours is um with them.
Best wishes, Ray
Comment Written 05-Jul-2012
reply by the author on 05-Jul-2012
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Thank you for the kind words, but I've clearly been too subtle - this was never meant to be about a tree...
Steve
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It did remind me of a penis that was now firing blanks, but I didn't like to say so in case it wasn't. From your reply, I think I may be right. :-)
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Hang on, it can't 'fire' at all as it can't stand, though when that happens to me, I'll refrain from calling the woodman to chopper, I mean 'chop' it off. :-) x
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:o))
No I wasn't being that subtle!
Just talking about an old gentleman grimly clinging to life when all around him would be better off for his gentle passing...
Steve
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I KNEW I was wrong, and I now wish I'd kept my gob shut. LOL x
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Ah, but you can't be wrong if you can see that meaning in it! Gave me a whole new perspective...
Steve
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That's right - so long as some interpritation is made, it proves it's been read and thought about. x