Noise Murders
Supernatural story.2 total reviews
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Writer,
I am really, really sorry - I feel certain you will hate my review. I did not understand this post and strongly urge you to do some heavy editing. I don't say that to be mean, I promise. I think it's pretty clear you have writing skills, but it doesn't look like you put much thought into this plot or the telling of it.
Notes:
1.) November's Beaver (moon?) hung low in the night sky.
2.) Humans and animals all don't give him much attention. (suggest:)
--> Neither humans nor animals give him much attention.
3.) Sam can't stand the ignorance. He howls in the forest like a wolf because it is such a silly thing to do.
--> this part confuses me. About the 'ignorance' do you mean they are stupid or that they ignore him?
--> Why - if he thinks howling is silly - does he do it?
4.) Everyone, hears it, and their ears hurt so much.
--> Everyone hears it and their ears hurt.
5.) He cusses at all his friends, which are not.
--> please consider editing - this doesn't make sense and makes it's hard to take this piece seriously - it looks like you aren't even taking it seriously, you know? (sorry)
6.) Birds start dropping like flies.
--> really? That is pretty funny.
7.) Blood coming out from their wings.
--> not a complete sentence
8.) The animals die of soaking out red water.
--> WHAT????
9.) Could it be Sam (k)illing all these humans and animals all at once?
--> you also have 'all' x 2 -- edit?
10.) All Sam's friends drop to the floor that their bodies burn.
--> confusing again, because he said he didn't have friends
--> BUT the sentence also doesn't make complete sense
11.) He tries to figure out how not to kill anyone.
-->He tries to figure out how (avoid) kill(ing) anyone.
It really looks more like this is the first, rough draft of a story and you posted it too early. If you've paid the money to enter the contest, surely you'd want a chance to win, right?
I hope you'll take these thoughts and suggestions as they are meant - only to help. If you have any questions, please holler. I'll be happy to help however I can. Thanks and good luck!
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
  |
Dear Mystery Writer,
I am really, really sorry - I feel certain you will hate my review. I did not understand this post and strongly urge you to do some heavy editing. I don't say that to be mean, I promise. I think it's pretty clear you have writing skills, but it doesn't look like you put much thought into this plot or the telling of it.
Notes:
1.) November's Beaver (moon?) hung low in the night sky.
2.) Humans and animals all don't give him much attention. (suggest:)
--> Neither humans nor animals give him much attention.
3.) Sam can't stand the ignorance. He howls in the forest like a wolf because it is such a silly thing to do.
--> this part confuses me. About the 'ignorance' do you mean they are stupid or that they ignore him?
--> Why - if he thinks howling is silly - does he do it?
4.) Everyone, hears it, and their ears hurt so much.
--> Everyone hears it and their ears hurt.
5.) He cusses at all his friends, which are not.
--> please consider editing - this doesn't make sense and makes it's hard to take this piece seriously - it looks like you aren't even taking it seriously, you know? (sorry)
6.) Birds start dropping like flies.
--> really? That is pretty funny.
7.) Blood coming out from their wings.
--> not a complete sentence
8.) The animals die of soaking out red water.
--> WHAT????
9.) Could it be Sam (k)illing all these humans and animals all at once?
--> you also have 'all' x 2 -- edit?
10.) All Sam's friends drop to the floor that their bodies burn.
--> confusing again, because he said he didn't have friends
--> BUT the sentence also doesn't make complete sense
11.) He tries to figure out how not to kill anyone.
-->He tries to figure out how (avoid) kill(ing) anyone.
It really looks more like this is the first, rough draft of a story and you posted it too early. If you've paid the money to enter the contest, surely you'd want a chance to win, right?
I hope you'll take these thoughts and suggestions as they are meant - only to help. If you have any questions, please holler. I'll be happy to help however I can. Thanks and good luck!
Comment Written 17-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Thank you! I tried my best to self edit this story. I hope that it makes sense. I fixed most of the mistakes. Yes, I would like your help. Does this story make sense now? If it doesn't show me how to change, please!
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Sam howled like a wolf so that he wouldn't make any sense and just for the fun of it. He just wanted to act silly that moment.
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Wow. Fabulous job of editing. I have changed the rating already. I am so proud of you for listening to what I had to say and then making the needed corrections. The story is entirely different. It makes MUCH more sense and has a whimsical quality to it.
One last note:
--> He tries to figure out how not to avoid killing anyone.
--> He tries to figure out how to avoid killing anyone.
--> delete 'not'
Thanks!
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Thanks! I fixed the mistake. Thanks for all your help! I'm glad you enjoyed my story! Keep writing! :)
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
I thought this was a strong story. It's emotional and imaginative and I felt very sorry for Sam as I read it. The story might be stronger from a first person viewpoint to get us closer to what Sam is feeling. But overall - terrific.
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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I thought this was a strong story. It's emotional and imaginative and I felt very sorry for Sam as I read it. The story might be stronger from a first person viewpoint to get us closer to what Sam is feeling. But overall - terrific.
Comment Written 17-Nov-2020
reply by the author on 17-Nov-2020
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Thanks! :)