The Piper
Viewing comments for Chapter 40 "The Piper, part 40"Young Adult Fantasy
15 total reviews
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
Hi Debbi, just checking in to let you know where I am!
Attacked by butterflies... that's got to be embarrassing, lol. Once again, your imagination is so delightful. You give such attention to detail, and your imagination has no limits.
The bullies popping up at the end can't bode well, and leave us another clever cliffhanger!
Hugs,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2023
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Hi Debbi, just checking in to let you know where I am!
Attacked by butterflies... that's got to be embarrassing, lol. Once again, your imagination is so delightful. You give such attention to detail, and your imagination has no limits.
The bullies popping up at the end can't bode well, and leave us another clever cliffhanger!
Hugs,
Rhonda
Comment Written 13-Aug-2023
reply by the author on 14-Aug-2023
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Hi Rhonda,
Thank you for letting me know where you are in the reading. Yep, being attacked by butterflies cannot be something Piper will be proud to talk about.
Glad you liked the cliffhanger.
Debi
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Lol, I loved the butterfly part!
Comment from giraffmang
We meet again!
Another nice instalment, showing up Piper's inexperience and that everything isn't as easy as he thought.
When he reached the bottom of the hill, Piper walked in the opposite direction from the Summerstorm home and the school. He'd never been this way. - i would maybe say something like Piper decided to venture the other way, given his thoughts in the previous paragraph about going to see Rupert & the school. It's a small thing though.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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We meet again!
Another nice instalment, showing up Piper's inexperience and that everything isn't as easy as he thought.
When he reached the bottom of the hill, Piper walked in the opposite direction from the Summerstorm home and the school. He'd never been this way. - i would maybe say something like Piper decided to venture the other way, given his thoughts in the previous paragraph about going to see Rupert & the school. It's a small thing though.
All the best
G
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Hi G,
Small things can make a big difference so I will take a look at it.
Thank you again for the encouragement and for going back to this chapter.
Debi
Comment from RetroStarfish
What a great chapter. I have to admit, I skipped the "end of previous chapter" section and read the chapter with only the explanation of the book to guide me. It was all I needed. I understood the character and what was going on immediately and enjoyed the chapter thoroughly. Well done.
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2021
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What a great chapter. I have to admit, I skipped the "end of previous chapter" section and read the chapter with only the explanation of the book to guide me. It was all I needed. I understood the character and what was going on immediately and enjoyed the chapter thoroughly. Well done.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 19-Jan-2021
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Hi RetroStarfish,
Thank you for the positive review. I am delighted to hear you could jump right into this chapter and understand what was happening. Your comments made me smile. Thank you!
Debi
Comment from RGstar
I can see the promise in this, as thinking back, the Pied piper was one of my favorite characters, which has similar bearing.
I have only read this chapter and I see good writing, good solid writing which I was able to relax into without delving and worrying it may not meet expectations....and I had good reason to be happy.I loved the magical world of fable. Your characters make for good reading. One thing I think will improve the narrative very much.I felt you were too direct in the scenes...centering on the characters and the a radius around them. One thing I always look for is the use of the periphery...the surroundings, the environment, especially in a magical tale, there must be some wonderful areas, as well, inanimate objects and personal traits of one or two of the characters that you could bring into the scenes and stories...so important to the mind's eye. This is the perfect stage to use the periphery...like moving to the sound of a trio, to the sound of an orchestra. What do you think? I really liked this....want to see it do well.
Well done. Wanted to come and support . I will look in again.
My best wishes.
RG
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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I can see the promise in this, as thinking back, the Pied piper was one of my favorite characters, which has similar bearing.
I have only read this chapter and I see good writing, good solid writing which I was able to relax into without delving and worrying it may not meet expectations....and I had good reason to be happy.I loved the magical world of fable. Your characters make for good reading. One thing I think will improve the narrative very much.I felt you were too direct in the scenes...centering on the characters and the a radius around them. One thing I always look for is the use of the periphery...the surroundings, the environment, especially in a magical tale, there must be some wonderful areas, as well, inanimate objects and personal traits of one or two of the characters that you could bring into the scenes and stories...so important to the mind's eye. This is the perfect stage to use the periphery...like moving to the sound of a trio, to the sound of an orchestra. What do you think? I really liked this....want to see it do well.
Well done. Wanted to come and support . I will look in again.
My best wishes.
RG
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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Hi RG,
What an incredible review. Thank you so much. It is good to have someone remind me to take a step back and take another look at the chapter. Other chapters have pixies changing size and faeries leaving trails through the air, moonbows, and plants in bloom next to plants with fruit, etc., but this chapter is lacking now that I look at it. I'll take another look and see what I can do to add some magic.
Thank you so much for the suggestions and the magical six stars.
Debi
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear debi, there is nothing I could suggest to improve either your writing or your story. The whole thing makes great sense even if you are writing about the Elfin world. I really do appreciate your extensive notes on the different types of Fair Folk.
Of course you couldn't even have a novel without having some conflict, so you have invented some bullies to live in this mystical land where they should have had better things to do, than pick on orphans.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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Dear debi, there is nothing I could suggest to improve either your writing or your story. The whole thing makes great sense even if you are writing about the Elfin world. I really do appreciate your extensive notes on the different types of Fair Folk.
Of course you couldn't even have a novel without having some conflict, so you have invented some bullies to live in this mystical land where they should have had better things to do, than pick on orphans.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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Hi Suzanna Ray,
Thank you for the kind comments about the writing. I am glad you found the notes useful.
Well, bullies do like to pick on the less fortunate don't they?
Comment from Iza Deleanu
I love how the buds come to life under the enchantment of the little magician; "Piper raised the flute to his lips and let the music flow. As expected, the buds pushed their way out of the soil and lifted their heads centimeter-by-centimeter. One petal at a time unfurled to reveal the heart of the flower and its precious scent, just as they had when Piper played under Crescendo's watchful guidance a few days ago." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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I love how the buds come to life under the enchantment of the little magician; "Piper raised the flute to his lips and let the music flow. As expected, the buds pushed their way out of the soil and lifted their heads centimeter-by-centimeter. One petal at a time unfurled to reveal the heart of the flower and its precious scent, just as they had when Piper played under Crescendo's watchful guidance a few days ago." Thank you for sharing and good luck with the next chapter.
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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Hi Iza Deleanu,
I appreciate you reviewing this chapter. It can be hard to jump into the middle of a novel. Thank you for the comments on the writing and good luck wishes.
Debi
Comment from rspoet
Hello Debi,
Another wonder-filled chapter. It seems Piper needs a lesson in patience, he's always getting himself in trouble, a touch of The Sorcerer's Apprentice. Those must have been monarch butterflies, they're difficult to control.
I guess Piper is an original flower-child, the butterflies can't resist him.
Beautiful description and development of the scene.
Of course, the bullies return. They always do. Piper needs a lesson in bully control.
"Hello, Flute Boy. Need lessons on hunting butterflies, are they hunting you?"
Love the tag "Flute Boy." Exactly what a bully would say.
Not sure about the last four words. Perhaps "[or] are they hunting you;
or maybe "hurting" instead of "hunting."
Love the chapter.
Best wishes to all
Robert
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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Hello Debi,
Another wonder-filled chapter. It seems Piper needs a lesson in patience, he's always getting himself in trouble, a touch of The Sorcerer's Apprentice. Those must have been monarch butterflies, they're difficult to control.
I guess Piper is an original flower-child, the butterflies can't resist him.
Beautiful description and development of the scene.
Of course, the bullies return. They always do. Piper needs a lesson in bully control.
"Hello, Flute Boy. Need lessons on hunting butterflies, are they hunting you?"
Love the tag "Flute Boy." Exactly what a bully would say.
Not sure about the last four words. Perhaps "[or] are they hunting you;
or maybe "hurting" instead of "hunting."
Love the chapter.
Best wishes to all
Robert
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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Hi Robert,
I appreciate the shiny six stars! Thank you for the detailed comments.
Yep, Piper is a typical teen and needs more patience.
Thank you for the comment about "Flute Boy." I wondered if it worked.
It's good to have another set of eyes on the text. I could swear the "or" was in that last sentence. I have added it. Thanks for the heads up.
Thank you for the continued support.
Debi
Comment from lyenochka
Oh-oh. Seems like this would be a good time for Piper to call the wasps! Great imagination in this post. I like that Piper is really becoming master of his gift.
Comments:
A few feet away, the tops of several buds (I wish I knew what kinds of buds they were. A specific kind of flower would help.)
The flute went flying into the grass. (I didn't know how far the flute flew but the next thing I know it's in his right hand so I wondered if you might need a sentence letting us know how he got the flute back.)
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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Oh-oh. Seems like this would be a good time for Piper to call the wasps! Great imagination in this post. I like that Piper is really becoming master of his gift.
Comments:
A few feet away, the tops of several buds (I wish I knew what kinds of buds they were. A specific kind of flower would help.)
The flute went flying into the grass. (I didn't know how far the flute flew but the next thing I know it's in his right hand so I wondered if you might need a sentence letting us know how he got the flute back.)
Comment Written 18-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 18-Jan-2021
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Hi Helen,
Thank you so much for the shiny six stars.
I'll have to research what flowers/plants were native to Germany in the 1200's. Or maybe invent a faery flower.
I have re-worked the section you mention. That he crawled over to get the flute may have gotten lost in that long sentence. And maybe he should look for it first.
Thank you for the help!
Debi
Comment from Gert sherwood
Practicing Solo
Smiles w.j.debi
I enjoyed reading chapter 40 from your book about (The Piper.)
What got me desiring to read the rest of your eye catching writing
about the Piper playing his flute to attract nature's beauty to open their delicate buds to cause them to be in full bloom.
Then you describing the beauty of the Piper's flute; attracting butterflies.
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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Practicing Solo
Smiles w.j.debi
I enjoyed reading chapter 40 from your book about (The Piper.)
What got me desiring to read the rest of your eye catching writing
about the Piper playing his flute to attract nature's beauty to open their delicate buds to cause them to be in full bloom.
Then you describing the beauty of the Piper's flute; attracting butterflies.
Comment Written 17-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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Hi Gert Sherwood,
I appreciate you for stopping by to read this chapter. And I am happy that you enjoyed the results of Piper's flute playing. Thank you.
Debi
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Your are most welcome w.j.debi
Comment from Pam (respa)
-You haven't missed a beat since
the last chapter, Debi. Pun is intended!
-An excellent chapter that shows Piper's
desire to test out what he has learned
from M.C., but what should he try?
-The flowers seemed like a good idea,
and they responded nicely.
-I didn't think of it at the time, but
the perfumed scent was probably
a clue that things could get stronger and
stronger, as he learned the hard way at the end!
-The ending is suspenseful because you
never know what is going to happen to Piper!
-Now we wait to see if there are any
repercussions from these boys.
-Well done!
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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-You haven't missed a beat since
the last chapter, Debi. Pun is intended!
-An excellent chapter that shows Piper's
desire to test out what he has learned
from M.C., but what should he try?
-The flowers seemed like a good idea,
and they responded nicely.
-I didn't think of it at the time, but
the perfumed scent was probably
a clue that things could get stronger and
stronger, as he learned the hard way at the end!
-The ending is suspenseful because you
never know what is going to happen to Piper!
-Now we wait to see if there are any
repercussions from these boys.
-Well done!
Comment Written 17-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 17-Jan-2021
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Hi Pam,
Thank you for the gorgeous six stars!
I love your analysis. I'm glad you found the ending suspenseful. The next chapter is already written and will post next week.
Debi
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You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, Debi. I look forward to the next chapter!