The Piper
Viewing comments for Chapter 41 "The Piper, part 41"Young Adult Fantasy
15 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Another good instalment with some nice developments here in regard to the nature of the flut.
Definitely look into signalling the scene changes more robustly.
tentatively and tenderly closed his hand around the flute, then quickly - be careful with the adverb usage. Whilst not overall excessive, clumping them together makes them stand out more.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Another good instalment with some nice developments here in regard to the nature of the flut.
Definitely look into signalling the scene changes more robustly.
tentatively and tenderly closed his hand around the flute, then quickly - be careful with the adverb usage. Whilst not overall excessive, clumping them together makes them stand out more.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Hi again, G. Thanks for the reminder about adverbs. I try to keep their use to a minimum, but sometimes slip. Thanks for catching this pair.
Debi
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Delightful whimsy--startling turn of events: enchanted flute!--brilliantly rended characters and scene--Piper is charming--you really bring these creatures to life!
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2021
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Delightful whimsy--startling turn of events: enchanted flute!--brilliantly rended characters and scene--Piper is charming--you really bring these creatures to life!
Comment Written 04-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2021
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Hi Elizabeth Emerald,
Thank you for the delightful comments and encouragement.
Debi
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
Beautifully written. Great plot as far as I can see. Piper is a interesting character. I look forward to reading more chapters. And I like your philosophy about raising bright children.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2021
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Beautifully written. Great plot as far as I can see. Piper is a interesting character. I look forward to reading more chapters. And I like your philosophy about raising bright children.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2021
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Thank you for the kind comments about the plot and the philosophy about raising bright children. It takes imagination to be successful in any endeavor so I liked the quote.
Comment from RetroStarfish
Great scenes.
"...their shouting and laughter tinkled in the air like tiny bells."
Describing the whimsical playfulness of Jasmine and Peck is a nice way to create tension before getting back to Piper and his tormentors.
I really enjoyed reading this and, especially, the note of mystery at the end.
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2021
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Great scenes.
"...their shouting and laughter tinkled in the air like tiny bells."
Describing the whimsical playfulness of Jasmine and Peck is a nice way to create tension before getting back to Piper and his tormentors.
I really enjoyed reading this and, especially, the note of mystery at the end.
Comment Written 01-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 02-Feb-2021
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Thank you for the encouraging comments. I'm glad you enjoyed the whimsy of the faeries and the mystery at the end.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-This is an excellent chapter, Debi, that
had my heart going for a while.
-The opening scene is so pleasant
as the faeries are "zipping, diving,
flipping, somersaulting," and more.
-It is quite pleasant in contrast to
the continued taunting of Piper by these boys
that had begun at the end of the previous chapter.
-You slowly build the suspense until
it crescendos to what, we don't know.
-Will they break the flute; will they
hurt Piper"
-In the meantime, he is so tired from
trying to get the flute.
-I am guessing that Piper had to have
some kind of reaction in order
for that response to come from the
flute-either that or the faeries were
responsible, or it had something to
do with the grandfather's spirit.
-I like how the flute goes up to
Piper's shoe, and how soft and
quiet it is. I can't say I blame it!
-The description of the flute
at the end is very good, and
ending with the question leaves
Piper and the reader wondering.
-It's like there is more to the
flute than could have been imagined.
-I can't say enough good things
about this one, my friend.
A little more enchantment for the flute:
[Glitterfy.com - *Glitter Photos*]
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
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-This is an excellent chapter, Debi, that
had my heart going for a while.
-The opening scene is so pleasant
as the faeries are "zipping, diving,
flipping, somersaulting," and more.
-It is quite pleasant in contrast to
the continued taunting of Piper by these boys
that had begun at the end of the previous chapter.
-You slowly build the suspense until
it crescendos to what, we don't know.
-Will they break the flute; will they
hurt Piper"
-In the meantime, he is so tired from
trying to get the flute.
-I am guessing that Piper had to have
some kind of reaction in order
for that response to come from the
flute-either that or the faeries were
responsible, or it had something to
do with the grandfather's spirit.
-I like how the flute goes up to
Piper's shoe, and how soft and
quiet it is. I can't say I blame it!
-The description of the flute
at the end is very good, and
ending with the question leaves
Piper and the reader wondering.
-It's like there is more to the
flute than could have been imagined.
-I can't say enough good things
about this one, my friend.
A little more enchantment for the flute:
[Glitterfy.com - *Glitter Photos*]
Comment Written 01-Feb-2021
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
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Hi Pam,
I am overwhelmed by all the kind comments and your thorough analysis. Thank you too for the six stars. The rating is much appreciated Your comments mean a lot to me. The glitter link is a fun plus.
This is one of those chapters I thought about for a long time, months in fact, but when I finally sat down and put fingers to keyboard, it wrote itself. The flute knew what it wanted.
Debi
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You are very welcome and deserving of the stars, review, and extra special stars, too. I know what you mean about something writing itself. That happens once in a great while.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Provoked
The Piper, part 41
w.j.debi your wonderful and how you describe so will how the Piper finally rescued his to me (His Magic Flute) there are so many parts I liked about your fantasy this one made me smile
The cooing whistle grew louder, plaintive. A questioning trill followed and another tap against his shoe.
Without looking at it, Piper tentatively and tenderly closed his hand around the flute, then quickly clasped it to his chest and cuddled it with both hands.
Gert
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
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Provoked
The Piper, part 41
w.j.debi your wonderful and how you describe so will how the Piper finally rescued his to me (His Magic Flute) there are so many parts I liked about your fantasy this one made me smile
The cooing whistle grew louder, plaintive. A questioning trill followed and another tap against his shoe.
Without looking at it, Piper tentatively and tenderly closed his hand around the flute, then quickly clasped it to his chest and cuddled it with both hands.
Gert
Comment Written 31-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
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Hi Gert,
Thank you for the wonderful review and for pointing out what you liked. It is good to know what works.
A special thank you for the six stars. You brightened my day.
Debi
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You are so welcome w.j.debi
Gert
Comment from Suzanna Ray
Dear debi, in this story I am starting to see that sometimes we do not even see the magic around us.
I wonder if piper will take a little bit more time, before he fully believes in the power, that is his.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
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Dear debi, in this story I am starting to see that sometimes we do not even see the magic around us.
I wonder if piper will take a little bit more time, before he fully believes in the power, that is his.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
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Hi Suzanna Ray,
I like your perspective. I hadn't thought about us not noticing the magic around us, but you are right. Sometimes we take those miracles around us for granted. Thank you for an insightful review.
Debi
Comment from lyenochka
The flute is alive! There's no price tag for that. I kept waiting for Jasmine and Peck to intervene on Piper's behalf but it's his own flute that scares off the bullies. Even though Piper feels vulnerable as a being, an outcast, his strength is his music, personified in his flue. Great post!
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
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The flute is alive! There's no price tag for that. I kept waiting for Jasmine and Peck to intervene on Piper's behalf but it's his own flute that scares off the bullies. Even though Piper feels vulnerable as a being, an outcast, his strength is his music, personified in his flue. Great post!
Comment Written 31-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
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Hi Helen,
Thank you for the bright six star rating. Yes, surprise, there is more to the flute than Piper counted on.
Debi
Comment from Benny Beeharry
I really enjoyed reading this chapter. The language is so strong and vibrant with imageries , , I could see every thing in my mind eyes, specially where played in the open air up there. So tender and beautiful
I wonder why you do not concentrate on writing and become an author. The language is just great. I was not born with a language of my own, except for a pidgin dialect. I had to study English from the beginning. But you you have the language in you . Be an author,God bless you.
Stay safe,
Benny Beeharry
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
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I really enjoyed reading this chapter. The language is so strong and vibrant with imageries , , I could see every thing in my mind eyes, specially where played in the open air up there. So tender and beautiful
I wonder why you do not concentrate on writing and become an author. The language is just great. I was not born with a language of my own, except for a pidgin dialect. I had to study English from the beginning. But you you have the language in you . Be an author,God bless you.
Stay safe,
Benny Beeharry
Comment Written 31-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
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Hi Benny Beeharry,
Wow, thank you for the amazing compliment. I would love to become an author and write full time, but I do have to pay the bills so it's just a hobby.
Thank you for the amazing six stars and the humbling nudge to follow a dream.
Debi
Comment from rspoet
Hello Debi,
A magical chapter, in every sense of the word.
I liked the introduction with Jasmine and Peck. (reminds of Puck from a distant dream) Are they going to appear again? It seemed they had a bigger part to play.
The encounter with the Falconians was very well done.
And now an enchanted flute emerges. Piper has a protective aura about him in the form of an elemental flute. Great fun!
Just right for a younger reader.
"He stared at his hands, the instrument, then [at] looked over at Piper."
Well done.
Best wishes to all.
Robert
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
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Hello Debi,
A magical chapter, in every sense of the word.
I liked the introduction with Jasmine and Peck. (reminds of Puck from a distant dream) Are they going to appear again? It seemed they had a bigger part to play.
The encounter with the Falconians was very well done.
And now an enchanted flute emerges. Piper has a protective aura about him in the form of an elemental flute. Great fun!
Just right for a younger reader.
"He stared at his hands, the instrument, then [at] looked over at Piper."
Well done.
Best wishes to all.
Robert
Comment Written 31-Jan-2021
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2021
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Hi Robert,
Thank you for letting me know the part with Jasmine and Peck worked. I like the reference to "A Midsummer Night's Dream." That has got to be my favorite Shakespearean play.
Jasmine and Peck have joined the cast.
I like the term Falconians. I might have to use it in another story. Hmm. Thanks for the inspiration.
I appreciate the comment about this being for young readers. That is my goal and sometimes I wonder...
Thanks for catching the SPAG.
Debi