Genius in Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Genius in Love (Scene 3)"In Search of a Soul
30 total reviews
Comment from GWHARGIS
I like that the boy wasn't in this scene. I liked how the principal was trying not to upset the mother and applauded his genuine joy at Cornelius and his musical talent. Some would not get past the odd robotic movements. I get the sense that though Cornelius is not an unhappy boy he is extremely happy when engrossed in his music. Well done.
Gretchen
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
  |
I like that the boy wasn't in this scene. I liked how the principal was trying not to upset the mother and applauded his genuine joy at Cornelius and his musical talent. Some would not get past the odd robotic movements. I get the sense that though Cornelius is not an unhappy boy he is extremely happy when engrossed in his music. Well done.
Gretchen
Comment Written 16-Aug-2022
reply by the author on 17-Aug-2022
-
Thank you again, Gretchen, but I remind you you don't need to spend your time reading my 2-penny plays. I do appreciate it, and your commentary, but I'm feeling guilty that I suggested it. Did you ever think of the name of the boy in your novel?
-
I am enjoying the script so don't you worry your pretty little head about it. And as far as critiquing it, my pleasure. His name was Alex. The narrator was his brother, Ben. I have another one that I'm fleshing out about 2 brothers but this is darker. So buckle your seat belt for that one. Lol.
-
You'll find me buckled and waiting, Gretchen. So good to have you back. I must tell you, though, that sometime in September, I'm going on a slight hiatus to get my "The Trining" book primed for hoped-for publication.
-
Get that book done. Congrats!
Gretchen
Comment from padumachitta
hey ya...nothing to add except another 6 stars...I like the character and the build up...And it gives us enough tension to want to know what the heck is gonna happen, without frying us out...
I have been away from this site a bit ...I have been submitting stories to actual journals and such. The problem being: many places will now not accept stories or work if it has appeared anywhere on the internet. Even though this is a 'closed' site, it disqualified my work....
I just got a third in a short story competion, quite respected, whcih included having the story publsihed in a real book, an antholgy of the short listed stories. I am right chuffed!
I wll read as much as I can...
be safe
pc
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2021
 |
hey ya...nothing to add except another 6 stars...I like the character and the build up...And it gives us enough tension to want to know what the heck is gonna happen, without frying us out...
I have been away from this site a bit ...I have been submitting stories to actual journals and such. The problem being: many places will now not accept stories or work if it has appeared anywhere on the internet. Even though this is a 'closed' site, it disqualified my work....
I just got a third in a short story competion, quite respected, whcih included having the story publsihed in a real book, an antholgy of the short listed stories. I am right chuffed!
I wll read as much as I can...
be safe
pc
Comment Written 20-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2021
-
Bless you. What is the name of the publication? Have you explored "Medium" for your stories? You are paid based on the readers' response to your writing, the number who read it. One month I earned $700 for an article I wrote. I continued being paid on that article as people read it. A couple hundred one month, fifty the next, etc. It feels good, though. Give them a shot, Jodi. You can subscribe to them for$5 a month, or $50 a year. I pay for my subscription well-over for every month they feed money to my coffers. Here's a link to the article I referred to in case you want to take a gander at it: https://tinyurl.com/jju9whsk.
Congratulations on your short story. That's where you shine!
Thanks so much for the six stars, Jodi!
-
hey thanks for the tip.
I liked your article..wowo.
I checked it out, paid the 50...but then i have to join something else...it's a bit much for me...I'm not good with computer stuff...so I join...and then I have to go and sign up ...is that stripe thing safe?
-
I'll send you a private message.
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Jay,
I like the way Mr. Hallows finds overwhelming joy in listening to Cornelius play the piano, much the same as he enjoys the thunder & lightning during a storm. He allows himself the time to take it in...
"...marvel at nature's thunderclouds gathered overhead, pulsing and throbbing out of a congestion of ... of furiously beautiful energy; rumbling out of an overfullness of fierce joy."
And now Mrs. Plumb finds out about Pidely-Poo. That has caused her some alarm. But wait until she finds out about Cililla Queez.
"(MR. HALLOWS closes his eyes and allows his head to sways right and left to the music"
(MR. HALLOWS closes his eyes and allows his head to sway right and left to the music )
It's pretty ingenious, Jay, the way you have introduced Cililla. The audience can see her, but Mrs. Plumb and Mr. Hallows can't. It's a secret shared with the audience. They've got one over on the principal and parent.
I watched a great movie recently that used the same idea... 2011 "Midnight in Paris", starring Owen Wilson and Rachel McAdams. Woody Allen directed the Romance/Comedy that was nominated for Best Picture, Art Direction, Writing (Original Screenplay), and Directing. It won for Writing (Original Screenplay). Owen Wilson plays the role of Gil Pender, an insecure Hollywood screenwriter vacationing with his fiancé in Paris in 2010. One night on his way back to the hotel, he becomes lost. He is whisked back in time to 1920... "At midnight, a 1920s car pulls up beside him, and the passengers, dressed in 1920s wardrobe, urge him to join them. They hit a party for Jean Cocteau attended by notable people of 1920s Paris: Cole Porter, and his wife Linda Lee Porter, and Zelda and Scott Fitzgerald. Zelda gets bored at the party and encourages Scott and Gil to leave with her. They head first to Bricktops where they see Josephine Baker dancing, and then to a cafe, where they run into Ernest Hemingway and Juan Belmonte. Zelda gets upset when Hemingway says her novel was weak, and she heads with Belmonte to St. Germain, followed shortly thereafter by Scott, who doesn't like the thought of his wife and the matador. After discussing writing, Hemingway offers to show Gil's novel to Gertrude Stein. As Gil exits the building to fetch his manuscript from his hotel, he finds he has returned to 2010; the bar where the 1920s literati were drinking is now a laundromat.
The next night, Gil wants to share with Inez his time travel experience. She ditches Gil before the clock strikes midnight. Before long, the same car returns; Gil joins Hemingway on his way to visit a friend. Gil is introduced to Gertrude Stein and other friends at her apartment: Pablo Picasso and his lover Adriana. Adriana and Gil are instantly attracted to each other."
It's quite interesting, really. And I think you'd enjoy the movie, Jay, which is on Netflix.
Cililla is very real to Cornelius. But he's the only one who can see her. Oops! The audience sees her too. And that's what holds them. It's the magic!
Looking forward to the next chapter!
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2021
|
Hi Jay,
I like the way Mr. Hallows finds overwhelming joy in listening to Cornelius play the piano, much the same as he enjoys the thunder & lightning during a storm. He allows himself the time to take it in...
"...marvel at nature's thunderclouds gathered overhead, pulsing and throbbing out of a congestion of ... of furiously beautiful energy; rumbling out of an overfullness of fierce joy."
And now Mrs. Plumb finds out about Pidely-Poo. That has caused her some alarm. But wait until she finds out about Cililla Queez.
"(MR. HALLOWS closes his eyes and allows his head to sways right and left to the music"
(MR. HALLOWS closes his eyes and allows his head to sway right and left to the music )
It's pretty ingenious, Jay, the way you have introduced Cililla. The audience can see her, but Mrs. Plumb and Mr. Hallows can't. It's a secret shared with the audience. They've got one over on the principal and parent.
I watched a great movie recently that used the same idea... 2011 "Midnight in Paris", starring Owen Wilson and Rachel McAdams. Woody Allen directed the Romance/Comedy that was nominated for Best Picture, Art Direction, Writing (Original Screenplay), and Directing. It won for Writing (Original Screenplay). Owen Wilson plays the role of Gil Pender, an insecure Hollywood screenwriter vacationing with his fiancé in Paris in 2010. One night on his way back to the hotel, he becomes lost. He is whisked back in time to 1920... "At midnight, a 1920s car pulls up beside him, and the passengers, dressed in 1920s wardrobe, urge him to join them. They hit a party for Jean Cocteau attended by notable people of 1920s Paris: Cole Porter, and his wife Linda Lee Porter, and Zelda and Scott Fitzgerald. Zelda gets bored at the party and encourages Scott and Gil to leave with her. They head first to Bricktops where they see Josephine Baker dancing, and then to a cafe, where they run into Ernest Hemingway and Juan Belmonte. Zelda gets upset when Hemingway says her novel was weak, and she heads with Belmonte to St. Germain, followed shortly thereafter by Scott, who doesn't like the thought of his wife and the matador. After discussing writing, Hemingway offers to show Gil's novel to Gertrude Stein. As Gil exits the building to fetch his manuscript from his hotel, he finds he has returned to 2010; the bar where the 1920s literati were drinking is now a laundromat.
The next night, Gil wants to share with Inez his time travel experience. She ditches Gil before the clock strikes midnight. Before long, the same car returns; Gil joins Hemingway on his way to visit a friend. Gil is introduced to Gertrude Stein and other friends at her apartment: Pablo Picasso and his lover Adriana. Adriana and Gil are instantly attracted to each other."
It's quite interesting, really. And I think you'd enjoy the movie, Jay, which is on Netflix.
Cililla is very real to Cornelius. But he's the only one who can see her. Oops! The audience sees her too. And that's what holds them. It's the magic!
Looking forward to the next chapter!
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 17-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2021
-
And I just happen to have Netflicks! Drat! They must have removed it from Netflicks. That's the kind of movie I would really enjoy, too.
Anyway, I'll check with Target or Walmart to order it.
Meanwhile, thanks for reviewing and doing such an in-depth job of it. I'm having a little problem with Cililla. I can't make her any smarter than I am, so she's rather theatrically shallow. I've been working on the next part for three days and having some stalls. I should have something by next Saturday. Bless you for the six stars, Sir!
-
I'm sorry, Jay. My Mistake.
"Midnight in Paris" is on Prime Video. Do you have Prime?
You stick with it. Cililla is good. There's a way for her to be perfect.
-
I wondered about that. No, I don't have Prime. I can rent it through YouTube for $4. It's definitely on my to watch list.
Comment from davisr (Rhonda)
As I've been absent a few weeks, I've missed the first installments of your script. I was immediately drawn in to the characters, setting and story. You set the scene well, and gave insight into your characters.
And your cliffhanger!! That was just mean to leave us hanging on your verbal precipice! How very clever!
Great job, my friend,
Take care,
Rhonda
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2021
|
As I've been absent a few weeks, I've missed the first installments of your script. I was immediately drawn in to the characters, setting and story. You set the scene well, and gave insight into your characters.
And your cliffhanger!! That was just mean to leave us hanging on your verbal precipice! How very clever!
Great job, my friend,
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment Written 17-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2021
-
You have been away a while, haven't you, Rhonda. It's so good to have you back ... and with a lovely six! Thank you, dear Rhonda!
-
Hi, Jay, yes, away for awhile. But back. I am caring for an infant since right after Christmas. Definitely having to reach back to find an old bag of tricks that?s, unfortunately, had to evolve with modern times.
Comment from Bill Schott
Mr. Hallows build up is marvelous. The total absorption of his character in both the music and his agenda are mesmerizing. Toloache and her husband are definitely aware of Cornelius's abilities and oddities and seem perplexed by Mr. Hal's meeting.
This letter turns on an emotional valve for both of the characters, leaving me anxious to know what the boy has written.
This is really top drawer, Jay, and I look forward to the next scene.
Love the '...that it was optional' ... part. So real.
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
|
Mr. Hallows build up is marvelous. The total absorption of his character in both the music and his agenda are mesmerizing. Toloache and her husband are definitely aware of Cornelius's abilities and oddities and seem perplexed by Mr. Hal's meeting.
This letter turns on an emotional valve for both of the characters, leaving me anxious to know what the boy has written.
This is really top drawer, Jay, and I look forward to the next scene.
Love the '...that it was optional' ... part. So real.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 16-Apr-2021
-
I'm thrilled this resonated so with you, Bill. The next scene is at least a solid week out. I'm having some problems with it. So I'll see you then.
Comment from RetroStarfish
A wonderful scene. Toloache is turning out to be a bit of a firecracker. I love the aside about his eidetic memory being the only thing Cornelius inherited from his father.
And, the photo you've used is very arresting.
Can't wait to read/envision more.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2021
|
A wonderful scene. Toloache is turning out to be a bit of a firecracker. I love the aside about his eidetic memory being the only thing Cornelius inherited from his father.
And, the photo you've used is very arresting.
Can't wait to read/envision more.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2021
-
Thank you for your kind words and the stars, Retro. I'm happy you caught the subtlety there.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
You must post on Sunday, Jay, I've never got a six left come Thursday!! Monday, most times.
This is an incredible script, the story has you hanging on not wanting it to end. What was it that Cornelius had written for his assignement? He filled both sides, too. He's a genius pianist, and obviously very clever. I wish I had a photographic memory, that would be so handy to have. Now, you have three days, including today, to write and post the next part for Sunday!! I have to know what's going on, and I have to be able to give you a six! Well done, my friend, superb writing, and such a pleasure to read. :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2021
|
You must post on Sunday, Jay, I've never got a six left come Thursday!! Monday, most times.
This is an incredible script, the story has you hanging on not wanting it to end. What was it that Cornelius had written for his assignement? He filled both sides, too. He's a genius pianist, and obviously very clever. I wish I had a photographic memory, that would be so handy to have. Now, you have three days, including today, to write and post the next part for Sunday!! I have to know what's going on, and I have to be able to give you a six! Well done, my friend, superb writing, and such a pleasure to read. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 15-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2021
-
Sandra, don't ever worry about the sixes. You and I are in the same boat. I usually don't get through the weekend because I'm "following" a bunch of excellent writers (you included), who have the foresight to publish on Sunday. You'll probably have to wait until Sunday, next week, before I post scene four. It's turning complex and besides, I need to earn enough funny money to promote it adequately. Thanks, though, for caring, Sandra. That means so much.
Comment from muffinmama
As though Toloache doesn't have enough to deal with, she now has to pull teeth from the principal to get him to concentrate and reveal why this meeting is taking place. Is he that distractible by classical music or is he also autistic? Or does he think that she is so fragile that she won't be able to handle whatever it is he needs to discuss with her?
The scene coming up next should provide much more information about the direction in which Cornelius will be steered. Having an imaginary friend is acceptable; Toloache cannot be crying over that. Excellent place to end this scene.
I keep trying to figure out the connection of the mother's name (a psychoactive, hallucinatory preparation from the plant of the same name, or the flower itself) to the play's theme. Is she up in the clouds about her son's condition?
Great pacing of the conversation; it creates the tension in the scene. I'm amazed at how the mother is able to control the inevitable frustration at having to keep recalling the principal back to the room and away from the music.
Waiting for the next scene. Cornelius's explanations should be great reading.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2021
|
As though Toloache doesn't have enough to deal with, she now has to pull teeth from the principal to get him to concentrate and reveal why this meeting is taking place. Is he that distractible by classical music or is he also autistic? Or does he think that she is so fragile that she won't be able to handle whatever it is he needs to discuss with her?
The scene coming up next should provide much more information about the direction in which Cornelius will be steered. Having an imaginary friend is acceptable; Toloache cannot be crying over that. Excellent place to end this scene.
I keep trying to figure out the connection of the mother's name (a psychoactive, hallucinatory preparation from the plant of the same name, or the flower itself) to the play's theme. Is she up in the clouds about her son's condition?
Great pacing of the conversation; it creates the tension in the scene. I'm amazed at how the mother is able to control the inevitable frustration at having to keep recalling the principal back to the room and away from the music.
Waiting for the next scene. Cornelius's explanations should be great reading.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2021
-
My dear, Ryma, your name is on my list for May's Reviewer nominations (I'm tapped out this month. You are so penetrating in your comments. I don't know whether it will work its way to the surface about Mr. Hallows' mental set, but I suspect he is within the autistic spectrum, himself. As to Toloache's name origin ... you are the first and only to mention the connection to the flower of the same name which is also known as "la flor de amor." She is a former actress and acting coach, so what can I say? But keep with the direction you are taking its significance.
Thank you so much for the six stars. You'll have to wait another week for the fourth scene. It proves to be complex, and besides I have some funny money to earn in order to promote it adequately.
Thank you again, my dear!
Jay
-
That old funny money business! I also post very little because it takes a while to save up enough to do a decent promotion.
Thanks for considering me for the reviewer nomination.
Have a productive week-end - LOL
Comment from judiverse
This is so intellectual. The language is rather elevated. Mr. Hallows is intriguing, and we wonder why he is being let go. He seems interested in Cornelius as a boy, and not just as a musical prodigy. The poor kids don't get much privacy, with their innermost thoughts explored in the composition assignment. I think it's understandable that Cornelius's mother would have to ask about Pidley Poo. Kids can keep so much to themselves. Will be curious to know what is in the paper Cornelius wrote. Enjoyed the comments about Mr. Hiney and his teaching methods. judi
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2021
|
This is so intellectual. The language is rather elevated. Mr. Hallows is intriguing, and we wonder why he is being let go. He seems interested in Cornelius as a boy, and not just as a musical prodigy. The poor kids don't get much privacy, with their innermost thoughts explored in the composition assignment. I think it's understandable that Cornelius's mother would have to ask about Pidley Poo. Kids can keep so much to themselves. Will be curious to know what is in the paper Cornelius wrote. Enjoyed the comments about Mr. Hiney and his teaching methods. judi
Comment Written 14-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2021
-
Ah ... thank you so much, Judi, for your comments. Do you think the writing is too "writerly" elevated? If so, that would need toning down. Or is Mr. Hallows coming across as stuffy?
By the way, I found there is a way to submit a play in "Chapters" like a book so they are all in one "document". Now all I have to do is see if Tom will let me put the completed scenes in that format without re-posting them.
Comment from nomi338
I am forced to ponder if the world will ever understand, and maybe it is not supposed to full understand the workings of certain minds of certain individuals. I think of certain comedians, musicians, scientists, some politicians, athletes, etc. Some of us are just made differently. While the work or performances are appreciated, the source of that performance may never be understood or its source ever discovered.
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2021
|
I am forced to ponder if the world will ever understand, and maybe it is not supposed to full understand the workings of certain minds of certain individuals. I think of certain comedians, musicians, scientists, some politicians, athletes, etc. Some of us are just made differently. While the work or performances are appreciated, the source of that performance may never be understood or its source ever discovered.
Comment Written 14-Apr-2021
reply by the author on 14-Apr-2021
-
Thank you my dear friend for your thoughtful review and the fact that it raised questions that went beyond the play. Much appreciated.