On the Edge of Deception Pg 58
And all good things must come to an end...17 total reviews
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Wow, what a smashing ending! Some of your villains got the death sentence, outside of the judicial system. At first I thought the guy handing out brownies was trying to set up Dan for driving under the influence of marijuana, but obviously something much more lethal (and hardly recreational) was an important ingredient.
Some errors and suggestions:
"Yup. short and sweet."
-->
"Yup. Short and sweet."
Garth snarled, his six-foot-two frame towered over Peter.
-->
Garth snarled, his six-foot-two frame towering over Peter.
Nate Rotello shook his head in disgust."I gave you everything."
-->
Nate Rotello shook his head in disgust. "I gave you everything."
Helps on the way."
-->
Help's on the way."
"Garth, this is dispatch.
-->
"Garth, this is Dispatch. [you capitalized it elsewhere]
"On Rocky Beach Rd.
-->
"On Rocky Beach Road.
My agents? The woman they were transporting?
-->
"My agents? The woman they were transporting?
***
This is quite a novel! I missed the last few chapters, which seemed to have been posted in fairly rapid succession (unless it's just me). I'll go back and read some of it if I can, but I might not, because I'm already having a very busy week. You've done such an amazing job with this book! Congratulations on its completion. I wish you the best in finishing all the necessary steps toward publication. Keep writing, my friend.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2021
  |
Wow, what a smashing ending! Some of your villains got the death sentence, outside of the judicial system. At first I thought the guy handing out brownies was trying to set up Dan for driving under the influence of marijuana, but obviously something much more lethal (and hardly recreational) was an important ingredient.
Some errors and suggestions:
"Yup. short and sweet."
-->
"Yup. Short and sweet."
Garth snarled, his six-foot-two frame towered over Peter.
-->
Garth snarled, his six-foot-two frame towering over Peter.
Nate Rotello shook his head in disgust."I gave you everything."
-->
Nate Rotello shook his head in disgust. "I gave you everything."
Helps on the way."
-->
Help's on the way."
"Garth, this is dispatch.
-->
"Garth, this is Dispatch. [you capitalized it elsewhere]
"On Rocky Beach Rd.
-->
"On Rocky Beach Road.
My agents? The woman they were transporting?
-->
"My agents? The woman they were transporting?
***
This is quite a novel! I missed the last few chapters, which seemed to have been posted in fairly rapid succession (unless it's just me). I'll go back and read some of it if I can, but I might not, because I'm already having a very busy week. You've done such an amazing job with this book! Congratulations on its completion. I wish you the best in finishing all the necessary steps toward publication. Keep writing, my friend.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2021
-
Thank you, Mary Kay...Awesome catch on the errors. I truly appreciate your eagle eye. Definitely will help with the rewrite. Thank you so much...Smiles, Carol
-
You're very welcome, Carol. As I said, I'm going through a very busy time (and with some very necessary things) but I must tell you that you, as an author, inspire me to get back to my own writing, when I am able to do so! God bless you, my friend.
Love, Mary Kay xoxo
Comment from LJbutterfly
Wow! My head is spinning. You ended this story with a bang...down a cliff. I wasn't expecting anything like this. Oh well Nancy. I was rooting for you to experience witness protection. I'm glad Amanda, one of the good guys, got away. I hope Hank and Garth can work together in a future novel. (hint, hint) This entire work was excellent. I enjoyed every word. Best wishes with publishing.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2021
 |
Wow! My head is spinning. You ended this story with a bang...down a cliff. I wasn't expecting anything like this. Oh well Nancy. I was rooting for you to experience witness protection. I'm glad Amanda, one of the good guys, got away. I hope Hank and Garth can work together in a future novel. (hint, hint) This entire work was excellent. I enjoyed every word. Best wishes with publishing.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2021
-
Thank you, Lorraine for following up to the finish and for finding enjoyment in the story. I appreciate it very much. Your encouragement has meant a great deal to me. Smiles, Carol
Comment from eliz100
The story deserved a six all along but I only have so many sixes. The only thing I would suggest is a prologue to tie up loose ends. I have enjoyed being one of your readers and I wish the best for you in your publishing plans.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2021
|
The story deserved a six all along but I only have so many sixes. The only thing I would suggest is a prologue to tie up loose ends. I have enjoyed being one of your readers and I wish the best for you in your publishing plans.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2021
-
I have enjoyed you following and always being there. I will feel lost I think without the everyday connection of the friends I have made. It's a bit sad that the story had to come to an end. Thanks as always, Carol
Comment from robyn corum
Carol,
Ta Da! You did it and like you said, in ways I WAS NOT expecting!!! Great job and well worth a six for this post AND the whole series.
You took away the opps for the sequel, though. Doggonit! If you'd left O'Shea alive, let Amanda be killed so that Nancy could live (hate the thought!) you would have set it up pretty stinking perfectly.
Of course, the means you'd have to have somebody working on the inside of the FBI, too. Which would be a cool detail to have later.
Anyway, this has been an awesome ride. Thanks a bunch!
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2021
|
Carol,
Ta Da! You did it and like you said, in ways I WAS NOT expecting!!! Great job and well worth a six for this post AND the whole series.
You took away the opps for the sequel, though. Doggonit! If you'd left O'Shea alive, let Amanda be killed so that Nancy could live (hate the thought!) you would have set it up pretty stinking perfectly.
Of course, the means you'd have to have somebody working on the inside of the FBI, too. Which would be a cool detail to have later.
Anyway, this has been an awesome ride. Thanks a bunch!
Comment Written 21-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2021
-
Thank you for always following and being there while we traveled this journey with the good and the bad. I feel like a boat adrift in the sea...not sure which way to go right now. LOL Thanks, Smiles, Carol
Comment from Leann DS
Excellent! I wonder if the negative Nelly's are happy with Nancy's fate now? Is a life sentence good enough for them?
I did not expect that one. Nice twist! And the poisoned brownies? Genius! Didn't expect that either. :-)
I was just thinking... On the initial read, I was feeling some anxiety and praying that it was not Amanda who went over the cliff. You might be able to draw that out a little longer for added tension! Just a thought. Either way, it's awesome.
Have a great week! Hugs.
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2021
|
Excellent! I wonder if the negative Nelly's are happy with Nancy's fate now? Is a life sentence good enough for them?
I did not expect that one. Nice twist! And the poisoned brownies? Genius! Didn't expect that either. :-)
I was just thinking... On the initial read, I was feeling some anxiety and praying that it was not Amanda who went over the cliff. You might be able to draw that out a little longer for added tension! Just a thought. Either way, it's awesome.
Have a great week! Hugs.
Comment Written 21-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 22-Jun-2021
-
I initially intended to draw the Amanda part out further because I love the tension...maybe when I go back for the rewrite, I can expand.
Thank you for all the support and kindness you have given me during this story. And for the lovely reviews and stars you have always provided me with to make my day! Smiles, Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Great story. We got O'Shea but we still don't have the top guy. DARN!!! But we do have a possibility for another story. YEA!!! I am waiting.
Garth sighed, "Now we have to find O'Shea." (period after sigh)
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2021
|
Great story. We got O'Shea but we still don't have the top guy. DARN!!! But we do have a possibility for another story. YEA!!! I am waiting.
Garth sighed, "Now we have to find O'Shea." (period after sigh)
Comment Written 20-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2021
-
Yes...the possibility of another story with Hank and Garth.
I have no idea what or where it would be, but the mystery man left an opening...
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is a different ending than expected for sure, Carol. The landslide was an interesting twist, with Nancy and O'Shea gone, there's no need for any court proceedings for them. But I feel that you've left us still hanging with a few loose ends. What became of Ty? Who poisoned O'Shea? It might need to be a longer book, or a two volume one. Just my thoughts. You've done a terrific job of creating this story.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2021
|
This is a different ending than expected for sure, Carol. The landslide was an interesting twist, with Nancy and O'Shea gone, there's no need for any court proceedings for them. But I feel that you've left us still hanging with a few loose ends. What became of Ty? Who poisoned O'Shea? It might need to be a longer book, or a two volume one. Just my thoughts. You've done a terrific job of creating this story.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2021
-
You might have missed where Spider provided information proving Ty was innocent, and as for who poisoned O'Shea... that's possibly a lead in for a sequel.
Thanks so much for the kind review and for always being so supportive. Smiles, Carol
-
Oh right, I do remember Spider providing that info. But did he get out of the hospital? I don't recall him ever being mentioned again.
-
i probably should have including something at Beth's party...maybe when I go back I will make that clearer... Thanks!
Comment from Ric Myworld
I knew you wouldn't let things playout quietly, but must say, I wasn't expecting this much drama and Nancy's death. Just another little twist to keep us tuned in until the end. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2021
|
I knew you wouldn't let things playout quietly, but must say, I wasn't expecting this much drama and Nancy's death. Just another little twist to keep us tuned in until the end. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2021
-
Guess this girl just loves the drama... and the surprises, of course. Do you think it was too much? I wanted them to get what they deserved but in a different way... And then, of course, we now can wonder who was responsible for all the murders? A mystery Person for sure. Thank you for all your support and for continuing to follow faithfully till the end. I appreciate it beyond words. Smiles, Carol
-
I like the fact that you left us hanging at the end. AS you always do. Meaning, you could even pick this story up with a whole new set of characters down the road. It's entertainment, my dear, and you do it well!
-
As always thanks for the huge smile you put on my face... you are a very special friend.
(((HUGS)))
-
((HUGS)) You brighten every day, my dear friend!
Comment from BethShelby
This is a blockbuster of a story. I don't mind that you let Nancy go off the cliff to her death. The landslide was a surprise and worked nicely into the story. I have to admit I'm a little confused about O'Shea. I don't mind this evil man dying but I don't quite get who poisoned him. That wouldn't be the way the FBI works and I can't see the drug dealing gaining anything by poisoning him. It occurs to me there are still lose ends with those buying the drugs and maybe you plan using Garth in another story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2021
|
This is a blockbuster of a story. I don't mind that you let Nancy go off the cliff to her death. The landslide was a surprise and worked nicely into the story. I have to admit I'm a little confused about O'Shea. I don't mind this evil man dying but I don't quite get who poisoned him. That wouldn't be the way the FBI works and I can't see the drug dealing gaining anything by poisoning him. It occurs to me there are still lose ends with those buying the drugs and maybe you plan using Garth in another story.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2021
-
Someone figured O'Shea was expendable... he couldn't tell anyone who he worked with (which were definitely some high-priority people). Yes.... maybe somewhere in there, Hank and Garth will rise to fight crime and drugs again. since the person with the brownies brought illegal documents with the new ID, etc... it most definitely wasn't the FBI... nor did the FBI push the bulldozer over the cliff either... Someone is lurking in the shadows.
Smiles, Carol
-
Well, if I'm the only one that wondered about the circumstances of Garth's death, then there is no problem. It is great story and i don't think you;ll have trouble publishing it. You are a very talented novelist.
Comment from Susan Newell
Wow! Nancy is quickly dispatched, then we discover it's not at the hands of O'Shea and he gets taken out by whomever is pulling his strings, leaving great opportunity for a sequel of where Mystery Man goes from here. Ironic that Nancy's troubles began and ended on a cliff. Same one? Yay! You finished with multiple bangs!
The only spot where I had trouble was switching from outside the warehouse to inside, back to out during the section on Peter. I didn't think Peter and Spider ever went in.
"Garth Woodman, here." -- Woodhouse?
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2021
|
Wow! Nancy is quickly dispatched, then we discover it's not at the hands of O'Shea and he gets taken out by whomever is pulling his strings, leaving great opportunity for a sequel of where Mystery Man goes from here. Ironic that Nancy's troubles began and ended on a cliff. Same one? Yay! You finished with multiple bangs!
The only spot where I had trouble was switching from outside the warehouse to inside, back to out during the section on Peter. I didn't think Peter and Spider ever went in.
"Garth Woodman, here." -- Woodhouse?
Comment Written 20-Jun-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jun-2021
-
Yes... I wondered if anyone would catch the fact that Rocky Beach Road is where it began as a teenager and where it ended too. Good one!
i will go back and read but I thought I had them entering through a side door which Peter asked about and Spider said he'd already checked. Maybe not...could have been in my head but not on the paper.
Thank you for always being there, supporting me and helping me get through this awesome journey. I can't believe it's over... well, in a way it's just beginning...Now I must proof, change and polish...
Oh yeah...and maybe hatch up another story for Hank and Garth and the mystery man. LOL
Smiles and hugs and a BIG THANK YOU....
Always, Carol
-
Let me know when you are done polishing and I'll ty to go back and read it straight through, or maybe over a few days.
-
I don't even know where to begin on rewriting...this is all new to me. I guess I read and see how it affects me now. open to any and all suggestions...