Secrets in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "Secrets in the Wind - Chap 6"A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
19 total reviews
Comment from karenina
Hurrah! Nobody writes witty give and take like you do, friend! Garth is back! Yay! Lots of attraction between these two... Whatever could that mean?! Ah, nice interjection of the gambling/womanizing priest... I have to keep my eye on him! The perfect lighthearted chapter after the drama of chapter five!
Karenina
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2021
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Hurrah! Nobody writes witty give and take like you do, friend! Garth is back! Yay! Lots of attraction between these two... Whatever could that mean?! Ah, nice interjection of the gambling/womanizing priest... I have to keep my eye on him! The perfect lighthearted chapter after the drama of chapter five!
Karenina
Comment Written 28-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2021
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Like I pointed out...remember the people in the first chapter -
1. pregnant teenage girl - Mary
2. her boyfriend Jon who the family reports has been killed in a car
3. Jon's sister, Cassidy
I only stress this because so many forgot as they got deeper into the story and now it's confusing to them. Yes, please do keep your eye on that priest.
Love ya, Carol
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Yes! Rotten thing Jon's family did at the start... I'm taking it all in. I know you, though and there will be lots of twists and wild turns that keep me on my toes! Thoroughly enjoyable read thus far!
Karenina
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thank you so much, Karenina. You are salve for my wounds and sunshine for my soul.
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Wow! I feel "brighter" already!
Karenina
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Well, this was a playful chapter! That was quite a flirtation between Allie and Jeremy -- who, as it turns out, is an FBI agent, if you read the fine print below.
Errors and (very minor) suggested revisions:
One hand held her cell phone and the other her bag ...
-->
One hand held her cell phone, and the other her bag, ...
I'm going to hang up so I can get this coffee.
-->
I'm going to hang up, so I can get this coffee.
This time, the sexy smile was a wide pearly white grin.
-->
This time, the sexy smile was a wide, pearly white grin.
She looked picture perfect till she smacked her gum.
-->
She looked picture perfect, till she smacked her gum.
"So, how have you been occupying your time besides attending murder trials?"
-->
"So, how have you been occupying your time, besides attending murder trials?"
Mary Hunter - Retired nurse and current caretaker of Faith and Annie
-->
Mary Hunter - Retired nurse and current caregiver of Faith and Annie
Faith Cranston-Newton - daughter of the Cranston's
-->
Faith Cranston-Newton - daughter of the Cranstons
***
So it seems that the priest is doing double duty, as a high-stakes roller! But so is Jeremy, who's probably keeping an eye on him. What order does this priest belong to, the Order of the Big Bucks? And did he take a vow of wealth?
This chapter was more lighthearted, a break from the previous ones, before your story gets more serious again, which it will inevitably have to.
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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Well, this was a playful chapter! That was quite a flirtation between Allie and Jeremy -- who, as it turns out, is an FBI agent, if you read the fine print below.
Errors and (very minor) suggested revisions:
One hand held her cell phone and the other her bag ...
-->
One hand held her cell phone, and the other her bag, ...
I'm going to hang up so I can get this coffee.
-->
I'm going to hang up, so I can get this coffee.
This time, the sexy smile was a wide pearly white grin.
-->
This time, the sexy smile was a wide, pearly white grin.
She looked picture perfect till she smacked her gum.
-->
She looked picture perfect, till she smacked her gum.
"So, how have you been occupying your time besides attending murder trials?"
-->
"So, how have you been occupying your time, besides attending murder trials?"
Mary Hunter - Retired nurse and current caretaker of Faith and Annie
-->
Mary Hunter - Retired nurse and current caregiver of Faith and Annie
Faith Cranston-Newton - daughter of the Cranston's
-->
Faith Cranston-Newton - daughter of the Cranstons
***
So it seems that the priest is doing double duty, as a high-stakes roller! But so is Jeremy, who's probably keeping an eye on him. What order does this priest belong to, the Order of the Big Bucks? And did he take a vow of wealth?
This chapter was more lighthearted, a break from the previous ones, before your story gets more serious again, which it will inevitably have to.
Comment Written 21-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 23-Jul-2021
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Mary Kay,
you might recall Jon was Mary's boyfriend in the first chapter. His family is rich, in the military, and travel extensively. They allowed Mary to believe Jon was dead when actually they whipped him away to a seminary in Italy.... thus he became a priest.
Hope that helps... Smiles, Carol
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Yes, that sure does help. Thanks for refreshing my memory. It's different, when the reader has the whole book in front of him or her, and is turning the pages, rather than digesting one chapter at a time. I appreciate your patience. Blessings and love, Mary Kay xoxo
Comment from ShirleyT1
I really enjoyed reading this chapter and meeting Jeremy. He's the kind of character the reader develops a hate/love relationship. You are a great writer and creator of a story.
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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I really enjoyed reading this chapter and meeting Jeremy. He's the kind of character the reader develops a hate/love relationship. You are a great writer and creator of a story.
Comment Written 19-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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Good morning, Shirley
Thank you so much for reading and enjoying my story. It has a lot of twists and turns as we go on...but that's what I love in a story..always guessing and then being surprised at how things change. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
This is shaping up into a very interesting story. As each new character is introduced the connections become apparent. Jeremy chose not to let Allie know what profession he was in and as the story builds we will see that the friend he speaks of is Hank.
Ralf
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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This is shaping up into a very interesting story. As each new character is introduced the connections become apparent. Jeremy chose not to let Allie know what profession he was in and as the story builds we will see that the friend he speaks of is Hank.
Ralf
Comment Written 18-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 20-Jul-2021
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Yes, being undercover is a difficult burden to carry and be truthful about who you really are... I think at some point he will share the truth with Allie.
smiles, Carol
Comment from Sally Law
This was really cheeky with lots of yourself packed into this one! What a riot! I loved your gum-smacking waitress. Priceless images I can't get rid of. Super fantastic chapter I wish I had a six for. Looking forward to the next, Carol dear.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs...
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2021
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This was really cheeky with lots of yourself packed into this one! What a riot! I loved your gum-smacking waitress. Priceless images I can't get rid of. Super fantastic chapter I wish I had a six for. Looking forward to the next, Carol dear.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal XOs...
Comment Written 18-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2021
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Hi Sally...
I loved writing this particular chapter too. It was fun and just a touch of give and take for Jeremy and Ally. I am so glad that you enjoyed it.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Loved it, Loved it, Loved it. This was great. Garth at his finest. YES!!!!! Can't wait for more. One thing, please be cautious with your use of 'was' . That puts your writing in passive tense, you need to be in active. Sometimes 'was' is necessary, but in the following cases, it's not.
Allie was staring into the sexiest steel-blue eyes she'd ever seen. The stranger with the Stetson was laughing at her. (This is passive. Any dealings with Garth need to be active. "Allie stared into the sexiest steel-blue eyes she'd ever seen. The stranger with the Stetson laughed at her. ")
She could see Jeremy was standing in front of the only empty one. (again passive, try -" She could see Jeremy stood in front of the only empty one.")
Allie knew he was speaking the truth, but she didn't like it rubbed in her face. The young server standing at their table rescued her from total embarrassment. (again passive. "Allie knew he spoke the truth, but she didn't like it rubbed in her face. The young server stood at their table and rescued her from total embarrassment.")
Almost choking, Allie coughed and then ordered. "Nothing hot for me. I'll have a caramel macchiato." (comma needed after 'ordered')
Curiosity was tickling Allie's investigative bone. (passive - Curiosity tickled Allie's investigative bone.)
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2021
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Loved it, Loved it, Loved it. This was great. Garth at his finest. YES!!!!! Can't wait for more. One thing, please be cautious with your use of 'was' . That puts your writing in passive tense, you need to be in active. Sometimes 'was' is necessary, but in the following cases, it's not.
Allie was staring into the sexiest steel-blue eyes she'd ever seen. The stranger with the Stetson was laughing at her. (This is passive. Any dealings with Garth need to be active. "Allie stared into the sexiest steel-blue eyes she'd ever seen. The stranger with the Stetson laughed at her. ")
She could see Jeremy was standing in front of the only empty one. (again passive, try -" She could see Jeremy stood in front of the only empty one.")
Allie knew he was speaking the truth, but she didn't like it rubbed in her face. The young server standing at their table rescued her from total embarrassment. (again passive. "Allie knew he spoke the truth, but she didn't like it rubbed in her face. The young server stood at their table and rescued her from total embarrassment.")
Almost choking, Allie coughed and then ordered. "Nothing hot for me. I'll have a caramel macchiato." (comma needed after 'ordered')
Curiosity was tickling Allie's investigative bone. (passive - Curiosity tickled Allie's investigative bone.)
Comment Written 18-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2021
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Great comments! You are right...all dealings with Garth needed to be active, very active. LOL I do have a bad fault of writing that way... i will try to work on it. Smiles, Carol
Corrected - thank you!
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Garth can't be anything but active.
Comment from Carol Clark2
Good dialogue between Jeremy and Allie. It moves the story along, and fills in good information for the reader. Another fine write in this chapter. Looking forward to the next. Blessings. Carol
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2021
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Good dialogue between Jeremy and Allie. It moves the story along, and fills in good information for the reader. Another fine write in this chapter. Looking forward to the next. Blessings. Carol
Comment Written 18-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2021
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thanks, Carol.. I thought a little wit and humor lightens the story at times and also lets us discover information without making it technical. Smiles, Carol
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I enjoyed the humor and wit, and it does lighten the story nicely. A good change of pace.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
So, Jeremy is an undercover FBI Agent. That's interesting.
Good job on the mutual attraction between Jeremy and Allie.
It's always a good idea to have a romance going on in a story. People love to learn about budding romances. LOL
Well done, Carol. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2021
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So, Jeremy is an undercover FBI Agent. That's interesting.
Good job on the mutual attraction between Jeremy and Allie.
It's always a good idea to have a romance going on in a story. People love to learn about budding romances. LOL
Well done, Carol. Nancy:)
Comment Written 18-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2021
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Thanks, Nancy... Jeremy (Garth) and Hank are people from my last two stories. Everyone seems to like them, so it's fun to bring them back. Thanks for the review. Smiles, Carol
Comment from eliz100
This is another great installment. The plot continues to thicken. You moved the story along nicely. I don't see any room for improvement. I look forward to the next installment.
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2021
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This is another great installment. The plot continues to thicken. You moved the story along nicely. I don't see any room for improvement. I look forward to the next installment.
Comment Written 18-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2021
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thanks so much for your kind response and for stopping by to take the time to read.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Patty Palmer
Another great chapter. I'm waiting to read the next chapters. This story is developing very nicely. Your words are descriptive and paint a picture of what is going on at the moment.
Patty
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2021
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Another great chapter. I'm waiting to read the next chapters. This story is developing very nicely. Your words are descriptive and paint a picture of what is going on at the moment.
Patty
Comment Written 18-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 18-Jul-2021
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I think you read these chapters backwards, Patty...
You could get mighty confused that way. Glad you enjoyed it anyways. Smiles and hugs, Carol