Secrets in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "Secrets in the Wind - Chap 11"A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
19 total reviews
Comment from karenina
I know others have read this and offered editorial suggestions long before I'm getting here. The good news is that leaves me to sit back and enjoy the story as it unfolds. The bad news is my heart is aching for poor Cassidy--who seriously thinks her "prince" --Mason-- will come through for her. So not gonna happen! Allie is a spunky, bright, innovative thinker who I absolutely believe would be able to coax this information out of Cassidy with her well placed questions. Focusing on this one meeting between prisoner and "plant" made for a very intense chapter! Loving it!
Karenina
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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I know others have read this and offered editorial suggestions long before I'm getting here. The good news is that leaves me to sit back and enjoy the story as it unfolds. The bad news is my heart is aching for poor Cassidy--who seriously thinks her "prince" --Mason-- will come through for her. So not gonna happen! Allie is a spunky, bright, innovative thinker who I absolutely believe would be able to coax this information out of Cassidy with her well placed questions. Focusing on this one meeting between prisoner and "plant" made for a very intense chapter! Loving it!
Karenina
Comment Written 30-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 30-Aug-2021
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I am sure I will need to go back from start to finish and repolish things which I have to do with Deception as well, but the honest truth is...if I self publish it's really just for me. I don't expect to be a Sandra Brown or a James Patterson. I'll be happy knowing someone enjoyed my story even if it's not perfect.
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I just finished a book ("One, Two, Three")--It was strange and unique and wonderfully written. In the author's notes Laurie Frankel states she's so glad her support system agreed with her that editing a book ought to take place 10 or 12 times.
As writers we always tend to our "children"--the things we write. There is and has never been ONE WAY of writing correctly. You may elect to self-publish! I do think there are perceptive publishers out there who'd give this and "Deception" a serious read and consideration. Know what? The Celestine Prophecy" started out as a self-published book! It's sold 12 million copies or more now! The first 100,000 were sold out of the trunk of the author's (Redfield's) car. Every writer has quirks and stylized "shorthand" and none of them is mimicking Hemingway. You may not be Patterson. You are likely better!--Karenina
Comment from robyn corum
Carol,
IDK - she seems too kind-hearted to fall asleep with a smile. Maybe she was torn. In sympathy for the girl AND dreaming of those blue eyes?
One note:
(L)ack of eye contact and wringing hands (spelled) extreme nervousness.
Loving it, and moving on!
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2021
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Carol,
IDK - she seems too kind-hearted to fall asleep with a smile. Maybe she was torn. In sympathy for the girl AND dreaming of those blue eyes?
One note:
(L)ack of eye contact and wringing hands (spelled) extreme nervousness.
Loving it, and moving on!
Comment Written 29-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 30-Jul-2021
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thanks girlfriend...
You are jumping all over the place and I can't remember what's in what chapter...and it's my story. LOL Senility setting in for sure.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
This is a very exciting chapter, also very different, as it takes place between two incarcerated women, neither of whom really belong in prison, but who are there for vastly different reasons.
I like the way you have Allie's inner thoughts in a blue font, to set them apart.
Here are some errors and suggestions:
and so many other secrets in the wind.
-->
and so many other secrets are in the wind.
and the description chaos was mild.
-->
and the description "chaos" was mild.
lack of eye contact and wringing hands spelt extreme nervousness.
-->
Lack of eye contact and wringing hands spelt extreme nervousness.
"The top one unless you're afraid of heights."
-->
"The top one, unless you're afraid of heights."
"He owns a casino and resort plus a large ranch.
-->
"He owns a casino and resort, plus a large ranch.
"No, I didn't do it. [Nothing is off, except your opening quotation mark is in the blue font.]
***
Will Allie get Cassidy to open up? That remains to be seen.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2021
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This is a very exciting chapter, also very different, as it takes place between two incarcerated women, neither of whom really belong in prison, but who are there for vastly different reasons.
I like the way you have Allie's inner thoughts in a blue font, to set them apart.
Here are some errors and suggestions:
and so many other secrets in the wind.
-->
and so many other secrets are in the wind.
and the description chaos was mild.
-->
and the description "chaos" was mild.
lack of eye contact and wringing hands spelt extreme nervousness.
-->
Lack of eye contact and wringing hands spelt extreme nervousness.
"The top one unless you're afraid of heights."
-->
"The top one, unless you're afraid of heights."
"He owns a casino and resort plus a large ranch.
-->
"He owns a casino and resort, plus a large ranch.
"No, I didn't do it. [Nothing is off, except your opening quotation mark is in the blue font.]
***
Will Allie get Cassidy to open up? That remains to be seen.
Comment Written 27-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2021
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The prison is a dangerous place and I hope both women stay safe until Allie can gain Cassidy's confidence. thanks for reading and all your effort.
Smiles, Carol
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You're very welcome, Carol. You're all worried about answering my reviews, but I'm not very swift at making replies, and I do apologize!
Absolutely, I hope they both stay safe until Allie?s mission is accomplished.
God bless you, my friend.
Love, Mary Kay xoxo
Comment from Carol Clark2
Great idea to put Allie in the cell with Cassidy. Question: how would Allie (undercover) know Mason's last name, since Cassidy hasn't told her? Also, that the housekeeper testified against her? But of course, you could have put those things in there to later have Cassidy wonder about them. Either way, a good story, with a little more backstory about the characters.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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Great idea to put Allie in the cell with Cassidy. Question: how would Allie (undercover) know Mason's last name, since Cassidy hasn't told her? Also, that the housekeeper testified against her? But of course, you could have put those things in there to later have Cassidy wonder about them. Either way, a good story, with a little more backstory about the characters.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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She said she knew about the trial and that her best friend lived there. I think that would give her opportunity to have learned his name. If she read the newspapers, it was well publicized...
Smiles, Carol
Comment from eliz100
This is another great installment. Now I know more of Father Jon's story. I don't see any room for improvement. I look forward to the next installment.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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This is another great installment. Now I know more of Father Jon's story. I don't see any room for improvement. I look forward to the next installment.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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Thank you for reading and reviewing this chapter. I apology for being so far behind in my responses. Reality called and I had to answer my life. LOL
Smiles, Carol
Comment from lyenochka
You did a great job with this chapter. Allie should get an academy award - for her part as a prisoner and as a counselor to this deceived Cassidy. Hopefully, Allie will get the information she needs and can get Cassidy released.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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You did a great job with this chapter. Allie should get an academy award - for her part as a prisoner and as a counselor to this deceived Cassidy. Hopefully, Allie will get the information she needs and can get Cassidy released.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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Thank you for reading and reviewing this chapter. I apology for being so far behind in my responses. Reality called and I had to answer my life. LOL
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Garth is a fan of undercover spying, no? This could prove helpful with Allie in the same cell as Cassidy, but Cassidy is truly under the influence of Mason. She really thinks he'll save her. Well, Allie has a job to do here so we shall see how it turns out.
Ralf
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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Garth is a fan of undercover spying, no? This could prove helpful with Allie in the same cell as Cassidy, but Cassidy is truly under the influence of Mason. She really thinks he'll save her. Well, Allie has a job to do here so we shall see how it turns out.
Ralf
Comment Written 25-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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Thank you for reading and reviewing this chapter. I apology for being so far behind in my responses. Reality called and I had to answer my life. LOL
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Patty Palmer
This is cool with Allie undercover at the prison and gets Cassidy as her cellmate. Poor girl believes Mason is going to rescue her, but we already know that's not going to happen either. Another interesting chapter.
Hugs!
Patty
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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This is cool with Allie undercover at the prison and gets Cassidy as her cellmate. Poor girl believes Mason is going to rescue her, but we already know that's not going to happen either. Another interesting chapter.
Hugs!
Patty
Comment Written 25-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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Thank you for reading and reviewing this chapter. I apology for being so far behind in my responses. Reality called and I had to answer my life. LOL
Smiles, Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Well, Allie made contact with Cassidy. I do hope Hank and Garth can keep them both protected until they can figure this murder out. So now we have a hint of what happened to Jon. This is getting really good.
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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Well, Allie made contact with Cassidy. I do hope Hank and Garth can keep them both protected until they can figure this murder out. So now we have a hint of what happened to Jon. This is getting really good.
Comment Written 25-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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Thank you for reading and reviewing this chapter. I apology for being so far behind in my responses. Reality called and I had to answer my life. LOL
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Judy Lawless
I really like this chapter, Carol. You've got the descriptions and emotions down pat. Putting Allie in there with Cassidy is brilliant. I especially like it because it deals with only one scenario of the story. Jumping from one to another in the same chapter is often confusing. Excellent work!
One little spag: Umm... I think I might (I) have heard of it."
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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I really like this chapter, Carol. You've got the descriptions and emotions down pat. Putting Allie in there with Cassidy is brilliant. I especially like it because it deals with only one scenario of the story. Jumping from one to another in the same chapter is often confusing. Excellent work!
One little spag: Umm... I think I might (I) have heard of it."
Comment Written 25-Jul-2021
reply by the author on 27-Jul-2021
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Thank you for reading and reviewing this chapter. I apology for being so far behind in my responses. Reality called and I had to answer my life. LOL
Smiles, Carol