Secrets in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 26 "Secrets in the Wind - Chap 26"A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
21 total reviews
Comment from karenina
My bad! I totally had Darryl pegged as one of the bad guys... Turns out he may well be anything but! (Oh your teasing mention of his criminal past!)
Twins I suspected! Liz and Faith? Nope--again did not see that coming! Mary is going to explode as she deals with the impending loss of Faith only to learn she has had yet another child (Liz) basically a short walk away! Your dialogue driven story is a trademark of your unique and interesting style, Carol. I realize some are clamoring for more narrative...
Love that you own your work and stay true to your author's instinct! Oh MAN! More bad news to come... Think maybe I'll take a breath! My pulse is elevated!
Karenina
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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My bad! I totally had Darryl pegged as one of the bad guys... Turns out he may well be anything but! (Oh your teasing mention of his criminal past!)
Twins I suspected! Liz and Faith? Nope--again did not see that coming! Mary is going to explode as she deals with the impending loss of Faith only to learn she has had yet another child (Liz) basically a short walk away! Your dialogue driven story is a trademark of your unique and interesting style, Carol. I realize some are clamoring for more narrative...
Love that you own your work and stay true to your author's instinct! Oh MAN! More bad news to come... Think maybe I'll take a breath! My pulse is elevated!
Karenina
Comment Written 01-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
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Yes...his criminal past was long ago and he turned over a new leaf... LOL Yes, I hope as you read things became clearer to you regarding Mary and the twins. And yes, the pressure is on by a few.
Smiles, Carol
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It must make you crazy to read all of my comments without knowing I've gone ahead and figures out what you were plotting for everyone! Sorry for the flood of reviews all at once! Remember...just pass them by and read them when you can...ONE PM and we're good!
Karenina
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I count on you and Sandra to keep me straight and tell me the truth, so I really do need to keep up with them.
Sandra told me today that she saw we were tied for first place, and she thought I deserved to win. I told her she was crazy...but she wrote me the most beautiful and heartwarming note...I cried all the way through it?what a lift on my self-esteem.
Both of you are awesome. I don't know how I got so lucky, but I will be forever grateful.
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Hey girlfriend. You are always first place in my book! Sorry, but it's true!
Karenina
Comment from robyn corum
Carol,
I am so glad Darryl is sharing some of those secrets. Not only for his sake but for the sake of the story. I used to get so frustrated when reading Romance novels and the couples were kept apart because of secrets. All they ever had to do was just TALK. Drove me NUTS.
Anyway, in your stories, there's always way more than surface stuff that works against the characters. Moving on -
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2021
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Carol,
I am so glad Darryl is sharing some of those secrets. Not only for his sake but for the sake of the story. I used to get so frustrated when reading Romance novels and the couples were kept apart because of secrets. All they ever had to do was just TALK. Drove me NUTS.
Anyway, in your stories, there's always way more than surface stuff that works against the characters. Moving on -
Comment Written 29-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2021
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Yes, i am happy with the turn of events as well. It's difficult for me as well when I want to scream out what's going to happen...but then it wouldn't be much of a story, huh? Smiles, Carol
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
Just catching up here, on some missed chapters. So here's where it's discovered that Faith is Liz's twin sister. Darryl knows it, and now the agents know it, but Liz doesn't know it yet.
One suggestion:
Jack trusted you, and I will too ...
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Jack trusted you, and I will too, ...
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This story has a lot going on!
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2021
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Just catching up here, on some missed chapters. So here's where it's discovered that Faith is Liz's twin sister. Darryl knows it, and now the agents know it, but Liz doesn't know it yet.
One suggestion:
Jack trusted you, and I will too ...
-->
Jack trusted you, and I will too, ...
***
This story has a lot going on!
Comment Written 28-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2021
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No...Mary believes Liz who she named Hope died. She will be amazed to discover another daughter living under her nose.
smiles, Carol
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That's so exciting. You're writing such an interesting story.
Love and blessings,
Mary Kay xoxo
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That should be an awesome revelation, and I look forward to reading about it.
Blessings, Mary Kay
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
This is some information! Just so much to take in at once. The need for a DNA test baffles Hank who jumps to all the wrong conclusions. W.hen the truth is finally laid out with a promise of more, Hank and Garth decide to indulge in a stronger drink. The story unfolding is an amazing tale of coincidences.
Ralf
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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This is some information! Just so much to take in at once. The need for a DNA test baffles Hank who jumps to all the wrong conclusions. W.hen the truth is finally laid out with a promise of more, Hank and Garth decide to indulge in a stronger drink. The story unfolding is an amazing tale of coincidences.
Ralf
Comment Written 23-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2021
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I might need to indulge in something myself if I don't untangle all the webs I have weaved. LOL Lots of things brewing and a few more to come!
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Beejay
I knew they were going to be twins..at least I guessed that part to be correct. Also I was so pleased that Darryl turned out to be a good guy too. But where will it all end, there's still quite a chunk to fathom out...
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2021
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I knew they were going to be twins..at least I guessed that part to be correct. Also I was so pleased that Darryl turned out to be a good guy too. But where will it all end, there's still quite a chunk to fathom out...
Comment Written 20-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2021
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Yes there most certainly is and some of it is going to be bad...But I believe in happy endings so not to worry too much. Thank you for the kind review. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Seshadri_Sreenivasan
I think the plot is turning out to be intriguing with some twists and turns. So, is Darryl really a good guy? Mary is the mother of sisters FAith and Liz and Faith is going to die? Maybe things will be clear in the next chapter.
The flow is good and your strength lies in the dialogues that throw up the traits. Good going!
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2021
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I think the plot is turning out to be intriguing with some twists and turns. So, is Darryl really a good guy? Mary is the mother of sisters FAith and Liz and Faith is going to die? Maybe things will be clear in the next chapter.
The flow is good and your strength lies in the dialogues that throw up the traits. Good going!
Comment Written 19-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2021
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Thank you so much for your kind thoughts and the excellent review. I appreciate it very much. I often wonder if I am telling the story to everyone's satisfaction or purely rambling on. thank you!
smiles, Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Jon is the father of those two, isn't he? I think Darryl also need to let them know that Cynthia is snooping around. She could really cause trouble. I don't trust her at all. I love the story.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2021
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Jon is the father of those two, isn't he? I think Darryl also need to let them know that Cynthia is snooping around. She could really cause trouble. I don't trust her at all. I love the story.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2021
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He hadn't finished talking...so next chapter should get every one aware of Cynthia..LOL Thanks so much, Barbara....
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, you've done it again, left us readers to waiting for the next chapter to find out the answers we want to know now. LOL. Yes, it's good writing, but it sure is aggravating. Hope you're having a great week! :-)
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2021
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Well, you've done it again, left us readers to waiting for the next chapter to find out the answers we want to know now. LOL. Yes, it's good writing, but it sure is aggravating. Hope you're having a great week! :-)
Comment Written 18-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2021
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Hello there, dear friend
What goodies have you been cooking up today or was this a buffet type of day? It's been a rough day for me. but I shall survive. I will try to write again tomorrow. Hope you are doing okay....
smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from ShirleyT1
I like the character you've created with Darryl. There's many layers to him, and I like where you're going with him. This is another great story, and offers some additional insights to your great story. An enjoyable read!
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2021
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I like the character you've created with Darryl. There's many layers to him, and I like where you're going with him. This is another great story, and offers some additional insights to your great story. An enjoyable read!
Comment Written 18-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2021
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Good morning, shirley
Thanks for the kind review and your thoughts on Darryl. Most people believed since he had a "colored" past, he was going to be bad...but he wasn't.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Susan Newell
Good morning,
I have to admit that I struggled with this one, and I sincerely hope that I don't hurt you too much by being frank. The plot movement is good and holds my interest, character development is also good (glad to learn that Darryl is a good guy) but the details sometimes stop me in my tracks. I wondered when Jack had told Darryl that Hank could be trusted. It was Liz that called Hank and didn't know anything about him until she found Jack's note. That's where more narrative would help fill in some of the backstory. You still are trying to tell the whole story through dialogue and using narrative mostly to set the stage. You can use people's thoughts to help fill in details for the reader. Darryl could remember a discussion with Jack, for example. It could be me, but I found myself thinking, "Do we have to wait for someone to get coffee AGAIN?" Coffee breaks are just that -- breaks in the rhythm. Okay occasionally, but not almost every time people converse.
Sue
Notes on issues I encountered:
on the top row. -- rack? Barrels can be stacked with wedges between, but they are usually in racks. Do a search for wine barrel racks and you can see them.
Full, standard 59-gallon wine barrels weigh about 600 lbs. No way Darryl could lift one. None of the forklift stuff rings true.
Go here to see the adapter needed for a forklift to handle barrels.
https://www.cascorp.com/americas/en/winebarrelhandler
here?": He turned -- delete colon
not to trust you." -- redundant; end after "not to"
"No, of course not. Though I am sure Liz probably believes it."
"Then why the secret? Who is this woman? I never saw her or the child when I delivered those boxes for Liz." -- I find it hard to believe that Liz believed Jack was having an affair and I don't understand Hank's immediate leap to Faith and Annie.
Jack requested a DNA test before he died. For security reasons, he had it sent to me. --- Later you speak of two tests. -- would confidentiality be better than security? He was hiding the info from Liz, right?
"Then whose test is it?" Why would he run a test on the woman? Was he trying to find her family? Why didn't she do it herself?" -- remove quotation marks after first sentence. Why the immediate assumption that the DNA test was for the woman?
"After meeting Faith, Jack wanted to confirm that... that Liz was her twin sister." -- As I recall, they weren't identical. Wouldn't the birth and adoption records have been more of a clue? This would be a good time to remind readers of those documents. It never hurts to slip in little reminders from time to time, especially when you have so many characters and subplots.
Is this woman trying to get Liz's money?" -- As sole heir to the Cranston estate, Faith would have been the one to sell it to Jack and Liz. Hank would know that by now (even though that hasn't been made clear to the reader) and it wouldn't seem likely that she'd then try to extort money from Liz.
Garth dropped his head and then looked away. His watery eyes filled with pain. He remembered the agony of watching his wife, Katherine, slip away one day at a time. -- We are now in Darryl's POV. He wouldn't have known the third, and would have had to notice the first and second sentences.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2021
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Good morning,
I have to admit that I struggled with this one, and I sincerely hope that I don't hurt you too much by being frank. The plot movement is good and holds my interest, character development is also good (glad to learn that Darryl is a good guy) but the details sometimes stop me in my tracks. I wondered when Jack had told Darryl that Hank could be trusted. It was Liz that called Hank and didn't know anything about him until she found Jack's note. That's where more narrative would help fill in some of the backstory. You still are trying to tell the whole story through dialogue and using narrative mostly to set the stage. You can use people's thoughts to help fill in details for the reader. Darryl could remember a discussion with Jack, for example. It could be me, but I found myself thinking, "Do we have to wait for someone to get coffee AGAIN?" Coffee breaks are just that -- breaks in the rhythm. Okay occasionally, but not almost every time people converse.
Sue
Notes on issues I encountered:
on the top row. -- rack? Barrels can be stacked with wedges between, but they are usually in racks. Do a search for wine barrel racks and you can see them.
Full, standard 59-gallon wine barrels weigh about 600 lbs. No way Darryl could lift one. None of the forklift stuff rings true.
Go here to see the adapter needed for a forklift to handle barrels.
https://www.cascorp.com/americas/en/winebarrelhandler
here?": He turned -- delete colon
not to trust you." -- redundant; end after "not to"
"No, of course not. Though I am sure Liz probably believes it."
"Then why the secret? Who is this woman? I never saw her or the child when I delivered those boxes for Liz." -- I find it hard to believe that Liz believed Jack was having an affair and I don't understand Hank's immediate leap to Faith and Annie.
Jack requested a DNA test before he died. For security reasons, he had it sent to me. --- Later you speak of two tests. -- would confidentiality be better than security? He was hiding the info from Liz, right?
"Then whose test is it?" Why would he run a test on the woman? Was he trying to find her family? Why didn't she do it herself?" -- remove quotation marks after first sentence. Why the immediate assumption that the DNA test was for the woman?
"After meeting Faith, Jack wanted to confirm that... that Liz was her twin sister." -- As I recall, they weren't identical. Wouldn't the birth and adoption records have been more of a clue? This would be a good time to remind readers of those documents. It never hurts to slip in little reminders from time to time, especially when you have so many characters and subplots.
Is this woman trying to get Liz's money?" -- As sole heir to the Cranston estate, Faith would have been the one to sell it to Jack and Liz. Hank would know that by now (even though that hasn't been made clear to the reader) and it wouldn't seem likely that she'd then try to extort money from Liz.
Garth dropped his head and then looked away. His watery eyes filled with pain. He remembered the agony of watching his wife, Katherine, slip away one day at a time. -- We are now in Darryl's POV. He wouldn't have known the third, and would have had to notice the first and second sentences.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 18-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 18-Aug-2021
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Good morning... Be as frank as you want, I too, am invested in getting the facts as true to life as possible. I don't always convey what my mind is thinking.
I thought it was time for another shipment and these empty barrels were stacked and ready to fill...they wouldn't be there long. I have seen barrels stacked without racks, but it took only two or three words to put the empty barrel on the top metal rack. If Darryl can't lift 100 pounds, he needs a different job. lol
Liz confronted Jack on hearsay but seeing hidden information on Faith would lead Faith to be the first suspect. The papers were a trigger for both Hank and Liz, but neither could connect the dots. Neither Faith nor Liz knew they had a twin sister... since they were adopted at different times and never told. Even Allie suggested Liz led a sheltered life, and Jack took care of everything. It would be a big shock to her even if she later didn't believe it. Or so I thought!
As for Hank, he thought he knew everything there was to know, and now he is discovering secrets. He's rattled a little and maybe feels slightly betrayed. Unless I forgot something, no one, including Hank, knew about Faith. Only Jack, Darryl, Mary, and Dr. Copeland. He had no reason to wonder if she owned the land or inherited anything from the Cranstons. The small cottage is deeded to Faith (when anyone checks), and her parents knew she was dying, so the lawyers were instructed to sell the property except the part deeded to Faith. She needed the money for her illness more than land. (Emmy was supposed to discover more about the land).
Faith knows the north end land is hers, and the rest was sold. She would have no reason to think of anything else.
I fixed the grammar suggestions and will work on the last POV... Do the other remarks make anything clearer? Or am I still off base? No one else has mentioned it, so I count on you to question what I am writing.
Smiles, Carol