Secrets in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 35 "Secrets in the Wind - Chap 35"A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
22 total reviews
Comment from eliz100
I am up to Chapter thirty five. Your story is quite the page turner. I hope to catch up soon. I keep trying to get back to Fanstory but life gets in the way.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
  |
I am up to Chapter thirty five. Your story is quite the page turner. I hope to catch up soon. I keep trying to get back to Fanstory but life gets in the way.
Comment Written 24-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
-
I truly understand the part of life getting in the way...It's been rough at this end too. I just appreciate you coming back to read...it tells me you liked the story and that's all I need to know.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Leann DS
I keep thinking that I'm going to run out of six star ratings, but I still have some! Yay! And this book is earning them like crazy.
I wanted to point out one thing that I've noticed. Other readers may not bad an I, but I think it is so obvious to me because One of the first prompts I responded to on fan story was the one where you had to start a sentence with... Beads of sweat rolled down Charlie's sunburned face. LOL
Anyway, throughout your book, you say "beads of sweat rolled down... "Four times. Maybe five. LOL it jumps out at me every time. Probably just me, but I wanted to tell you just in case you were unaware.
I think I can get in a few more chapters before I need to get ready for selling ice cream. Thanks for sharing this awesome book! I totally love it.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2021
 |
I keep thinking that I'm going to run out of six star ratings, but I still have some! Yay! And this book is earning them like crazy.
I wanted to point out one thing that I've noticed. Other readers may not bad an I, but I think it is so obvious to me because One of the first prompts I responded to on fan story was the one where you had to start a sentence with... Beads of sweat rolled down Charlie's sunburned face. LOL
Anyway, throughout your book, you say "beads of sweat rolled down... "Four times. Maybe five. LOL it jumps out at me every time. Probably just me, but I wanted to tell you just in case you were unaware.
I think I can get in a few more chapters before I need to get ready for selling ice cream. Thanks for sharing this awesome book! I totally love it.
Comment Written 12-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2021
-
You are correct...I noticed myself that I repeat the same few phrases and that is one thing I will have to catch when I rewrite. Thank you so much for reminding me.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from karenina
I need my vital signs checked! Zikes! You do know how to make me squirm! I am so glad Sebastian channeled his inner "Lassie.". Michael's pretzel leg needs serious attention!
Note to self: Do not live or visit anywhere that the cell reception is this horrible!
I'm assuming land lines are being used to summon the doctor, ambulance, check in with Darryl about Faith????
Who said hey were SMART phones?! (grin)
Enough! I need Annie back!!!! Time soon for a family reunion???
You're killing me in the most thrilling way!
Karenina
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
|
I need my vital signs checked! Zikes! You do know how to make me squirm! I am so glad Sebastian channeled his inner "Lassie.". Michael's pretzel leg needs serious attention!
Note to self: Do not live or visit anywhere that the cell reception is this horrible!
I'm assuming land lines are being used to summon the doctor, ambulance, check in with Darryl about Faith????
Who said hey were SMART phones?! (grin)
Enough! I need Annie back!!!! Time soon for a family reunion???
You're killing me in the most thrilling way!
Karenina
Comment Written 02-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
-
Yes...I did that because where I live cell reception can be very bad. Mine isn't thank heavens but everyone who visits and has a different carrier is horrible. I'll remember to fix the part about the pretzel leg...Thanks!
-
Tell me about cell reception! In my own TOWN I have blackout spots like as if aliens were bouncing my signal back! GRRR!
Karenina
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
What an eventful chapter! Sebastian led the agents to Michael, who told them Annie was kidnapped. Good dog, Sebastian! Good man, Michael! I found a lot of errors (and made a lot of suggestions), but it was an extra-long chapter -- maybe double in length, not that I was counting! It was too exciting.
Here are the recommended revisions:
Sebastion's four paws padded down the blacktop,
-->
Sebastian's four paws padded down the blacktop,
The lightning and thunder had moved over the hilltops and the remaining clouds sneezed now and then.
-->
The lightning and thunder had moved over the hilltops, and the remaining clouds sneezed now and then.
and it became a cane, support for her weary, rain-soaked body.
-->
and it became a cane, supporting her weary, rain-soaked body.
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,
-->
In the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,
She gasped and, with her remaining breath, pleaded, "help me."
-->
She gasped and, with her remaining breath, pleaded, "Help me."
Sebastion doubled back to Mary's fallen figure ...
-->
Sebastian doubled back to Mary's fallen figure ...
Tango and Poppa were sipping a most welcomed beer ...
-->
Tango and Poppa were sipping a most welcome beer ...
Sebastion's barking snapped them to attention,
-->
Sebastian's barking snapped them to attention,
Tango reached Mary and Sebastion first.
-->
Tango reached Mary and Sebastian first.
The dog seemed to sense the stranger meant no harm
-->
The dog seemed to sense the stranger meant no harm,
Her matted hair covered part of her face
-->
Her matted hair covered part of her face,
and into the lighted area where Tango stood with Mary in his arms.
-->
and into the lighted area, where Tango stood with Mary in his arms.
Tango's eyes gave Mary a quick once over.
-->
Tango's eyes gave Mary a quick once-over.
Hank caught up seconds later,
-->
Hank caught up seconds later.
***
I'm not 100% of how you're spelling "Sebastian," but I'm going with the usual spelling. I love St. Bernards, and I wish I had a dog like him! Of course, I'd need a big place in the country, with plenty of room. I wouldn't mind that, either.
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
|
What an eventful chapter! Sebastian led the agents to Michael, who told them Annie was kidnapped. Good dog, Sebastian! Good man, Michael! I found a lot of errors (and made a lot of suggestions), but it was an extra-long chapter -- maybe double in length, not that I was counting! It was too exciting.
Here are the recommended revisions:
Sebastion's four paws padded down the blacktop,
-->
Sebastian's four paws padded down the blacktop,
The lightning and thunder had moved over the hilltops and the remaining clouds sneezed now and then.
-->
The lightning and thunder had moved over the hilltops, and the remaining clouds sneezed now and then.
and it became a cane, support for her weary, rain-soaked body.
-->
and it became a cane, supporting her weary, rain-soaked body.
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,
-->
In the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,
She gasped and, with her remaining breath, pleaded, "help me."
-->
She gasped and, with her remaining breath, pleaded, "Help me."
Sebastion doubled back to Mary's fallen figure ...
-->
Sebastian doubled back to Mary's fallen figure ...
Tango and Poppa were sipping a most welcomed beer ...
-->
Tango and Poppa were sipping a most welcome beer ...
Sebastion's barking snapped them to attention,
-->
Sebastian's barking snapped them to attention,
Tango reached Mary and Sebastion first.
-->
Tango reached Mary and Sebastian first.
The dog seemed to sense the stranger meant no harm
-->
The dog seemed to sense the stranger meant no harm,
Her matted hair covered part of her face
-->
Her matted hair covered part of her face,
and into the lighted area where Tango stood with Mary in his arms.
-->
and into the lighted area, where Tango stood with Mary in his arms.
Tango's eyes gave Mary a quick once over.
-->
Tango's eyes gave Mary a quick once-over.
Hank caught up seconds later,
-->
Hank caught up seconds later.
***
I'm not 100% of how you're spelling "Sebastian," but I'm going with the usual spelling. I love St. Bernards, and I wish I had a dog like him! Of course, I'd need a big place in the country, with plenty of room. I wouldn't mind that, either.
Comment Written 30-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2021
-
Please forgive me for being so far behind on answering reviews, fixing suggestions, and thanking everyone for the kindness. Good thing a birthday only comes once a year. I posted to my family that I was cooking and for the first time in years, by house was over flowing for two days after two days of cooking. Now in three days, Matthew starts filming again and I must cook for them. This woman is tired. Thank you for all your support and kindness.
Smiles, Carol
-
God bless you... no need to reply :-)
Comment from robyn corum
Carol,
EXACTLY! The raining and pouring part obviously. Mostly pouring, though, to be honest. hahahaha Always keeps the reader riveted! hahaha
Wow. At least everyone seems to be in on most everything? I'm sure I'm forgetting something. We'll see.
And more...
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2021
|
Carol,
EXACTLY! The raining and pouring part obviously. Mostly pouring, though, to be honest. hahahaha Always keeps the reader riveted! hahaha
Wow. At least everyone seems to be in on most everything? I'm sure I'm forgetting something. We'll see.
And more...
Comment Written 29-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2021
-
We are about to discover most of the moving parts and emotions will begin to erupt and rock some lives. You deserve six stars for reading all these chapters. Awesome! I am so honored for your time and sweet words.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This chapter went very well; lots of action and characters involved. Michael is again the most interesting as he tells what happened. Mary's collapse only briefly delayed help.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2021
|
This chapter went very well; lots of action and characters involved. Michael is again the most interesting as he tells what happened. Mary's collapse only briefly delayed help.
Comment Written 28-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2021
-
thank you for continuing to read Carol. The upcoming chapters especially 38 on will be quite emotional I think. i appreciate your review. Smiles, Carol
Comment from Raffaelina Lowcock
Yes, the trouble is pouring in. Good that Sebastian is such a good dog that he alerted Hank and Garth into action. Hopefully, Mary will come to soon and fill them in with what she knows. Michael is really the one who
heard the suspicious scream and subsequent action of a car driving away.
Ralf
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2021
|
Yes, the trouble is pouring in. Good that Sebastian is such a good dog that he alerted Hank and Garth into action. Hopefully, Mary will come to soon and fill them in with what she knows. Michael is really the one who
heard the suspicious scream and subsequent action of a car driving away.
Ralf
Comment Written 27-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2021
-
got to love that dog...He's the hero for the day! Thanks for the review and I see you have continued to the next chapter. You should love Chapter 37 I think...and 38 -39 LOL Just kidding.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Susan Newell
Good chapter, sort of allowing us to catch up on events. Your narrative is good. I'm still having trouble visualizing the property and how all the various roads connect. You might want to consider including a map, and also the old one with the mine, river, etc.
Notes:
remaining clouds sneezed now and then. -- nice -- I hope they didn't have Covid. :-)
As Sebastian and Mary reached the driveway, a final spurt of adrenalin sent her stumbling toward the house. -- as before, adrenaline?
crumbled ==> crumpled
"When it rains, it pours around this place. I'll get back as soon as I can." Hank ended the call. -- I like his sense of humor.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2021
|
Good chapter, sort of allowing us to catch up on events. Your narrative is good. I'm still having trouble visualizing the property and how all the various roads connect. You might want to consider including a map, and also the old one with the mine, river, etc.
Notes:
remaining clouds sneezed now and then. -- nice -- I hope they didn't have Covid. :-)
As Sebastian and Mary reached the driveway, a final spurt of adrenalin sent her stumbling toward the house. -- as before, adrenaline?
crumbled ==> crumpled
"When it rains, it pours around this place. I'll get back as soon as I can." Hank ended the call. -- I like his sense of humor.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2021
-
I most certainly haven't forgotten the others and I am struggling to get to them but I saw this and wanted to say hello, thanks, and let you know I am trying to do my best. I haven't included visuals because once you told me they were distracting and not needed. I have a difficult time inserting them so I stopped.
Funny you mentioned Covid...it crossed my mind when I wrote it. LOL I shall try to fix your suggestions before the coming storm knocks off again. Hope you got my message.
Smiles and hugs, Carol
-
Hmm. I don't remember visuals as being distracting. Perhaps I was referring to the content and not the style. No rush to get to the other reviews. Most of them were good with few booboos.
-
Maybe it was someone else...this brain of mine is fried. I just want to write and get to the end. My goal is to self publish all of them, but that will require a lot of polishing and fixing. Even though I make your changes as you tell me, I most certainly have probably missed some. And in the other book, I changed the beginning so I need to blend it together. Smiles!
Comment from lancellot
Yes, when it rains, it pours. That a good dog. It nice to have classic Lassie moments. And the ole no signal for the cell phone, always comes in handy, during twentieth century stories. You a great job painting the scene in a viable way.
Well done.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2021
|
Yes, when it rains, it pours. That a good dog. It nice to have classic Lassie moments. And the ole no signal for the cell phone, always comes in handy, during twentieth century stories. You a great job painting the scene in a viable way.
Well done.
Comment Written 27-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2021
-
Hi lancellot...
Had a bit of internet trouble and got kicked off for a while. Glad I could thank you for reading this chapter as well. Appreciate your time, thoughts and the review.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Carol Clark2
Glad you were able to post this before your internet went down with the storm. I enjoyed this segment; the dialogue is great and fills in many details for the reader. Smiles and blessings. Carol
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2021
|
Glad you were able to post this before your internet went down with the storm. I enjoyed this segment; the dialogue is great and fills in many details for the reader. Smiles and blessings. Carol
Comment Written 27-Aug-2021
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2021
-
I wrote all afternoon and the instant it came back up, I posted two more chapters. I think you will find them interesting. Happy reading! Smiles, Carol
-
You've been busy today! Looking forward to reading the new chapters.