Secrets in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 52 "Secrets in the Wind - Chap 52"A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
18 total reviews
Comment from Leann DS
You know I love this! I'm just gonna list the typos. It's for time saving reasons :-). Here goes: "Nope, not a word. I was hoping we'd be able to talk to him. He might know where Miguel took the girl."
(I was confused who was talking because I doubt Mary would call Annie "the girl. "It's too impersonal.)
"You've lost a lot of blood, Miguel." Tito held on to Annie's arm while trying to support his friend, too. At the porch, Miquel
Miguel
"Shut up, kid." Tito squeezed Annie's arm.
She squealed in pain as Tito's fingers tightened on her thin arm.
The word "arm "is used twice in close proximity. Could you say "bicep?" "You're hurting me."
"Miquel, what's happening? Where are you?" Her voice quivered with fear.
Miguel has a Q instead of a G.
Keep it up, rockstar!
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2021
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You know I love this! I'm just gonna list the typos. It's for time saving reasons :-). Here goes: "Nope, not a word. I was hoping we'd be able to talk to him. He might know where Miguel took the girl."
(I was confused who was talking because I doubt Mary would call Annie "the girl. "It's too impersonal.)
"You've lost a lot of blood, Miguel." Tito held on to Annie's arm while trying to support his friend, too. At the porch, Miquel
Miguel
"Shut up, kid." Tito squeezed Annie's arm.
She squealed in pain as Tito's fingers tightened on her thin arm.
The word "arm "is used twice in close proximity. Could you say "bicep?" "You're hurting me."
"Miquel, what's happening? Where are you?" Her voice quivered with fear.
Miguel has a Q instead of a G.
Keep it up, rockstar!
Comment Written 02-Oct-2021
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2021
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Happy reading... I hope you love it as much as I do. Thanks again.
Love ya, Carol
Comment from pookietoo
A nice story. Keep up with the story writing. I enjoyed the story. Keep writing your stuff and sharing with us. Good luck to you and best wishes always.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2021
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A nice story. Keep up with the story writing. I enjoyed the story. Keep writing your stuff and sharing with us. Good luck to you and best wishes always.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2021
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Thank you for stopping by to read and comment on my story. Your time and words are greatly appreciated.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
What a sad chapter! Jon loses his life, just as he finally reaches a state of honesty and repentance, but that also means that he will spend eternity with God, instead of in the devil's lair. And Mary has had the opportunity to forgive him, as he gives an important clue to the whereabouts of Annie.
Suggested revisions:
Miguel reached into his jean's pocket ...
-->
Miguel reached into his jeans pocket ...
She cried, "I forgive you, Jon." As Garth led her away ...
-->
She cried, "I forgive you, Jon," as Garth led her away ...
***
This is very well written, Carol.
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2021
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What a sad chapter! Jon loses his life, just as he finally reaches a state of honesty and repentance, but that also means that he will spend eternity with God, instead of in the devil's lair. And Mary has had the opportunity to forgive him, as he gives an important clue to the whereabouts of Annie.
Suggested revisions:
Miguel reached into his jean's pocket ...
-->
Miguel reached into his jeans pocket ...
She cried, "I forgive you, Jon." As Garth led her away ...
-->
She cried, "I forgive you, Jon," as Garth led her away ...
***
This is very well written, Carol.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2021
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Thanks for the awesome review and support. I appreciate your constant help and also the fact you enjoy my story.
Smiles, Carol
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You're very welcome, Carol. I'm happy to help. May God bless you always.
Love, Mary Kay xoxo
Comment from Patty Palmer
This book has been so exciting and jam-packed with suspense. Things are finally fitting into place and it becomes even more exciting. I'm waiting on the next chapter! Great job!!
Patty
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2021
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This book has been so exciting and jam-packed with suspense. Things are finally fitting into place and it becomes even more exciting. I'm waiting on the next chapter! Great job!!
Patty
Comment Written 15-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2021
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How awesome, Patty! I am thrilled that you love the story. I too will miss my characters and their lives. Thanks you for the review and the stars, but most of all for enjoying what I write.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from robyn corum
Carol,
Well, fiddle. I don't know how that happened. Oh, wait. Yes, I do. I was in the middle of reading this chapter when my timer went off and I had to go get my eldest grand from school. I guess I thought I read it? Idk.
Weird, weird. Anyway, I'm glad I was clued in that I hadn't finished it because that was kinda important stuff!!! Great chapter - now, what's next??!!!
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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Carol,
Well, fiddle. I don't know how that happened. Oh, wait. Yes, I do. I was in the middle of reading this chapter when my timer went off and I had to go get my eldest grand from school. I guess I thought I read it? Idk.
Weird, weird. Anyway, I'm glad I was clued in that I hadn't finished it because that was kinda important stuff!!! Great chapter - now, what's next??!!!
Comment Written 14-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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Great! Now you are up to snuff with the story.... a few more actions scenes and sentimental with Liz, Faith, Mary... and finding out what happens with Annie.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from karenina
Wow. You killed Jon off! I did not see that coming....though 20/20 hindsight his getting right with the Lord should have been a tip off!
At least he gave some info on how to find Annie. Sofia huh? Miguel's mother in the thick of things? You clever writer you! I'm breathless! Note to self....do not consume five chapters in a row! This is kickass good!
Karenina
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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Wow. You killed Jon off! I did not see that coming....though 20/20 hindsight his getting right with the Lord should have been a tip off!
At least he gave some info on how to find Annie. Sofia huh? Miguel's mother in the thick of things? You clever writer you! I'm breathless! Note to self....do not consume five chapters in a row! This is kickass good!
Karenina
Comment Written 14-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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You make me so so so happy. I am thrilled that you loved it and were able to read but don't over do it. I would rather have you well than reading my story.
Love you! Carol
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Yikes! I used a cussword! I blame YOU--you got me all in a dither with your writing! --Karenina
Comment from lyenochka
I like how you are giving us the human side of the criminals - Jon and Miguel. If Sofia follows Miguel's orders, she is probably heading to the airport by now. I wonder if they will get to her in time...
Comment:
"Nope, not a word. I was hoping we'd be able to talk to him. He might know where Miguel took the girl." (If this is Mary talking, shouldn't she say "my granddaughter" instead of "the girl" or even just Annie. It sounds too impersonal to refer to her as "the girl." )
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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I like how you are giving us the human side of the criminals - Jon and Miguel. If Sofia follows Miguel's orders, she is probably heading to the airport by now. I wonder if they will get to her in time...
Comment:
"Nope, not a word. I was hoping we'd be able to talk to him. He might know where Miguel took the girl." (If this is Mary talking, shouldn't she say "my granddaughter" instead of "the girl" or even just Annie. It sounds too impersonal to refer to her as "the girl." )
Comment Written 14-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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I believe that was the FBI agent POPPA talking to Garth instead of Mary.... I'll go back and check for sure.
Thanks for the review and for enjoying the story.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Heartrending--to me, a layman, this seemed a realistic depiction of a deathbed scene. How badly were the immigrants burnt? I forgot how the fire was put out and how Miguel got stabbed--got to reread. Are you going to save the poisoned nurse? If so, bear in mind:
Acute toxic inorganic arsenic poisoning has only a fair to poor outcome.
Cyanide death occurs within minutes of ingestion of a lethal dose.
Survivors may suffer Parkinson's disease, ataxia, optic atrophy, and other neurological disorders.
How old is Annie?
(Fix Sabastion=>ian in summary and elsewhere in book by a change all command.)
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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Heartrending--to me, a layman, this seemed a realistic depiction of a deathbed scene. How badly were the immigrants burnt? I forgot how the fire was put out and how Miguel got stabbed--got to reread. Are you going to save the poisoned nurse? If so, bear in mind:
Acute toxic inorganic arsenic poisoning has only a fair to poor outcome.
Cyanide death occurs within minutes of ingestion of a lethal dose.
Survivors may suffer Parkinson's disease, ataxia, optic atrophy, and other neurological disorders.
How old is Annie?
(Fix Sabastion=>ian in summary and elsewhere in book by a change all command.)
Comment Written 14-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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I will have to go back and write in something about the nurse that was poisoned. I imagine she died from the poisoning.
Annie is eight years old. And I will go back when I rewrite and find where I have messed up with the spelling of Sebastian. I guess the software doesn't distinguish on names.
Smiles, Carol
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You should be able to "change all" in one pass per chapter.
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I'll have to figure it out when I start over from the beginning and reread and make sure I have gotten all the corrections. Thanks!
Comment from Wendy G
Father Jon may yet lead them to Annie by his few words. However he has compromised himself in too many other ways for the reader to feel much sympathy for him. They will have to move fast before Sofia disappears too. You keep us on the edge of the chair!
Well written, as are all your chapters.
Wendy
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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Father Jon may yet lead them to Annie by his few words. However he has compromised himself in too many other ways for the reader to feel much sympathy for him. They will have to move fast before Sofia disappears too. You keep us on the edge of the chair!
Well written, as are all your chapters.
Wendy
Comment Written 13-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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Yes he gave enough info to get them on the right track and now they are off to find Sofia. Thank you so much for the kind review.
Smiles, Carol
Comment from royowen
You are one brilliant writer, and I suspect you empathise totally with your characters as if you're living in their human frames. I don't want Jon to be consigned to scribal history, he could be a useful anecdote in Future transcripts. But Mary is likewise a good character, as is Annie, who is indeed very feisty indeed, beautifully written Carol, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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You are one brilliant writer, and I suspect you empathise totally with your characters as if you're living in their human frames. I don't want Jon to be consigned to scribal history, he could be a useful anecdote in Future transcripts. But Mary is likewise a good character, as is Annie, who is indeed very feisty indeed, beautifully written Carol, blessings Roy
Comment Written 13-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2021
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I hadn't planned on Jon's death until I actually was typing and it happened. Crazy, huh? I could always resurrect him as a ghost...Naw! that's not my type of story. LOL
Smiles, Carol
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Bless you