Genius in Love
Viewing comments for Chapter 17 "Genius in Love, Scene 17"In Search of a Soul
32 total reviews
Comment from Dr. Nad
This script is an extremely well written exchange on an elementary school playground in the 50's. As such the scene was very well set by the writer, the authors notes provided all the information that would've been lacking. This was extremely well written and shows a great deal of professional literary understanding. The subject of autism is not exploited but explored in a most natural setting and sequence. The character development is something that was created in previous chapters I assume, but all that was needed was provided. This obviously is not the end of the book but the suspense was building along with a sense of wonderment. Wonderful job. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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This script is an extremely well written exchange on an elementary school playground in the 50's. As such the scene was very well set by the writer, the authors notes provided all the information that would've been lacking. This was extremely well written and shows a great deal of professional literary understanding. The subject of autism is not exploited but explored in a most natural setting and sequence. The character development is something that was created in previous chapters I assume, but all that was needed was provided. This obviously is not the end of the book but the suspense was building along with a sense of wonderment. Wonderful job. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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Thank you, Dr. Nad, for covering all the bases in your kind commentary. I'm glad you enjoyed it. There is only one more scene. I hope you choose to visit it.
Jay
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You are welcome for the review and best of luck for the future of your book.
Comment from Father Flaps
Wow! You surprised me there, Jay. I said to myself... "Jennie's back home? Did I miss a scene?" But as I read along, you tell us what transpired. Jennie's father is dead. I wonder what happened to him? Sudden, but natural cause? Or a suicide? So Jennie is dealing with this, and perhaps that's partly why the tears came so easily. It's a big change in her life. But she does seem to love Cornelius a lot. It's funny the way he corrects her... "Corn-nie". He wants her to call him by the shortened version of his name.
I'm so looking forward to Cornelius' piano debut. All these miserable kids who tease him will have their eyes opened. I think of these pianists or guitarists who set up in a huge mall to perform for shoppers. People gather in wonder as they play. Here's a video of Miguel Montalban, 24th January 2016. He is one of the finest guitarists I've ever seen. And I know Cornie will likewise have the audience eating out of his hand when he plays for the school assembly.
https://youtu.be/CLJHX5yaumA
The big question... what will Cornie play for them??? It's got to be something fine... from pre-1952, of course. I picture him opening up with something classical, and then suddenly changing over to a Boogie-woogie that will really please the audience, and startle Jennie as well the teachers...
https://youtu.be/J9b3ZZywQvg
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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Wow! You surprised me there, Jay. I said to myself... "Jennie's back home? Did I miss a scene?" But as I read along, you tell us what transpired. Jennie's father is dead. I wonder what happened to him? Sudden, but natural cause? Or a suicide? So Jennie is dealing with this, and perhaps that's partly why the tears came so easily. It's a big change in her life. But she does seem to love Cornelius a lot. It's funny the way he corrects her... "Corn-nie". He wants her to call him by the shortened version of his name.
I'm so looking forward to Cornelius' piano debut. All these miserable kids who tease him will have their eyes opened. I think of these pianists or guitarists who set up in a huge mall to perform for shoppers. People gather in wonder as they play. Here's a video of Miguel Montalban, 24th January 2016. He is one of the finest guitarists I've ever seen. And I know Cornie will likewise have the audience eating out of his hand when he plays for the school assembly.
https://youtu.be/CLJHX5yaumA
The big question... what will Cornie play for them??? It's got to be something fine... from pre-1952, of course. I picture him opening up with something classical, and then suddenly changing over to a Boogie-woogie that will really please the audience, and startle Jennie as well the teachers...
https://youtu.be/J9b3ZZywQvg
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 29-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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I had already decided the two selections for the final scene, Kimbob, and wouldn't you know, one was Chopin (one of the Nocturnes) and the other a Boogie Woogie. I tried to get something more relatable to 1952, but I was thinking of early, early R and R. No such animal, especially on piano only. So I chose a nice piece of Boogie Woogie played by a youngster, relatable to Cornelius. I checked out both your links. The Guitar was fantastic. Talk about someone in the ocean of his music!
Thank you, Kimbob, for being with me for the entirety of this play. I hope the last scene ties together some threads and makes for a satisfying ending.
Comment from Bill Schott
Scene 17 has been a big scene for sure. I kind of thought Jennie was toast but now see it's Gary Jax. This tender moment is well orchestrated by Cililla to cement a romantic bond between the two pre-teens. All of the subtle eye movements and hand gestures are very interesting to imagine as I am sure they are painstaking to scribe.
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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Scene 17 has been a big scene for sure. I kind of thought Jennie was toast but now see it's Gary Jax. This tender moment is well orchestrated by Cililla to cement a romantic bond between the two pre-teens. All of the subtle eye movements and hand gestures are very interesting to imagine as I am sure they are painstaking to scribe.
Comment Written 29-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2021
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Bill ... I am really moved by your commentary. Thank you so much. Yes, the stage direction is the hardest part to write. But it's rewarding when dialogue and narrative snap together like right two pieces of a puzzle because they are meant for each other. Again, thanks, and of course for the 6 stars.
Comment from NABattaglia
Jay I sit here trying to find typos or points to make remarks on, but your writing is more instructive to me than looking for help from others! What a writing clinic you put on! Great continuation--you are a master of scripts.
The only question I ask about is I see you used "CORNELIUS'S" which I do not know the correct way to do the s's or s' in writing. Shrunk and White said use s's always. But a lot of other technical writers say never, just us s' and not the other way. I am a beginning writer and learning. Would you care to share your reasoning? I am not challenging you, just really trying to learn. I have always been s', tried to do s's on here and got some strong critiques, so just trying to learn from a master like you. Great work and thank you!
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2021
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Jay I sit here trying to find typos or points to make remarks on, but your writing is more instructive to me than looking for help from others! What a writing clinic you put on! Great continuation--you are a master of scripts.
The only question I ask about is I see you used "CORNELIUS'S" which I do not know the correct way to do the s's or s' in writing. Shrunk and White said use s's always. But a lot of other technical writers say never, just us s' and not the other way. I am a beginning writer and learning. Would you care to share your reasoning? I am not challenging you, just really trying to learn. I have always been s', tried to do s's on here and got some strong critiques, so just trying to learn from a master like you. Great work and thank you!
Comment Written 28-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2021
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Oh, I'm not a master by any stretch of the imagination. I, like you, used to use the s', and I was called on it by someone I respect. I remember looking it up on Google and finding enough authority from one of the grammar sites to change it to s's. And I've stuck with that.
You are very kind in your comments, N.A., and what better way to start out my workday than to be awarded the coveted crossed chartreuse Bandaid at the end of a string of stars. An extra-special thank you for that.
Comment from Jasmine Girl
I enjoy reading these two love birds talking and holding hands which seem to be very realistic with some obvious stuttering. I think they are in love.
In the following sentence, you missed a period in the end.
(Apparently anticipating something in JENNIE'S words, or a look on her face, she bends down toward CORNELIUS)
Why don't you use the following:
she bends down toward CORNELIUS.
"Apparently..." seems to be going inside her head.
Exceptionally done.
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2021
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I enjoy reading these two love birds talking and holding hands which seem to be very realistic with some obvious stuttering. I think they are in love.
In the following sentence, you missed a period in the end.
(Apparently anticipating something in JENNIE'S words, or a look on her face, she bends down toward CORNELIUS)
Why don't you use the following:
she bends down toward CORNELIUS.
"Apparently..." seems to be going inside her head.
Exceptionally done.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 28-Sep-2021
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Thank you, Lisa, for your lovely words and the six stars. I'll take a look at the wording of your suggestion. As far as the period goes, I don't know why, but I haven't been using any end punctuation in parenthetical phrases. If you see one with punctuation, that would be my mistake. Yet, grammatically you are right.
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I will appreciate it if you could review my new scene "Pending Hunger Strike." I like to hear your opinion. Thank you in advance.
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Did I miss one, Lisa? I thought I'd read them all. I went back and checked and sure enough, I read it and left a review. Do you mean you made changes in it based on my review and you want me to re-read it?
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I'm sorry about this . You give me a six stars. How can I forget about it?
Have a good evening.
Comment from Kamrynn June
Dear J.S.,
Okay, first of all, major points for luring me in with 'bagged lunches' and 'tetherball'. Those are two of my favorite things from the '80s, my favorite decade of all time thus far:)
I like this! I would love to read more. Choked me up for a sec. Please clarify in your footnotes about Jennie Jax. There's a bunch of weird characters...?
Great job!
-K
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2021
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Dear J.S.,
Okay, first of all, major points for luring me in with 'bagged lunches' and 'tetherball'. Those are two of my favorite things from the '80s, my favorite decade of all time thus far:)
I like this! I would love to read more. Choked me up for a sec. Please clarify in your footnotes about Jennie Jax. There's a bunch of weird characters...?
Great job!
-K
Comment Written 27-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2021
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Thank you, first of all, for reading. and HUGE thanks for showing you even read the Author Notes that contained the Character list. You picked up on what is FS's major weakness: it's malevolent EditNazi. All it takes is something as innocent as an apostrophe to throw it in a rage so that it tosses in all kinds of symbols like a comic-book swearword. It's been fixed, thank you, my Dear. I do hope you read the last scene in two weeks if you're from the U.S., in a fortnight if you're a Brit, Aussie, or Canadian.
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Haha, fortnight. Looking forward to it:)
-K
Comment from Yardier
Cornelius - Autistic - Centurion - Forrest Gump - Power. He has my attention.
I wonder if, while playing Pomp and Circumstance on graaaad-u-aaashun night, he will have embarrassing difficulty performing, but will blossom with a perfect exquisite heart moving execution of the piano Beethoven style.
Good stuff, looking forward to more.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2021
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Cornelius - Autistic - Centurion - Forrest Gump - Power. He has my attention.
I wonder if, while playing Pomp and Circumstance on graaaad-u-aaashun night, he will have embarrassing difficulty performing, but will blossom with a perfect exquisite heart moving execution of the piano Beethoven style.
Good stuff, looking forward to more.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2021
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You are my kinda guy, Yardier. He's been known to play a bit of Chopin, but follow with some ragtime! But this is a special occasion. I hope you'll like his selections. Check out scene 12 where he plays Chopin's Nocturn # 8 and the Pineapple Rag: https://fanstory.com/displaystory.jsp?id=1029622. (You'll have to pop the link into your browser ... no need to review.)
Thanks for your kind words and the sparkly stars.
Comment from royowen
I guess the thing we must remember is Cornelius won't think what think, or think as we think, without his imaginary friend, who exists in a different place, he would be lost, without her guiding voice. Just love Jennie, she's in a bad place and needs a friend, beautifully written Jay, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2021
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I guess the thing we must remember is Cornelius won't think what think, or think as we think, without his imaginary friend, who exists in a different place, he would be lost, without her guiding voice. Just love Jennie, she's in a bad place and needs a friend, beautifully written Jay, blessings Roy
Comment Written 27-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2021
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Thank you, Roy. I hope you saw, though, that Cornelius is struggling to go beyond Cililla's directions and put his own courageous stamp on things.
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I hope to see that
Comment from robyn corum
Jay,
I still have no idea where you are headed with this whole play - which I love, because so often I can leap forward in my mind ahead of writers. I really enjoy that about you - you are ALWAYS ahead of me.
I also enjoy these characters - they are entire, complete and separate. They are individuals and speak quite differently so that we almost don't even need the name tags. That is also rather awesome and amazing.
The actions and dialogue are wonderful. I know they are not strictly apropos for plays but I enjoy them a lot here.
I think this portion was really enjoyable and can't wait for the next one! Thanks!
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2021
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Jay,
I still have no idea where you are headed with this whole play - which I love, because so often I can leap forward in my mind ahead of writers. I really enjoy that about you - you are ALWAYS ahead of me.
I also enjoy these characters - they are entire, complete and separate. They are individuals and speak quite differently so that we almost don't even need the name tags. That is also rather awesome and amazing.
The actions and dialogue are wonderful. I know they are not strictly apropos for plays but I enjoy them a lot here.
I think this portion was really enjoyable and can't wait for the next one! Thanks!
Comment Written 27-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2021
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Bless you, Robyn, for reading it. I don't know from one scene to the next where it's going either. That's why there are 17 scenes! Hopefully, I'll be able to coral all the loose ends in the next, and final, scene.
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WHAT!!??!
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Weeeeeel, I don't know what the what refers to. The last scene will be in two weeks
Comment from lancellot
A well written chapter. I see you are almost done with your journey and development of Cornelius. The conversational tone between your two kids was very good. I think this play has an audience.
Good work.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2021
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A well written chapter. I see you are almost done with your journey and development of Cornelius. The conversational tone between your two kids was very good. I think this play has an audience.
Good work.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2021
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Thank you Lance. I'm glad you gave it a look.