Secrets in the Wind
Viewing comments for Chapter 58 "Secrets in the Wind - Chap 58"A story of loss, deceit, murder and crime
17 total reviews
Comment from poetichrt88
This story had me interested from the start. I enjoyed reading it. I understood what the story was about. It was long but it kept me on edge. I kept wanting to know what was going to happen next. I enjoyed reading this. It doesn't need work.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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This story had me interested from the start. I enjoyed reading it. I understood what the story was about. It was long but it kept me on edge. I kept wanting to know what was going to happen next. I enjoyed reading this. It doesn't need work.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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Welcome to Fanstory. I see by your profile you are new to FanStory and have not posted any of your writing as of yet. I hope you enjoy the site. I am a bit confused by your rating of three stars which is below average and four stars means it needs adjustments. You mentioned you enjoyed the story, it held your interest and it did not need any work. Thus I don't understand the rating. I thank you for taking the time to read and comment.
Thank you - Carol
Comment from Mary Kay Bonfante
You've got some high-stakes action in this chapter; it doesn't get any hotter than this. I can't believe they just killed Mason! He's the arch-nemesis of at least half the characters in this story.
I found some errors, and offered some suggestions for revisions:
five keys with a paper tag that read "Columbia Security and Storage.
-->
five keys with a paper tag that read "Columbia Security and Storage."
While examining their findings, neither men knew Mason was conscious ...
-->
While examining their findings, neither man knew Mason was conscious ...
Tito loved westerns, but his favorites were ones with Clint Eastwood.
-->
Tito loved Westerns, but his favorites were ones with Clint Eastwood.
knocking him off balance to the floor.
-->
knocking him off-balance to the floor.
Mason stumbled backward, blood spilling from his nose ...
-->
Mason stumbled backward, blood spilling from his nose, ...
Blood gushed from the open wound as he dropped to a sitting position on the floor.
-->
Blood gushed from the open wound, as he dropped to a sitting position on the floor.
His eyes were glassy, and the warm blood soaked his designer shirt ...
-->
His eyes were glassy, and the warm blood soaked his designer shirt, ...
***
Tito is coming out, and Miguel doesn't want the officers or agents to shoot, but what is Tito's intention? Will he surrender, or come out, shooting? I hope Annie stays hidden.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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You've got some high-stakes action in this chapter; it doesn't get any hotter than this. I can't believe they just killed Mason! He's the arch-nemesis of at least half the characters in this story.
I found some errors, and offered some suggestions for revisions:
five keys with a paper tag that read "Columbia Security and Storage.
-->
five keys with a paper tag that read "Columbia Security and Storage."
While examining their findings, neither men knew Mason was conscious ...
-->
While examining their findings, neither man knew Mason was conscious ...
Tito loved westerns, but his favorites were ones with Clint Eastwood.
-->
Tito loved Westerns, but his favorites were ones with Clint Eastwood.
knocking him off balance to the floor.
-->
knocking him off-balance to the floor.
Mason stumbled backward, blood spilling from his nose ...
-->
Mason stumbled backward, blood spilling from his nose, ...
Blood gushed from the open wound as he dropped to a sitting position on the floor.
-->
Blood gushed from the open wound, as he dropped to a sitting position on the floor.
His eyes were glassy, and the warm blood soaked his designer shirt ...
-->
His eyes were glassy, and the warm blood soaked his designer shirt, ...
***
Tito is coming out, and Miguel doesn't want the officers or agents to shoot, but what is Tito's intention? Will he surrender, or come out, shooting? I hope Annie stays hidden.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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Please accept my sincere apologies for this cut-and-paste response, but know that I have read and appreciate your review. I don't want to ignore responses and believe I must thank you for your time and thoughts. Your kindness is deeply appreciated. This morning is the first time in a week that I can call my own and I want to use it to tell everyone thank you.
Today is also my husband's "Heavenly Birthday" so I believe he is sitting with me, urging me to write and be me.
I send you a smile and a hug and a huge thank you. Carol
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You're very welcome, Carol. Please know that I have been thinking of you often, and praying for you and your family with love. I appreciate that you answered all of my reviews, even if most of them are cut and paste.
I'm relieved that you got a few minutes to yourself, so you can sit and think. I will reply to a few of your copied responses, but not to all of them, since they're the same, and it creates more work for you, anyway!
Love always, with blessings, Mary Kay xoxo
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You're very welcome, Carol. Please know that I have been thinking of you often, and praying for you and your family with love. I appreciate that you answered all of my reviews, even if most of them are cut and paste.
I'm relieved that you got a few minutes to yourself, so you can sit and think. I will reply to a few of your copied responses, but not to all of them, since they're the same, and it creates more work for you, anyway!
Love always, with blessings, Mary Kay xoxo
Comment from lancellot
I am still amazed Mason didn't have a gun of his own. That Miguel and Tito didn't kill Mason right off. That Mason did hit Tito or get a Kitchen knife and kill them when they still thought he was asleep. All three of these men are killers.
But, either way, Mason is dead and soon Tito.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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I am still amazed Mason didn't have a gun of his own. That Miguel and Tito didn't kill Mason right off. That Mason did hit Tito or get a Kitchen knife and kill them when they still thought he was asleep. All three of these men are killers.
But, either way, Mason is dead and soon Tito.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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Lance,
Maybe when my head is straight, I will need to revisit this and take into consideration what you have suggested.
Please accept my sincere apologies for this cut-and-paste response, but know that I have read and appreciate your review. I don't want to ignore responses and believe I must thank you for your time and thoughts. Your kindness is deeply appreciated. This morning is the first time in a week that I can call my own and I want to use it to tell everyone thank you.
Today is also my husband's "Heavenly Birthday" so I believe he is sitting with me, urging me to write and be me.
I send you a smile and a hug and a huge thank you. Carol
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I have a feeling Miguel won't allow Tito to kill Annie. It may be last move but he'll protect the child. This was very well written. I felt like I was watching. That's good writing.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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I have a feeling Miguel won't allow Tito to kill Annie. It may be last move but he'll protect the child. This was very well written. I felt like I was watching. That's good writing.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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Barbara,
Please accept my sincere apologies for this cut-and-paste response, but know that I have read and appreciate your review. I don't want to ignore responses and believe I must thank you for your time and thoughts. Your kindness is deeply appreciated. This morning is the first time in a week that I can call my own and I want to use it to tell everyone thank you.
Today is also my husband's "Heavenly Birthday" so I believe he is sitting with me, urging me to write and be me.
I send you a smile and a hug and a huge thank you. Carol
Comment from Ric Myworld
Now you leave me hoping they are smart enough to see Annie before they open fire. But then I think, nothing to worry about, Carol isn't about to let anything happen to the little girl. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter. :-)
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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Now you leave me hoping they are smart enough to see Annie before they open fire. But then I think, nothing to worry about, Carol isn't about to let anything happen to the little girl. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter. :-)
Comment Written 20-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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Ric,
You are the best....And no I could not let a child be hurt. Thanks,
Carol
Comment from Judy Lawless
This one gets the adrenaline flowing for sure, Carol! Poor Annie will be traumatized for life, if she gets out of this alive. At least Mason got what he deserved. Well done.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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This one gets the adrenaline flowing for sure, Carol! Poor Annie will be traumatized for life, if she gets out of this alive. At least Mason got what he deserved. Well done.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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Judy,
Please accept my sincere apologies for this cut-and-paste response, but know that I have read and appreciate your review. I don't want to ignore responses and believe I must thank you for your time and thoughts. Your kindness is deeply appreciated. This morning is the first time in a week that I can call my own and I want to use it to tell everyone thank you.
Today is also my husband's "Heavenly Birthday" so I believe he is sitting with me, urging me to write and be me.
I send you a smile and a hug and a huge thank you. Carol
Comment from karenina
Awwe. Poor Mason got what was coming to him... Can't say I shed a tear! Seems there was a fortune in money and in dirt on the big guys ... All THEIR secrets could well be in the wind soon, and that won't be a good thing. Tense, believable fight scene. I was SURE Annie was going to be rescued here but NO! LIKE THE FINE WRITER YOU ARE...you have us on the edge of our seats!
--Karenina
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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Awwe. Poor Mason got what was coming to him... Can't say I shed a tear! Seems there was a fortune in money and in dirt on the big guys ... All THEIR secrets could well be in the wind soon, and that won't be a good thing. Tense, believable fight scene. I was SURE Annie was going to be rescued here but NO! LIKE THE FINE WRITER YOU ARE...you have us on the edge of our seats!
--Karenina
Comment Written 20-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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Karenina,
You are too good. You actually made me smile for a second. I am flattered!
Hugs, Carol
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Even a glimmer of a smile would make me glad!
Hang in there.
Karenina
Comment from Elizabeth Emerald
Excruciating suspense, as always--is this the penultimate chapter? Spectacular fight scene--graphic depiction of Mason's death--you nailed it! Now rescue Annie.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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Excruciating suspense, as always--is this the penultimate chapter? Spectacular fight scene--graphic depiction of Mason's death--you nailed it! Now rescue Annie.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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My apologies for the short reply. I thank you and appreciate your continued support all the time.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Patty Palmer
Another great chapter to the continuing story. It's exciting and intense. Glad to see that Annie is still alive. I was worried about her. The cops now have Tito and probably Miguel as well. I'll be waiting, as always for the rest of the story.
Patty
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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Another great chapter to the continuing story. It's exciting and intense. Glad to see that Annie is still alive. I was worried about her. The cops now have Tito and probably Miguel as well. I'll be waiting, as always for the rest of the story.
Patty
Comment Written 19-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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Thank you for reading, enjoying and for the review. I apologize for the short cut-and-paste response but it's all I can manage right now. Please know that I care.
Hugs, Carol
Comment from Gert sherwood
Begin Again one thing you know how to keep us readers wanting to keep on reading; and not wondering what is going to happen next.
Which to me is good, because, you always lead us to want read more, of your actions that makes your writing so good.
In other words your story is filled with actions.
Gert
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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Begin Again one thing you know how to keep us readers wanting to keep on reading; and not wondering what is going to happen next.
Which to me is good, because, you always lead us to want read more, of your actions that makes your writing so good.
In other words your story is filled with actions.
Gert
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2021
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My apologies for the short reply. I thank you and appreciate your continued support all the time.
Hugs, Carol