Heart Crafted Poems - 2022
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "Steppingstone's"Musings of an old man - 2022
23 total reviews
Comment from Pearl Edwards
This is a lovely spiritual Cascade poem JLR. Your words made me remember the younger me who never thought she should be sitting idle, but life and maturity teach us along the way to listen to our instincts, our servitor. That's new word I've learnt. Enjoyed, cheers
Valda
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2022
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This is a lovely spiritual Cascade poem JLR. Your words made me remember the younger me who never thought she should be sitting idle, but life and maturity teach us along the way to listen to our instincts, our servitor. That's new word I've learnt. Enjoyed, cheers
Valda
Comment Written 25-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 26-Jan-2022
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Smiling back and sending a my thanks along with the smile.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Good poem. It looks as if you followed the rules of a Cascade. (if I have that right)
Thank you for defining 'servitor'! It's not a word often employed in America.
It's possible that you might have gone a little excessive with commas.
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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Good poem. It looks as if you followed the rules of a Cascade. (if I have that right)
Thank you for defining 'servitor'! It's not a word often employed in America.
It's possible that you might have gone a little excessive with commas.
Comment Written 23-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jan-2022
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Thanks Wayne
Comment from Raul1
This is an interesting poem. It is clear and concise. The sentences flow with clarity. Excellent work! No grammatical errors. I like how you structured this poem. Thank you for sharing!
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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This is an interesting poem. It is clear and concise. The sentences flow with clarity. Excellent work! No grammatical errors. I like how you structured this poem. Thank you for sharing!
Comment Written 21-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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thanks Raul!
Comment from Gert sherwood
Cascade Writing
Steppingstone's
JLR your free verse poem has a lot of meanings. I picked out one that you wrote has meaning----
So, pause, reflect, make time, and then you too shall surely know
Everyone's journey has a beginning and a certain end
As you traverse a life filled with nothing but steppingstones, with your servitors,
Sent as constant companions by the Master, the Chosen One.
I wish you the best in this contest.
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Cascade Writing
Steppingstone's
JLR your free verse poem has a lot of meanings. I picked out one that you wrote has meaning----
So, pause, reflect, make time, and then you too shall surely know
Everyone's journey has a beginning and a certain end
As you traverse a life filled with nothing but steppingstones, with your servitors,
Sent as constant companions by the Master, the Chosen One.
I wish you the best in this contest.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Gert, thank you for the good wishes
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You are so welcome
Gert
Comment from Gee
Very nicely done sir.
This reminds me of one of those rondeau or rondels.
Creative.
I enjoyed your poem and hope to see more of your work.
Thanks for sharing.
Gee
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Very nicely done sir.
This reminds me of one of those rondeau or rondels.
Creative.
I enjoyed your poem and hope to see more of your work.
Thanks for sharing.
Gee
Comment Written 21-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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Gee, thank you for your validation.
Comment from RGstar
I enjoyed the writing JLR. I see the cascading effect, yet, I can't help think a little caught between archaic language, I deem Elizabethan English or Shakespearean English...around 1600 to 1800, witch I love...and modern.
It would be far better in some situations , as the below:
''Should such a soul, make the effort to reflect upon from whence they began''
...in the context of the rest of the text, ''whence'' be replaced with where , in my eyes would seem less tried, more in line with the rest of the work, as the rest is not written in Elizabethan language, so it may seem slightly tried.
Suggestion! ''Should such a soul, make the effort to reflect upon where they began''
Seems so much more natural.
And if I may, a little comma can make all the difference to show separation here below:
''This can result in courses taken where boulders, markedly are strewn.''
Here again, as I tend to use in my poetry...reverse syntax that has much to do with the Elizabethan period of speech; ''markedly are strewn''...instead of; 'are markedly strewn'
So, we are caught between a rock and a hard place. One way to alleviate that, when the rest of the text is not primarily Elizabethan is to use another comma, so the word is emphasized, and can be lifted out, or slot in...example;
Ex1. ''With every step, Free Will is carried, at times like a burden.
This can result in courses taken where boulders, markedly, are strewn.''
or
ex2. With every step, Free Will is carried, at times like a burden.
This can result in courses taken where boulders are markedly strewn.
You see, sounds more natural.
The way to combat this as a question mark is to either make the text more Elizabethan friendly, or normalize the syntax...or even use commas to trough in some archaic sometimes.
Hope you see where I am going, and if a help.
I enjoyed the piece, even so.
Best wishes.
Have a great week.
RG
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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I enjoyed the writing JLR. I see the cascading effect, yet, I can't help think a little caught between archaic language, I deem Elizabethan English or Shakespearean English...around 1600 to 1800, witch I love...and modern.
It would be far better in some situations , as the below:
''Should such a soul, make the effort to reflect upon from whence they began''
...in the context of the rest of the text, ''whence'' be replaced with where , in my eyes would seem less tried, more in line with the rest of the work, as the rest is not written in Elizabethan language, so it may seem slightly tried.
Suggestion! ''Should such a soul, make the effort to reflect upon where they began''
Seems so much more natural.
And if I may, a little comma can make all the difference to show separation here below:
''This can result in courses taken where boulders, markedly are strewn.''
Here again, as I tend to use in my poetry...reverse syntax that has much to do with the Elizabethan period of speech; ''markedly are strewn''...instead of; 'are markedly strewn'
So, we are caught between a rock and a hard place. One way to alleviate that, when the rest of the text is not primarily Elizabethan is to use another comma, so the word is emphasized, and can be lifted out, or slot in...example;
Ex1. ''With every step, Free Will is carried, at times like a burden.
This can result in courses taken where boulders, markedly, are strewn.''
or
ex2. With every step, Free Will is carried, at times like a burden.
This can result in courses taken where boulders are markedly strewn.
You see, sounds more natural.
The way to combat this as a question mark is to either make the text more Elizabethan friendly, or normalize the syntax...or even use commas to trough in some archaic sometimes.
Hope you see where I am going, and if a help.
I enjoyed the piece, even so.
Best wishes.
Have a great week.
RG
Comment Written 21-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 22-Jan-2022
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RG, spot on! Your thorough commentary and suggestions are exactly the wanted feedback to aid me in enhancing and improving my sophomoric writing attempts. I am grateful!
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You are a brilliant writer...hence the joy in seeing your work excel...thank you my friend.
Have a great day.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I enjoyed reading this club entry. As I viewed the artwork you chose, I had to smile because I am positive I would stumble and end up in the river. Then I read your poem, yes our Christian walk is a journey and we often stumble, but God is there to pick up the pieces.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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I enjoyed reading this club entry. As I viewed the artwork you chose, I had to smile because I am positive I would stumble and end up in the river. Then I read your poem, yes our Christian walk is a journey and we often stumble, but God is there to pick up the pieces.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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Thanks for your insight Barbara, I suspect if you were to stumble, you would remain dry as your Master would catch you.
Comment from Judy Lawless
This is a beautiful poem, JLR, a perfect commentary on the necessity of taking time to ponder our lives sometimes, before making rash decisions. Thanks for the reminder. Well done.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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This is a beautiful poem, JLR, a perfect commentary on the necessity of taking time to ponder our lives sometimes, before making rash decisions. Thanks for the reminder. Well done.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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Judy, as always thank you.
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You're welcome, JLR
Comment from karenina
I think perhaps I'd totally botch the cascade form...but once you explained it I reread your poem with a new respect for the fine art of precise refrains within a poem! All that and wisdom too! Great job!
Karenina
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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I think perhaps I'd totally botch the cascade form...but once you explained it I reread your poem with a new respect for the fine art of precise refrains within a poem! All that and wisdom too! Great job!
Karenina
Comment Written 21-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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Thank you for your sharing.
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Sure thing!
Comment from lyenochka
I like the deep theological meditation of your poem and how freely your Cascade poem flows changing in length at will to get your point across. It's always reassuring to remember that God sends us the right companions and guides at the right times.
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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I like the deep theological meditation of your poem and how freely your Cascade poem flows changing in length at will to get your point across. It's always reassuring to remember that God sends us the right companions and guides at the right times.
Comment Written 21-Jan-2022
reply by the author on 21-Jan-2022
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Thank you!