The Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer 12"America's First Female Comic
29 total reviews
Comment from judiverse
The outcome of the trial is quite dramatic. Fanny's poor father was undoubtedly murdered. Thurston's gift of money to Mrs. Albright and her daughter probably has some secret motivation behind it. I can venture a guess as to what it might be but will wait for the next scene. Very powerful characterization of Fanny. I do think you need to give some thought to the length of the play. With just two characters and not much action, it will be a challenge even for a talented actress to pull off. judi
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2022
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The outcome of the trial is quite dramatic. Fanny's poor father was undoubtedly murdered. Thurston's gift of money to Mrs. Albright and her daughter probably has some secret motivation behind it. I can venture a guess as to what it might be but will wait for the next scene. Very powerful characterization of Fanny. I do think you need to give some thought to the length of the play. With just two characters and not much action, it will be a challenge even for a talented actress to pull off. judi
Comment Written 23-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 23-Jun-2022
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About the length, Judy. I totally concur. I've spent too much time using a dialect that is horribly time-consuming and truth be known, loses its effectiveness as soon as its cuteness wears off. I was hoping to finish it off in two more scenes ... but I've found I need one more to tie up the loose ends. I can, of course, go through the entirety of it and conclude there are less loose ends than there need to have been. But that's the problem with creating as you go along with only a vague feeling of where it should end. Judi, unfortunately, I won't be able to give you the reviewer recommendation I'd like for this month. You deserve it, but it will have to carry over until July. Sorry ... and thank you so much for your helpful review.
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You're very welcome. You're still getting fantastic reviews, so the attraction hasn't worn off. I don't think I'd care to do careful plotting out and outlining before I write. Do send this to some theatre department for their comments and possibly get a read-through scheduled. Through the magic of the internet, you wouldn't even have to leave home. judi
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Thank you for the suggestion. As I mentioned before, though, I'd have to do some deep editing before I'd be ready to even try that.
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
Things are really coming together beautifully now. Your play has turned into an extremely satisfying revelation of biased and twisted characters in the shape above all of the judge. Stellar writing. Kate xx
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2022
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Things are really coming together beautifully now. Your play has turned into an extremely satisfying revelation of biased and twisted characters in the shape above all of the judge. Stellar writing. Kate xx
Comment Written 15-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2022
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Thank you Katherine. It's wonderful to know that this play holds some importance to you. You humble me.
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Jay,
Terrific scene! It cleared up a lot of haze. The story becomes a lot clearer. I was a bit scared for a moment there, that Mrs. Albright did actually rip up that $4000 draft in the judge's face, and I could almost picture her turning sideways with that same fixed "rattlesnake stare" to get her point across to the five KKK members just acquitted. But, thank goodness, she kept the money, a benefit to her & Juniper and a way to shed any guilt still clinging to the shoulders of the five free killers... who probably voted against Mr. Barnwarmer's continuation in the service of his church.
Now, concerning Mr. Barnwarmer's death, it's most interesting that he died because his wagon overturned at the only boulder within twenty miles of town along the River Road, where he (supposedly) banged his head and vacated this earth.
I can't help but wonder if the men with hoods weren't at it again, tidying up the last remnants of the case... the disposal of Caleb Barnwarmer.
I knew we were going to get "the rest of the story" sooner or later. It's creeping out, and well worth the wait! Excellent writing and superb story-telling!
Keep up the good work, Jay!
Cheers,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2022
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Hi Jay,
Terrific scene! It cleared up a lot of haze. The story becomes a lot clearer. I was a bit scared for a moment there, that Mrs. Albright did actually rip up that $4000 draft in the judge's face, and I could almost picture her turning sideways with that same fixed "rattlesnake stare" to get her point across to the five KKK members just acquitted. But, thank goodness, she kept the money, a benefit to her & Juniper and a way to shed any guilt still clinging to the shoulders of the five free killers... who probably voted against Mr. Barnwarmer's continuation in the service of his church.
Now, concerning Mr. Barnwarmer's death, it's most interesting that he died because his wagon overturned at the only boulder within twenty miles of town along the River Road, where he (supposedly) banged his head and vacated this earth.
I can't help but wonder if the men with hoods weren't at it again, tidying up the last remnants of the case... the disposal of Caleb Barnwarmer.
I knew we were going to get "the rest of the story" sooner or later. It's creeping out, and well worth the wait! Excellent writing and superb story-telling!
Keep up the good work, Jay!
Cheers,
Kimbob
Comment Written 15-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 15-Jun-2022
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Just about to put this scene to bed. I'm glad I got to read your take on it first, Kimbob! Some answers will not be forthcoming in the play, as in life. Poor Fanny went nearly a half-century without learning how her papa really died. There will be some other answers though, and I hope ... an ending coming fairly soon. I'm wicked weary!
Jay
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You've done a wonderful job with this story, though, Jay. Don't close your eyes until everyone has gone home.
Comment from amahra
Wow, this story is getting better by the chapter. I didn't want to stop reading. Was this a short chapter or was I so involved with the story, it ended too soon. Relax, that was a rhetorical question. :)) I enjoyed this chapter, Jay, and $4,000 back then was a small fortune.
I hope the reporter finishes the interview and prints this story in August. We don't want the September 1929 stock market crash to obsolete the story, which it will surely do.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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Wow, this story is getting better by the chapter. I didn't want to stop reading. Was this a short chapter or was I so involved with the story, it ended too soon. Relax, that was a rhetorical question. :)) I enjoyed this chapter, Jay, and $4,000 back then was a small fortune.
I hope the reporter finishes the interview and prints this story in August. We don't want the September 1929 stock market crash to obsolete the story, which it will surely do.
Comment Written 14-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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I never thought of the crash having that much impact... but it was a world changer. Hey, Amahra, thank you again, and again, and still again, for hanging with me here (not in the lynching sense)!
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Not that much of an impact? Jay, people jumped out of windows for God's sake. LOL!
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Jay,
Another great entry in this absorbing tale. This whole thing is an 'edge-of-seat' tour de force and no mistake. I read through the previous instalments again and it is gripping, even when you know where it's building to.
The pacing is very impressive.
G
An' then he had no one but fambly.- is fambly right here?
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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Hi Jay,
Another great entry in this absorbing tale. This whole thing is an 'edge-of-seat' tour de force and no mistake. I read through the previous instalments again and it is gripping, even when you know where it's building to.
The pacing is very impressive.
G
An' then he had no one but fambly.- is fambly right here?
Comment Written 14-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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First of all, so many thank you's go out to you for all you've done and continue to do. Fambly was intended ... though by no means necessarily right. It's kind of how it's pronounced, but I'm not married to it. Your six stars are welcomed, but not necessary unless they're just growing there in excess, LOL.
Comment from lancellot
Now, I know this is pretty long as it is, but I have suggestion. Instead of having the reporter reading to us what happened in before in court, why not do a flash back scene and act it out? It would break up the two person conversation.
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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Now, I know this is pretty long as it is, but I have suggestion. Instead of having the reporter reading to us what happened in before in court, why not do a flash back scene and act it out? It would break up the two person conversation.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 14-Jun-2022
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That's some very good advice, Lance. It is! And I know why you are saying that: You don't like the two-person or even three-person dialogue format. IF I ever did go back and reconfigure the play there is so much I would do differently. So very much! But for this audience, the trial is over. My only intention now is to tie up some loose ends and yank down the final effin' curtain. Perhaps three more scenes. Believe me, Buddy, I honor, and in my secret places, accept much that you've been critical of. Thank you for continuing to read something you've felt to be impalatable.
Jay
Comment from Annmuma
And so the saga continues -- can't wait for those better uses. Your characters continue to grow and become more fully defined with every chapter. As always, well done! ann
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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And so the saga continues -- can't wait for those better uses. Your characters continue to grow and become more fully defined with every chapter. As always, well done! ann
Comment Written 13-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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Thank you, Ann. I appreciate you weighing in, more than you know!
Comment from Gert sherwood
Judge Weitherton's Bizarre Final Decision
Jay,
This chapter in your book The Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer
Smiles I wonder with all the money floating around what and who will net all the and put it into their private account
I take it we will see of the five gentlemen or the person who needs it the most.
Gert
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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Judge Weitherton's Bizarre Final Decision
Jay,
This chapter in your book The Incomparable Fanny Barnwarmer
Smiles I wonder with all the money floating around what and who will net all the and put it into their private account
I take it we will see of the five gentlemen or the person who needs it the most.
Gert
Comment Written 13-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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Bless you, thrice, for the six lovely stars, Gert. Yeah, that's a tidy sum from back in those days.
Comment from Iza Deleanu
Hm, buy my rage with money, burry my silence using the future of my child, this is what I read between the lines:). Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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Hm, buy my rage with money, burry my silence using the future of my child, this is what I read between the lines:). Thank you for sharing and good luck with your writings.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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That is one interpretation, to be sure. It's what the judge hoped would soothe her rage. Thanks again for reading!
Comment from lyenochka
Our young reporter is right to be appalled at money being the solution instead of justice, although in those days, even that kind of compensation would have been unheard of because of the racial bias of those times.
Poor Fanny also had to lose her father, who was obviously murdered. Her life and Juniper's were closely knitted for many reasons.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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Our young reporter is right to be appalled at money being the solution instead of justice, although in those days, even that kind of compensation would have been unheard of because of the racial bias of those times.
Poor Fanny also had to lose her father, who was obviously murdered. Her life and Juniper's were closely knitted for many reasons.
Comment Written 13-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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And their lives were even more so closely knitted ... as you'll see next time.