Comment from kahpot

Excellent

Beautifully written and presented, I think being alone during this season is a wonderful thing, I had to smile while reading your notes about the crane and its noises, snoring an excellent tanka****kahpot

 Comment Written 23-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 24-Jan-2023

Thank you very much, Kym. I appreciate that you took the time to review my poem.

Gypsy hugs

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

You painted a magical picture here of the crane and its long legs among the tall reeds looking or love like a graceful lost lover, much enjoyed, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 23-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 24-Jan-2023

Thank you very much, Dolly. I appreciate that you took the time to review my poem. Love.

Gypsy hugs

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Excellent

I enjoy watching crane while on the Gulf Coast. I had to laugh because Harley normally barks at everything, but for some reason he didn't bark at the cranes or the dolphins. I have a feeling he was too scared to bark. LOL Once again you pleasured your readers with this wonderful post, from the poem to artwork, to the colored font.

 Comment Written 23-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023

Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback.

Gypsy hugs

Comment from Mrs. KT

Excellent

I love the emotive quality of your modern tanka, Gypsy.
I, too, feel as if I am waiting for the crane's mate to arrive.
Is there not a sartori in a modern tanka - juxtaposing the first part of the tanka with the last part? Just an observation - not a criticism.
Your presentation is beautiful...

Thank you for sharing!
diane

 Comment Written 23-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023

This is a modern Haiku not as structure as some are. If you check the tanka association of America you'll see many examples of tanka like mine and evenless structured. click here for the tanka association of America = click here to read modern tanka of Japan

I have the main parts of a tanka... 5 lines, 31 syllables or less, a juxtaposition from the reeds to the crane, and a satori in le last line where crane and woman share the longing of a mate.

relentless feather reeds
flourish in wet marsh mire

where a breeding crane
moans a lonesome yearning song ?

I wait for my mate with her

Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback.

Gypsy hugs

reply by Mrs. KT on 23-Jan-2023

It?s just beautiful, Gypsy.
I love learning new approaches to the Tanka.
My apologies if I offended?

diane

reply by the author on 25-Jan-2023

Not at all, you didn't offend me. I write intuitive most of the time. You made me think about the classic form.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

Not only is this a fabulous poem but it's a lesson in alliteration Gypsy. I've always been and admirer of your short form poetry, and indeed some free verse too, well done, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 23-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023

Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback.

Gypsy hugs

reply by royowen on 24-Jan-2023

Most welcome

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

I didn't know that the cranes were solitary while breeding. So the last line has "I wait for my love with her " means it's the mother crane waiting for the husband and the "her" is her baby? I wasn't sure since pronouns could mean multiple things,
Thanks for the great picture and information!

 Comment Written 22-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023

I changed the ending to clarify. A woman observer is waiting with the crane and sharing the longing for their mates.

Thank you very much, Big Sister. I appreciate your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback. Love you.

Marival

Comment from AP Apgar

Excellent

I like your modern tanka- nice picture presentation- excellent flow - story has continuity- the plight of such birds - accompanied by sounds humans can relate to- had to reread the ending- I wait for my love with her ...my love (,) with her ? good job!AP

 Comment Written 22-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023

I rewrote the last line to clarify and added a note.

Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback.

Gypsy hugs

Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)

Excellent

I find cranes fascinating birds. They separate from their friends to woo and seduce in private. I found your poem fascinating for the way you used cross-line alliteration as a tool to bind the structure closely. Intruiging. kay

 Comment Written 22-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023

Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback.

Gypsy hugs

Comment from Tom Horonzy

Excellent

I grant you have stick-to-itiveness. So many forms of Japanese writing and still you put out multiple contests and entries daily. I like this artwork and agreeable posting. .....................

 Comment Written 22-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 23-Jan-2023

Thank you very much for your time, kind review, and helpfull feedback.

Gypsy hugs

Comment from CrystieCookie999

Excellent

This is a jam-packed modern tanka. I liked how you had a word that evoked a feeling in almost every line, like 'relentless,' 'lonesome,' and 'yearning.' That waiting game is definitely hard to keep playing without company. The speaker in the poem is waiting with the wetland crane with the same goal in mind. Nice share.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 22-Jan-2023

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reply by the author on 22-Jan-2023

Thank you very much. I appreciate your kind words and the excellent five stars review!

Gypsy hugs