The Piper
Viewing comments for Chapter 43 "The Piper, part 43"Young Adult Fantasy
11 total reviews
Comment from Kohan Killetz
I'm hoping I don't appear excessively harsh. I didn't read the entire book to know how this chapter fits into the context of the larger narrative. Perhaps in context I might like it better. However, I will speak on this piece as a stand-alone work. It is not mandatory for a chapter to be filled with conflict or tension for a work to capture the attention of a reader. Yet it must have some manner of interest to make the reader savor each word. Depth, contradiction, ambiguity, emotional weight. The chief sin I find in this work is that it's lacking in flavor. Like a sugar flavored icecream, one may say. I find it cloying, simple, and shallow. Perhaps it is a matter of taste. Many things are done well. Characterization is there. It's clear from the manner of speech that Jasmine is a fairy, even if you had not stated it. The scene is set beautifully and creatively. The scene is very visual. It's not difficult to imagine this fae world of winter blooming fruits. Perhaps those two stylistic factors contributed strongly to the higher rating. Yet I find the chapter wanting in substance. What beauty is there in Eden without apprehension of the fall, and the deception of the serpent?
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2023
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I'm hoping I don't appear excessively harsh. I didn't read the entire book to know how this chapter fits into the context of the larger narrative. Perhaps in context I might like it better. However, I will speak on this piece as a stand-alone work. It is not mandatory for a chapter to be filled with conflict or tension for a work to capture the attention of a reader. Yet it must have some manner of interest to make the reader savor each word. Depth, contradiction, ambiguity, emotional weight. The chief sin I find in this work is that it's lacking in flavor. Like a sugar flavored icecream, one may say. I find it cloying, simple, and shallow. Perhaps it is a matter of taste. Many things are done well. Characterization is there. It's clear from the manner of speech that Jasmine is a fairy, even if you had not stated it. The scene is set beautifully and creatively. The scene is very visual. It's not difficult to imagine this fae world of winter blooming fruits. Perhaps those two stylistic factors contributed strongly to the higher rating. Yet I find the chapter wanting in substance. What beauty is there in Eden without apprehension of the fall, and the deception of the serpent?
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 04-Mar-2023
reply by the author on 04-Mar-2023
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Thank you.
I see you are new. Welcome.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Thank you for sharing this post with us. I missed the beginning but I see from your author's notes it was a while back. I am glad I caught this one. This is very well written. I don't see any way to improve it.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Thank you for sharing this post with us. I missed the beginning but I see from your author's notes it was a while back. I am glad I caught this one. This is very well written. I don't see any way to improve it.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Thank you for the excellent review. I appreciate you taking the time to read and give your insights.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Sounds like Piper is having some intellection wrangling about his own free will. good instalment and some additional information and backstory.
She tensed to attention,- this is odd phrasing. One normally snaps to attention or suchlike, tensed feels awkward.
In this instalment you use the signifier for a scene change but in previous ones not.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Hi there,
Sounds like Piper is having some intellection wrangling about his own free will. good instalment and some additional information and backstory.
She tensed to attention,- this is odd phrasing. One normally snaps to attention or suchlike, tensed feels awkward.
In this instalment you use the signifier for a scene change but in previous ones not.
All the best
G
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Hi G,
Thanks for the heads up on the verbiage. I'll work on it. Not sure I like "snap to attention". It sounds military to me, but I'll re-do the phrase though. Might just end up being snap--LOL.
Again, thanks for the encouragement and for going back to read previous chapters. I appreciate it!
Debi
Comment from CrystieCookie999
Piper with the enchanted flute seems to think his talent is predisposed to develop a certain way, not under his control. He seems to second-guess everything that happens around him. This reminds me how many young people really...don't...want...to practice a musical instrument.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Piper with the enchanted flute seems to think his talent is predisposed to develop a certain way, not under his control. He seems to second-guess everything that happens around him. This reminds me how many young people really...don't...want...to practice a musical instrument.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Hi CrystieCookie999,
I am happy you caught the indecision of youth and second-guessing everything. Thank you for the excellent review and your insightful remarks.
Deb
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Great artwork, good introductory overview, and comprehensive notes.
-The shout out for our encouragement is also appreciated.
-You haven't missed a beat, debi. The story flows as smooth as the music from Piper's flute.
-I liked the introduction with Sheba as she introduces the main theme of music, Master Braun, and "the aroma of music."
-I was concerned at first that Piper's flute might have been damaged, but it seemed to be okay, and even had an extra enchanting feature that Piper had not been aware of. Of course, this had to be disconcerting, and doubts would arise as he thought about getting out of the faerie realm.
-You did a good job with Jasmine, although she was a bit enthusiastic,
and Piper didn't know what to make of her.
-I like how you bring in some of the previous characters briefly, like Burkehart and a few others.
-You leave us wondering if Piper should let Jasmine be the guardian of the flute and feeling like he had no choice.
-Very well done. It is good to have you and Piper back!!
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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-Great artwork, good introductory overview, and comprehensive notes.
-The shout out for our encouragement is also appreciated.
-You haven't missed a beat, debi. The story flows as smooth as the music from Piper's flute.
-I liked the introduction with Sheba as she introduces the main theme of music, Master Braun, and "the aroma of music."
-I was concerned at first that Piper's flute might have been damaged, but it seemed to be okay, and even had an extra enchanting feature that Piper had not been aware of. Of course, this had to be disconcerting, and doubts would arise as he thought about getting out of the faerie realm.
-You did a good job with Jasmine, although she was a bit enthusiastic,
and Piper didn't know what to make of her.
-I like how you bring in some of the previous characters briefly, like Burkehart and a few others.
-You leave us wondering if Piper should let Jasmine be the guardian of the flute and feeling like he had no choice.
-Very well done. It is good to have you and Piper back!!
Comment Written 05-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Hi Pam,
Thank you for the exceptional review and the detailed comments. I appreciate the six stars.
Thank you for mentioning the artwork. Most of the previous artwork had disappeared from early chapters. FanArt has changed a bit. I was sad to see Angleheart had passed as I used a lot of her artwork.
I'm glad you liked the notes
You deserved the shout out!
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You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, debi. What kind of artwork did you want? I'll try to look at your other chapters. I am sorry to hear about Angelheart. I don't use FanArt, but I see certain names always showing up.
Comment from karenina
Well, Good gravy Marie! How was I not on this wonderful journey from the outset!? I'm mesmerized and will bookcase this so as to use it to backtrack, oh, some 42 chapters...
I'll have to pencil in a W.J. DEBI day here pretty soon! You reviewed something of mine, I found something older of yours, and Helen let me know you'd just posted this chapter...and as we ALL know, Helen is also a magical fairy so...
I'm in! I'm a fan! Sign me up, give me my button, and provide the secret code word for entry...
This is an amazing read, my new-ish friend!
Karenina
Woo hoo!
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Well, Good gravy Marie! How was I not on this wonderful journey from the outset!? I'm mesmerized and will bookcase this so as to use it to backtrack, oh, some 42 chapters...
I'll have to pencil in a W.J. DEBI day here pretty soon! You reviewed something of mine, I found something older of yours, and Helen let me know you'd just posted this chapter...and as we ALL know, Helen is also a magical fairy so...
I'm in! I'm a fan! Sign me up, give me my button, and provide the secret code word for entry...
This is an amazing read, my new-ish friend!
Karenina
Woo hoo!
Comment Written 05-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Hi Karenina,
Wow! Thank you for the enthusiastic review. I appreciate the six stars and the great comments.
Thank you for becoming a fan and for the fantastic gift of 5 certificates to keep Piper in the top 10.
I agree, Helen is magic.
Thank you so much for brightening my day!
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Also, I put a Book Balloon certificate on the book so it pays a little if you do go back and review in the next 10 days.
No hurry, though, just letting you know.
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I will definitely get to some of the chapters in the next two days! Promise!
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Smiles. I love promoting others' great work!
Comment from lyenochka
I guess Piper doesn't have a choice! The flute agreed to Jasmine's request for him. I like how you show Piper's wariness. But I would think he would be more comfortable in the fairy realm with his real parentage. I guess growing up in the mortal realm has caused him to be cautious and self-doubting. I guess we will know more about Sheba's story soon. Loved the swimming scene!
Typo in your prelude:
He'd cried when his parents died. He'd creied (cried)
Comment:
"I remember his objections too." (comma before "too")
Vibrations went up His arms (his)
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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I guess Piper doesn't have a choice! The flute agreed to Jasmine's request for him. I like how you show Piper's wariness. But I would think he would be more comfortable in the fairy realm with his real parentage. I guess growing up in the mortal realm has caused him to be cautious and self-doubting. I guess we will know more about Sheba's story soon. Loved the swimming scene!
Typo in your prelude:
He'd cried when his parents died. He'd creied (cried)
Comment:
"I remember his objections too." (comma before "too")
Vibrations went up His arms (his)
Comment Written 05-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Hi Helen,
Thank you for the wonderful review and for the six stars!
Piper loved his human parents so he is still just a bit hesitant to believe he isn't human at all. In his timeframe, he's only known about his elemental parentage for a few days so he's still adjusting to the concept.
Ah, now Sheba...LOL
I appreciate you catching the SPAG
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
I missed your earlier chapters of your book, so to start with I will be reading the latest as as 'in medias res' short stories. This one was very successful, as it introduced Piper's arrival in the new world. I very much liked the idea that once you are drawn into this you can never leave, and look forward to learning how the entrapment works. kay
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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I missed your earlier chapters of your book, so to start with I will be reading the latest as as 'in medias res' short stories. This one was very successful, as it introduced Piper's arrival in the new world. I very much liked the idea that once you are drawn into this you can never leave, and look forward to learning how the entrapment works. kay
Comment Written 05-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Hi Kay,
Thank you for taking the time to read and review this installment. I appreciate the detailed comments and the encouragement. I especially like that you are intrigued by the idea of the entrapment in the faerie realm.
Debi
Comment from Frank Malley
This engrossing chapter about a young musician in a magical world is full of great descriptions of movement and music. A group of characters is developed and whets the reader's appetite for more information and 'what's next' events. There's a sparkling positive emotion present throughout the dialogue that makes this excerpt feel good to read, and our visual imaginations are continually trigger by descriptions and great choices of verbs. Plus - thanks for the Einstein quote.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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This engrossing chapter about a young musician in a magical world is full of great descriptions of movement and music. A group of characters is developed and whets the reader's appetite for more information and 'what's next' events. There's a sparkling positive emotion present throughout the dialogue that makes this excerpt feel good to read, and our visual imaginations are continually trigger by descriptions and great choices of verbs. Plus - thanks for the Einstein quote.
Comment Written 05-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2023
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Hi Frank Malley,
Thank you for the exceptional review. The six stars are appreciated. I appreciate the detailed comments. It is encouraging to hear that liked the 'what's next' events. I appreciate the comment about the verbs.
I'm glad you liked the Einstein quote. I love fairy tales.
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Be well, w.j.debi
Comment from rspoet
Hello Debi,
Wonderful to see you back on the site, and not only back, but with a magical, musical chapter in the story of Piper. It seems Piper has much to learn about the faerie world and his place in it. It appears Jasmine will be his protector and instructor.
I've always thought of music as a magical talent, one a person is born with, but which also needs encouragement and training. I like the idea that the flute itself has life, albeit faerie life.
Recounting some elements of the story is a good way bring readers up to date, and let new readers enjoy the tale as well.
Of course, if my memory serve me well, I believe Captain Burkehart is lurking just off the edge of this world.
Well done.
Great to have Piper's story back.
Best wishes.
Robert
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Hello Debi,
Wonderful to see you back on the site, and not only back, but with a magical, musical chapter in the story of Piper. It seems Piper has much to learn about the faerie world and his place in it. It appears Jasmine will be his protector and instructor.
I've always thought of music as a magical talent, one a person is born with, but which also needs encouragement and training. I like the idea that the flute itself has life, albeit faerie life.
Recounting some elements of the story is a good way bring readers up to date, and let new readers enjoy the tale as well.
Of course, if my memory serve me well, I believe Captain Burkehart is lurking just off the edge of this world.
Well done.
Great to have Piper's story back.
Best wishes.
Robert
Comment Written 05-Feb-2023
reply by the author on 05-Feb-2023
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Hi Robert,
Thank you for the welcoming comments and the wonderful six star review for Piper. I appreciate your comments about music and about the flute.
You are so right about Captain Burkehart; he is lurking in the shadows and will be returning soon.
Thank you so much for continuing to support this story. I appreciate you being with it from the beginning and every chapter that has posted.