Thirty (hopefully) Poems for April
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "A Gentle Spin"A loose attempt at NaPoWriMo 2023
8 total reviews
Comment from Father Flaps
Hi Debra,
Stay with it, my dear. NaPoWriMo is way too much for me, but I know you can do it.
I always enjoy a triolet. Your repetition is perfect. It captures the theme of the poem, that you were off for some fun in the mud. Over here, a lot of people take out their All Terrain Vehicles (ATVs), and drudge through the sludge in the woods. They make an awful mess of the trails out there. That's the only thing. Once, many years ago, we were returning home after a fishing weekend at Big Indian Lake. The woods road from the lake was straight uphill for almost a mile, and we came upon these 4 fellows who were using a winch, from tree to tree, slowly getting there 4-wheeler through heavy duty mud. They would have been at it all day. I felt sorry for them, but they were loving every minute. I guess big kids like the mud as well as little kids! I think getting stuck is half their fun!
Nicely penned!
Hugs,
Kimbob
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2023
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Hi Debra,
Stay with it, my dear. NaPoWriMo is way too much for me, but I know you can do it.
I always enjoy a triolet. Your repetition is perfect. It captures the theme of the poem, that you were off for some fun in the mud. Over here, a lot of people take out their All Terrain Vehicles (ATVs), and drudge through the sludge in the woods. They make an awful mess of the trails out there. That's the only thing. Once, many years ago, we were returning home after a fishing weekend at Big Indian Lake. The woods road from the lake was straight uphill for almost a mile, and we came upon these 4 fellows who were using a winch, from tree to tree, slowly getting there 4-wheeler through heavy duty mud. They would have been at it all day. I felt sorry for them, but they were loving every minute. I guess big kids like the mud as well as little kids! I think getting stuck is half their fun!
Nicely penned!
Hugs,
Kimbob
Comment Written 10-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2023
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Hi Kimbob :)
Hope you're keeping well.
Thanks so much for your kind and encouraging feedback.
I'm doing my best, but the lack of available time is proving a bit of an obstacle!!
Take care, look forward to reading you soon,
Love, Debra x
Comment from patcelaw
One of the last times I rode a two wheel bike. I was riding on a street and the wheels got caught in a rut in the street and I went down so I decided it was time to give up bike riding for me. Patricia.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2023
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One of the last times I rode a two wheel bike. I was riding on a street and the wheels got caught in a rut in the street and I went down so I decided it was time to give up bike riding for me. Patricia.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much for reading and for sharing your little mishap with me, Patricia :)
Best wishes, Debra
Comment from Gloria ....
Wow, that is quite the road to be riding a bike on, mountain or not. That's going to be some washboard by the time it dries.
This is a very well done triolet and glad to know you are doing well. :))
Gloria
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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Wow, that is quite the road to be riding a bike on, mountain or not. That's going to be some washboard by the time it dries.
This is a very well done triolet and glad to know you are doing well. :))
Gloria
Comment Written 06-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much, Gloria :) It was the first time out on the mountain bike in a couple of years... Funnily enough, I did enjoy it, despite the brown, sticky stuff!
Best wishes as always, Debra x
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
Well what should've been a fun outing turned into a
possible disaster, Debra. I'm happy you weren't hurt.
You did a great job with your triolet. Your words were
well thought out and told a story of the event. You
adhered to the requirements of the style.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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Well what should've been a fun outing turned into a
possible disaster, Debra. I'm happy you weren't hurt.
You did a great job with your triolet. Your words were
well thought out and told a story of the event. You
adhered to the requirements of the style.
Thanks for sharing, Jan
Comment Written 06-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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Thank you so much for your lovely feedback, Jan :)
Best wishes as always, Debra
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Good image and nice presentation, Debra.
-Thanks for the notes, and sorry you fell in the mud!
-You wrote a good Triolet with effective imagery and rhyme,
as well as repeating lines that create a vivid word picture of the scene.
-I like the image, "entrapped my wheels."
-Too bad the gentle spin wasn't so gentle.
-Well done!
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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-Good image and nice presentation, Debra.
-Thanks for the notes, and sorry you fell in the mud!
-You wrote a good Triolet with effective imagery and rhyme,
as well as repeating lines that create a vivid word picture of the scene.
-I like the image, "entrapped my wheels."
-Too bad the gentle spin wasn't so gentle.
-Well done!
Comment Written 06-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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Hi Pam :)
Thank you so much for your feedback. I always appreciate it, especially when you let me know about parts that need attention - What a massive omission! - All lines present and (hopefully) correct now! I didn't alter the last 2 lines as my triolet is modified, so all the repeat lines are slightly tweaked :)
Thanks again, best wishes, Debra x
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You are welcome, Debra. Triolets are the first form I tried after joining FS and reviewing a lot of them. I went on to write a lot of them, and often I would think in "Triolet!"
Comment from Bill Schott
This triolet, A Gentle Spin, has the proper formatting and takes the readers on a fun trail ride with the two-wheeler and lots of welcoming mud to take back home. Nice.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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This triolet, A Gentle Spin, has the proper formatting and takes the readers on a fun trail ride with the two-wheeler and lots of welcoming mud to take back home. Nice.
Comment Written 06-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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Thank you for your feedback, Bill :)
Best wishes, Debra
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Oh my goodness I could just imagine what happened in this mud and it isn't a pretty sight in all that mud, at least it was a soft landing. A fun, well rhymed poem much enjoyed Debra, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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Oh my goodness I could just imagine what happened in this mud and it isn't a pretty sight in all that mud, at least it was a soft landing. A fun, well rhymed poem much enjoyed Debra, love Dolly x
Comment Written 06-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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Thank you Dolly for your feedback :)
Much appreciated as always,
Best wishes, Debra x
Comment from lyenochka
Good job with your triolet. That form is hard to do because of the many repetitions but it works with your poem of resolved attitude to get back to biking despite the mud!
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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Good job with your triolet. That form is hard to do because of the many repetitions but it works with your poem of resolved attitude to get back to biking despite the mud!
Comment Written 06-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2023
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Thanks so much, Helen :)
Best wishes as always, Debra x