The Piper
Viewing comments for Chapter 46 "The Piper, part 46"Young Adult Fantasy
12 total reviews
Comment from Faith Williams
That was an interesting and well-written chapter, Debi. Revenge? Is the reason for the desire explained in previous chapters or is that part of the upcoming story?
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2023
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That was an interesting and well-written chapter, Debi. Revenge? Is the reason for the desire explained in previous chapters or is that part of the upcoming story?
Comment Written 20-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2023
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Hi Faith Williams,
thank you for the encouraging comment about the writing. The reason for the revenge is coming in the next chapter. Thank you for asking.
Debi
Comment from eborchert
An interesting chapter which seemed to flow well from beginning to end. I did find it odd there was a flute playing nearby and the Captain didn't notice it until Piper mentioned it. The non-traditional text makes it hard to tell when things are in italics to represent thoughts, but it can be deciphered well enough. I also thought it was odd he said his parents died of fever. I would have expected plague or some such, fever is more of a symptom. Good outline of the story below and synopsis, thank you for that. Good luck in your future writing!
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2023
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An interesting chapter which seemed to flow well from beginning to end. I did find it odd there was a flute playing nearby and the Captain didn't notice it until Piper mentioned it. The non-traditional text makes it hard to tell when things are in italics to represent thoughts, but it can be deciphered well enough. I also thought it was odd he said his parents died of fever. I would have expected plague or some such, fever is more of a symptom. Good outline of the story below and synopsis, thank you for that. Good luck in your future writing!
Comment Written 19-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2023
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Hi eborchert,
Thank you for the excellent review and taking the time to note what made sense and what didn't.
Thank you for mentioning the font. I don't like the default font. Without serifs, it is hard to tell a capital 'i' from a lower case 'L', so I have been playing with fonts. I changed it to Times New Roman for now.
Also, thanks for mentioning the flute. The captain was very aware of the flute in the previous chapter, but good catch. In this chapter it would be good to mention the noise it is making a little earlier to remind the reader about its presence. So, I will be slipping in a sentence or two about the flute due to your comments.
This story is set in the 1200's so I couldn't use the word 'plague' although I had orginally considered it. The plague didn't appear until 1347. Some common diseases in the 1200s are dysentery, malaria, diphtheria, flu, typhoid, smallpox and leprosy. Flu is a modern term which didn't appear until the mid-1300s. "The fever" could refer to the flu since flu or influenza was not yet termed that. Flu was sometimes called grippe, but I thought that word would just be confusing to readers since grippe refers to something else nowadays.
Note: I found it interesting that in the 1200's the average age of death was 62. After the plague in the mid 1300s, the average age of death dropped to 44.
Probably more that you wanted to know. Again, thank you for the great review.
Debi
Comment from Pam (respa)
-You didn't disappoint with this chapteSur, Debi.
-You kept the tension going very well.
-I was never sure if Burkehart was on Piper's side or not,
but this chapter definitely confirms his position.
-Piper has gone through so much and seems downcast
and saddened by the strangeness of his flute. He
probably doesn't know what to think, or who to trust.
-He has been pulled from both sides for quite some time,
but Summerstorm's timing was perfect.
-No matter how many times Burkehart persuaded Piper
to drink the tea, he didn't.
-Now we need to find out why Burkehart was seeking revenge!!
-Another great chapter, my friend.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2023
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-You didn't disappoint with this chapteSur, Debi.
-You kept the tension going very well.
-I was never sure if Burkehart was on Piper's side or not,
but this chapter definitely confirms his position.
-Piper has gone through so much and seems downcast
and saddened by the strangeness of his flute. He
probably doesn't know what to think, or who to trust.
-He has been pulled from both sides for quite some time,
but Summerstorm's timing was perfect.
-No matter how many times Burkehart persuaded Piper
to drink the tea, he didn't.
-Now we need to find out why Burkehart was seeking revenge!!
-Another great chapter, my friend.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2023
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Hi Pam,
Thank you for such an encouraging review. I appreciate the analysis of Piper and Burkehart, and about the tension. Thank you so much for the generous six stars.
Debi
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You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, Debi. A really good chapter!
Comment from royowen
So Burkhart genuinely had ulterior motives for being there, it was revenge, for what? And with whom? Both would be answered next time, if Summerstorm is unarmed, what Dan safe him and the boy? I suspect there's something up his sleeve, beautifully written, blessings Roy
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2023
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So Burkhart genuinely had ulterior motives for being there, it was revenge, for what? And with whom? Both would be answered next time, if Summerstorm is unarmed, what Dan safe him and the boy? I suspect there's something up his sleeve, beautifully written, blessings Roy
Comment Written 18-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2023
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Hi Roy,
I love the questions you ask. Thank you for a great review. I appreciate you continuing to follow the story.
Debi
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Well done
Comment from rspoet
Hello Debi,
Another marvelous chapter in the story of Piper. While we know (or least suspect) Captain Burkehart is the villain, you've managed to put just a touch of doubt in the reader's mind, at least until now.
Excellent extension of the scene with the elfbane tea. Younger readers will be pleading, "Don't drink it Piper!"
Though it was long ago, I recall a meeting between the Captain and Summerstorm in Castle Welf that suggested a past history between the two.
It appears that history will now play out in the present.
Revenge is a strong motivating emotion.
Well done.
Best wishes.
Robert
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2023
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Hello Debi,
Another marvelous chapter in the story of Piper. While we know (or least suspect) Captain Burkehart is the villain, you've managed to put just a touch of doubt in the reader's mind, at least until now.
Excellent extension of the scene with the elfbane tea. Younger readers will be pleading, "Don't drink it Piper!"
Though it was long ago, I recall a meeting between the Captain and Summerstorm in Castle Welf that suggested a past history between the two.
It appears that history will now play out in the present.
Revenge is a strong motivating emotion.
Well done.
Best wishes.
Robert
Comment Written 18-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2023
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Hi Robert,
Thank you for this exceptional review and the gorgeous six stars. Great memory. Yes, the Captain and Summerstorm do have history and it will soon play out.
Thank you for the best wishes. I appreciate the support.
Debi
Comment from Spitfire
A great cliffhanger at the end. You've created a fascinating world of elves and fairies, etc.
Nice touch about elves and pointy ears. Burkhart comes across as an evil adversary who will stop at nothing.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2023
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A great cliffhanger at the end. You've created a fascinating world of elves and fairies, etc.
Nice touch about elves and pointy ears. Burkhart comes across as an evil adversary who will stop at nothing.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2023
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Hi Shari,
Thank you for the six stars and the encouraging comments. You are so right about Burkehart. Thank you for reading and reviewing.
Debi
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
This is an interesting encounter. The Captain apparently hates the elven people and rather likes Piper. But when Piper's father shows up and spills the poisoned tea, the Captain learns Piper is really part elven. You ended at a good cliffhanger as we wonder if the Captain will take his revenge on Piper.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2023
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This is an interesting encounter. The Captain apparently hates the elven people and rather likes Piper. But when Piper's father shows up and spills the poisoned tea, the Captain learns Piper is really part elven. You ended at a good cliffhanger as we wonder if the Captain will take his revenge on Piper.
Comment Written 18-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2023
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Hi Carol Hillebrenner,
Thank you for the encouraging comments and analysis of the chapter. I apprecitate you stopping by to read and review.
Debi
Comment from Katherine M. (k-11)
This was an excellent chapter in your book. A well-crafted ans well-balanced story that was self explanatory. Good development of character motivation. Fine grammar, spelling and flow. kay
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2023
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This was an excellent chapter in your book. A well-crafted ans well-balanced story that was self explanatory. Good development of character motivation. Fine grammar, spelling and flow. kay
Comment Written 17-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2023
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Hi Katherine M.
Thank you for the encouraging analysis of the writing. I appreciate the support.
Debi
Comment from lancellot
Ah, that age old motivator of men and women. There is nothing like revenge to build a scene around. This is well crafted. Love the tension of will he or won't he drink the tea. The captain wasn't sure for a moment, and doubt lingered. Perfectly written.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2023
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Ah, that age old motivator of men and women. There is nothing like revenge to build a scene around. This is well crafted. Love the tension of will he or won't he drink the tea. The captain wasn't sure for a moment, and doubt lingered. Perfectly written.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2023
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Hi lancellott,
Thank you for the encouraging review. I especially appreciate the comments about the tension and revenge.
Debi
Comment from lyenochka
Oh-oh. Revenge? I guess we'll get some backstory about Burkehart. I like the suspense you put into this as we didn't know until the very last second if Piper would drink the elfbane tea! But what I really liked about this chapter is that even though we know Burkehart is a villain in the book, you showed us a softer side, a part of him which relates to Piper and wants him to be fully human. Why Burkehart hates faes will be revealed soon, I guess. Virtual six!
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2023
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Oh-oh. Revenge? I guess we'll get some backstory about Burkehart. I like the suspense you put into this as we didn't know until the very last second if Piper would drink the elfbane tea! But what I really liked about this chapter is that even though we know Burkehart is a villain in the book, you showed us a softer side, a part of him which relates to Piper and wants him to be fully human. Why Burkehart hates faes will be revealed soon, I guess. Virtual six!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Apr-2023
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2023
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Hi Helen,
Thank you for the encouraging comments. I am happy to hear showing another side of Burkehart was effective and the suspense worked. I appreciate the support.
Debi