Spectre
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Lost"This is book two of a trilogy book 1 "Ghost"
14 total reviews
Comment from CrystieCookie999
This sure reads like a strong scene. It kept my interest from beginning to end. The righteous indignation would have been startling and rewarding to see in person.
Little fixes:
My rage flared up so fast it almost gave me whiplash!
I would put a comma after fast.
After a while I could see lights piercing the fog drawing closer to me.
I suggest putting a comma after fog.
As the car approached I realized it was a cab and as it drove by I could make out the profile of E.
I think put a comma after approached and after cab and after drove by.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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This sure reads like a strong scene. It kept my interest from beginning to end. The righteous indignation would have been startling and rewarding to see in person.
Little fixes:
My rage flared up so fast it almost gave me whiplash!
I would put a comma after fast.
After a while I could see lights piercing the fog drawing closer to me.
I suggest putting a comma after fog.
As the car approached I realized it was a cab and as it drove by I could make out the profile of E.
I think put a comma after approached and after cab and after drove by.
Comment Written 30-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2023
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Excellent suggestions for edit. Thank you so very much. I appreciate this a lot. My punctuation can sometimes lack for sure. Thank you so much again for reading. I know offering your awesome comments. And for your kind review too I appreciate them!
Comment from Jim Wile
Even with your mind in a similarly foggy state from the joint and the booze, you still kept your wits about you and reasoned out what you had to do. Amazing really.
You realized that your "friend" had done you no favor and was trying to corrupt you, probably so that she wouldn't feel as guilty about having chosen that lifestyle, because then there would be another person to share that distinction with her.
You are forced to escape yet another horror in your short life. When can you ever catch a break? Because there is more to this story plus a third book tells me there are still some rough times ahead. - Jim
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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Even with your mind in a similarly foggy state from the joint and the booze, you still kept your wits about you and reasoned out what you had to do. Amazing really.
You realized that your "friend" had done you no favor and was trying to corrupt you, probably so that she wouldn't feel as guilty about having chosen that lifestyle, because then there would be another person to share that distinction with her.
You are forced to escape yet another horror in your short life. When can you ever catch a break? Because there is more to this story plus a third book tells me there are still some rough times ahead. - Jim
Comment Written 25-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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Yes, jim, unfortunately, I had to learn many things the fartwood but learn I did and fast. You are always so thoughtful in your reviews for which I appreciate very much as you know I shall keep telling you! You make some valid points you always do when But I read your reviews! You're so happy you're here along with me thank you!
Comment from LJbutterfly
This turned out to be the story of an abused young girl learning to survive alone in an unknown world of dangers, deception and lies, and evil people who are always on the lookout for innocence to take advantage of. Your story is horrifying but written in a well-crafted and compelling way. Yours is the age old story of good verses evil. Your readers wait to see who wins.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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This turned out to be the story of an abused young girl learning to survive alone in an unknown world of dangers, deception and lies, and evil people who are always on the lookout for innocence to take advantage of. Your story is horrifying but written in a well-crafted and compelling way. Yours is the age old story of good verses evil. Your readers wait to see who wins.
Comment Written 25-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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Hi thank you again! You hit the nail on the head as usual! I hope my book Helps people and makes a difference in others like To know what to look for and what to do afterwards. Thank you again my friend I hope it's sunshine where you're at!
Comment from T B Botts
Hello Lea,
this story took my last six. It was worth it. I'm glad to see that you stood up for yourself finally. Obviously her mother doesn't know what her little angel is involved in. Perhaps the cops will intervene in her life before she ends up in an alley somewhere dead. I hope that you left that place. Sleeping in the woods would be preferred to staying there. Well done gal.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2023
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Hello Lea,
this story took my last six. It was worth it. I'm glad to see that you stood up for yourself finally. Obviously her mother doesn't know what her little angel is involved in. Perhaps the cops will intervene in her life before she ends up in an alley somewhere dead. I hope that you left that place. Sleeping in the woods would be preferred to staying there. Well done gal.
Have a blessed evening.
Tom
Comment Written 25-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2023
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Thank you again my friend!
Comment from EILEEN LAW
insightful and nerve wracking - how does this happen. Is this the way life great entry - the way you write is unique and interesting. I have 2 more to read and I look forward to reading more
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2023
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insightful and nerve wracking - how does this happen. Is this the way life great entry - the way you write is unique and interesting. I have 2 more to read and I look forward to reading more
Comment Written 25-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2023
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Thank you!!!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I can see a stronger you evolving. That's a really good thing. I can't wait to read more. Please your dialogue really needs help with punctuation.
You'll see." E replied. (comma after 'see')
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2023
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I can see a stronger you evolving. That's a really good thing. I can't wait to read more. Please your dialogue really needs help with punctuation.
You'll see." E replied. (comma after 'see')
Comment Written 25-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2023
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Hi Barbara, do you recommend a program I can use that with a assist me with punctuation? I have an issue there as you know. I run it through the filters. But they don't show any punctuation issues so i'm wondering if you can recommend something? I'd like to correct the issue. Thank you for your review bar. But I am incredibly happy to have you here because you are. I see how high you rank that you're number one, and you obviously number one for a reason and advise you have on that would be grateful to receive. And thank you for the rating and your fine review too!
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I don't know of a program that really works well, especially with dialogue. It's just something one has to edit themselves. For dialogue, if its' a speech tag, then the example, "Run dog," she said. If it's an action tag, then the example, "Run dog." She laughed. Speech tags are words where only words are said, not sounds like laughed.
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Wow. This is so exciting and horrifying all at the same time. Your circumstances are so dire; it absolutely breaks my heart. Can't wait for the next installment. This book is every bit as excellent as the first. xo
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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Wow. This is so exciting and horrifying all at the same time. Your circumstances are so dire; it absolutely breaks my heart. Can't wait for the next installment. This book is every bit as excellent as the first. xo
Comment Written 25-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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Thank you i'm glad do you think so wow that's a fine compliment! I hope I really do get Them on the shelves so to speak for people. My greatest hope is to put to stop to all this but in a perfect world. I hope you're having a fabulous evening. And i'm glad to hear you guys are feeling better thank you again!
Comment from BermyBye50
Lea,
Thank you for continuing to share your story. I am amazed by your recollections and the ability to express you experiences in a calm thoughtful manner. You are a highly skilled and talented writer as evidenced by the prologue to this chapter of the story. Book two 'Spectre' is clearly taking your story to the next level providing even more revealing insight into your memories of the tragic events of you life.
Your words draw me in to the depths of your story written with powerful intention. I empathize with the emotional drain these recollections must have on you. Telling your story this way must be therapeutic for you and a tremendous release and relief. You are an amazing woman of great strength and courage. You have my highest admiration for your willingness to share your story here on Fanstory.
All the best,
Eugene
P.S. Would it be OK for me to get to know you outside of texting on Fanstory and via random emails?
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2023
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Lea,
Thank you for continuing to share your story. I am amazed by your recollections and the ability to express you experiences in a calm thoughtful manner. You are a highly skilled and talented writer as evidenced by the prologue to this chapter of the story. Book two 'Spectre' is clearly taking your story to the next level providing even more revealing insight into your memories of the tragic events of you life.
Your words draw me in to the depths of your story written with powerful intention. I empathize with the emotional drain these recollections must have on you. Telling your story this way must be therapeutic for you and a tremendous release and relief. You are an amazing woman of great strength and courage. You have my highest admiration for your willingness to share your story here on Fanstory.
All the best,
Eugene
P.S. Would it be OK for me to get to know you outside of texting on Fanstory and via random emails?
Comment Written 25-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 25-Nov-2023
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Thank you again you Eugene!
Comment from Chuck Keller
Sometimes survival requires extreme action
I'm glad you survived this horror
Leaving the relative "comfort" of your space under the stairs and seeking peace elsewhere is frightening but necessary.
I know you made it out because you're writing this.
Like the old saying says:
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I'm not sure about that but it does give you a certain grit that evades those who have it easy
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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Sometimes survival requires extreme action
I'm glad you survived this horror
Leaving the relative "comfort" of your space under the stairs and seeking peace elsewhere is frightening but necessary.
I know you made it out because you're writing this.
Like the old saying says:
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
I'm not sure about that but it does give you a certain grit that evades those who have it easy
Comment Written 25-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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Gives a person a thick skin on a lot of things for sure! There's not many things in the world that surprise me anymore. Haven't for a long time although I still keep myself on the lookout. I haven't open mind about all things. Really that's how we expand ourselves other than tons of ice cream and jelly donuts. L o l Thank you again, chuck as always. I'm happy to see you here and you're a very talented rider too I hope your holiday was great!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Oh wow, Lea! Not that E didn't have it coming but I didn't expect that from you! Your totally understandable anger has come to the fore in a way that has left you now, physically, out to retaliate. E is bearing the full brunt of your grievances against the world. No one appears to be on your side except your reader of course! Is this the emergence of the girl who is no longer prepared to be invisible? Well done, Lea! Love Debbie x
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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Oh wow, Lea! Not that E didn't have it coming but I didn't expect that from you! Your totally understandable anger has come to the fore in a way that has left you now, physically, out to retaliate. E is bearing the full brunt of your grievances against the world. No one appears to be on your side except your reader of course! Is this the emergence of the girl who is no longer prepared to be invisible? Well done, Lea! Love Debbie x
Comment Written 25-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2023
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Yes, I build up my ladyballs as they call them overtime, begin to my shirt myself over time, it took a while but my anger seems to be the progenitor of a lot of things when it came to surviving and changing my way of doing things. I thank you again thank you so much! You're fine reviews you're fine rating and you're Selfless donation of your time is wonderful to me have a great night!