Spectre
Viewing comments for Chapter 27 "Fantasy "This is book two of a trilogy book 1 "Ghost"
12 total reviews
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I liked reading this chapter. But living on the edge of society like this must have been lonely.
Small fixes:
Oh how mother nature can use her arsenal in very effective ways.
I would say: Oh, how Mother Nature can use her arsenal in very effective ways!
Near the very end I would change this sentence slightly to:
Finally, the door opened, and a very large woman answered with a question.
"Hello, young lady. Can I help you?"
(I am hoping it was a friendly tone and not a critical one.)
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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I liked reading this chapter. But living on the edge of society like this must have been lonely.
Small fixes:
Oh how mother nature can use her arsenal in very effective ways.
I would say: Oh, how Mother Nature can use her arsenal in very effective ways!
Near the very end I would change this sentence slightly to:
Finally, the door opened, and a very large woman answered with a question.
"Hello, young lady. Can I help you?"
(I am hoping it was a friendly tone and not a critical one.)
Comment Written 24-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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It was very friendly indeed and she helped me with a family helps me and thank you so much for your review and your kind edit suggestions those are very precious to me I'm sorry for my late response I suffered third degree burns it's quite painful but thank you again and I hope that your Christmas is great that your New year's is awesome and that you're having a wonderful day!
Comment from Rachelle Allen
Wow, wow, wow. With every chapter I read, I despise your parents more, I swear. HOW could they allow their child/step-child to have this kind of roulette-wheel life? Good freakin gawd. May they rot in hell. Seriously.
You are a phoenix: magical, mythical, enchanting, awe-inspiring.
xoxox
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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Wow, wow, wow. With every chapter I read, I despise your parents more, I swear. HOW could they allow their child/step-child to have this kind of roulette-wheel life? Good freakin gawd. May they rot in hell. Seriously.
You are a phoenix: magical, mythical, enchanting, awe-inspiring.
xoxox
Comment Written 23-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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And you are my awesome friend the wind beneath my wings as Bette Midler would say I'm sorry for the late response as you know I've been in pain the last few days but I wanted to say to you thank you again for your friendship for your kindness for your help and for everything you do you're an amazing lady!
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It is always my pleasure to read whatever you write. xoxo
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Do you have the correct house? I thought P got permission. Hmm, I have to wait and see. I had hoped things would get better. You need to physically add the space for paragraph indentions.
"Hello?" A guys voice answered. (a guys...)
"Whazz up girl?" (comma after 'up')
says its cool. You can come." "Really? Thank you so much! I'll get there. Just give me the address. I'm walking so I won't get there right away." (Two dialogues in same paragraph. They deserve their own paragraph.)
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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Do you have the correct house? I thought P got permission. Hmm, I have to wait and see. I had hoped things would get better. You need to physically add the space for paragraph indentions.
"Hello?" A guys voice answered. (a guys...)
"Whazz up girl?" (comma after 'up')
says its cool. You can come." "Really? Thank you so much! I'll get there. Just give me the address. I'm walking so I won't get there right away." (Two dialogues in same paragraph. They deserve their own paragraph.)
Comment Written 23-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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Thank you Barbara again my apologies for my late response! I thank you for the edit suggestions is always and very precious to me! I wish you the best New year and a great day thank you again!
Comment from Annmuma
Another excellent chapter, written with honesty and truth. The scene is adeptly drawn and I could you making that last decision to answer the question posed by the one who opened the door. Merry Christmas. ann
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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Another excellent chapter, written with honesty and truth. The scene is adeptly drawn and I could you making that last decision to answer the question posed by the one who opened the door. Merry Christmas. ann
Comment Written 23-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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Thank you Anne happy holidays to you too thank you so much for your review and thank you for your kind insightful comments I hope your Christmas was amazing and I hope your New year's even better I thank you once again and hope your day is grand!
Comment from Jim Wile
I hate it when I come to the end of your posts, Lea; I just want to keep reading. This is one of those riveting stories that I would stay up all night reading until I'd finished it if it were a complete book. It would be impossible to put it down. But I must content myself with a chapter at a time.
You sound like you were at the height of misery--walking through the cold rain, probably soaked to the bone, not knowing what situation you would find yourself in, having been continually disappointed with everything that's happened so far since you escaped from home. How much can one young girl take without breaking? If nothing else, your upbringing brought out a strength in you and a refusal to just give up. That is so admirable.
Let's hope this new experience will prove better than all the previous ones. - Jim
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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I hate it when I come to the end of your posts, Lea; I just want to keep reading. This is one of those riveting stories that I would stay up all night reading until I'd finished it if it were a complete book. It would be impossible to put it down. But I must content myself with a chapter at a time.
You sound like you were at the height of misery--walking through the cold rain, probably soaked to the bone, not knowing what situation you would find yourself in, having been continually disappointed with everything that's happened so far since you escaped from home. How much can one young girl take without breaking? If nothing else, your upbringing brought out a strength in you and a refusal to just give up. That is so admirable.
Let's hope this new experience will prove better than all the previous ones. - Jim
Comment Written 23-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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Thank you again Jim! Your comments are so refreshing and insightful you always happy to see your reviews and look forward to them very much I hope you have a wonderful New year and that your day is amazing and my apologies again for my late response have a wonderful day!
Comment from BethShelby
If that is your friend's mother answering the door, I wuold have thought she knew you were on your way. I hope you are about to get some help. I know you are meeting your sister to go over the results of the DNA but I hope your can write more soon.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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If that is your friend's mother answering the door, I wuold have thought she knew you were on your way. I hope you are about to get some help. I know you are meeting your sister to go over the results of the DNA but I hope your can write more soon.
Comment Written 23-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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Oh yeah she knew I was on the way she just didn't know what I looked like cuz I never met her before. Thank you again Beth you're an amazing supporter I appreciate you so very much I hope your day is great I've read some of your recent work too I think it's very amazing I hope your new year is fabulous! Thank you again!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
How well you've captured contrasts here, Lea, in this excellent chapter. From the start, you're so acutely aware of the social warmth of which you've been so deprived: those voices speaking amiably/laughter; a contact with someone who responds positively to your needs; the cheery, welcoming sight of the house. And all this is juxtaposed with that creepy, haunting graveyard scene. As though you have to go through that journey of hell to come out the other side in the bright lights of the street with their promise of potential sanctuary. This is all so evocative and poignant and I don't think you could have expressed it better. Small edits: I couldn't (rein) it in any longer; the walk that would take me up the main road (omit 'I') Well done with this, Lea. Sadly, it has to be a virtual 6. Take care Debbie
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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How well you've captured contrasts here, Lea, in this excellent chapter. From the start, you're so acutely aware of the social warmth of which you've been so deprived: those voices speaking amiably/laughter; a contact with someone who responds positively to your needs; the cheery, welcoming sight of the house. And all this is juxtaposed with that creepy, haunting graveyard scene. As though you have to go through that journey of hell to come out the other side in the bright lights of the street with their promise of potential sanctuary. This is all so evocative and poignant and I don't think you could have expressed it better. Small edits: I couldn't (rein) it in any longer; the walk that would take me up the main road (omit 'I') Well done with this, Lea. Sadly, it has to be a virtual 6. Take care Debbie
Comment Written 23-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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Hi Debbie thank you once again I'm so happy to receive this and you always have such great comments and of course your suggestions for edit our precious to me my apologies again for my late response I have been in a lot of pain but I hope you have a wonderful New year and your day is grand!
Comment from Jacob1395
It must be tough having to ask a stranger for help, but sometimes it's the only thing you can do. I'm hoping that the woman who did answer the door is going to be kind and helpful. A well written piece Lea.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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It must be tough having to ask a stranger for help, but sometimes it's the only thing you can do. I'm hoping that the woman who did answer the door is going to be kind and helpful. A well written piece Lea.
Comment Written 23-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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Thank you Jacob so much for your review I appreciate it very much I appreciate you and always happy to see you come up your book ending was spectacular by the way if I didn't say that before I'm sorry for my late response I've suffered a bad accident and third degree burns I do hope your Christmas was great and your New year's even better and that you're having a wonderful day thank you again!
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Oh no. I hope you feel better soon.
Comment from JSD
A good tone for Christmas. Knocking on the door of the inn, hoping for some shelter. But you're not having a baby. Lol. A lovely piece. So brave. So strong. x
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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A good tone for Christmas. Knocking on the door of the inn, hoping for some shelter. But you're not having a baby. Lol. A lovely piece. So brave. So strong. x
Comment Written 23-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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Thank you again so much for this you know I appreciate it and I appreciate you too again my apologies for my late response lots of pain kept me down but thank you again I hope that you have a great New year and your day is amazing!
Comment from Lisasview
I will hare it with her and let's go through it bit by bit.
You do not need the - let's - here... just and go.....
I wish only send a message. you are missing a word here....either wish I could send a message or I wish to send a message
on the left
think you mean ... one on the left
My feet were packing it in.
Lea, what does this sentence mean?
A rustling movement and people chatting I could hear in the background.
A rustling movement and people chatting I could hear in the background.
Attached that kitchen was a large deck.
Missing word ...to...attached to that
My journal and began to rush one more time
Do you mean Journey? Need to make this sentence clear.
Climbing the view steps.
believe you meant few... and I do not think you would be climbing...perhaps walking or going up the few
opened the screen door and not politely on the
believe you mean knocked politely
A rustling movement and people chatting I could hear in the background.
Not a good sentence.. Perhaps I could hear people chatting in the house or something like that.
with a questioning. I believe you meant with a question.
But I do not think you need that sentence at all.
Just finally a woman answered the door.
"Hello young......
Okay so that is it for now... Hope it helps,
Lisa
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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I will hare it with her and let's go through it bit by bit.
You do not need the - let's - here... just and go.....
I wish only send a message. you are missing a word here....either wish I could send a message or I wish to send a message
on the left
think you mean ... one on the left
My feet were packing it in.
Lea, what does this sentence mean?
A rustling movement and people chatting I could hear in the background.
A rustling movement and people chatting I could hear in the background.
Attached that kitchen was a large deck.
Missing word ...to...attached to that
My journal and began to rush one more time
Do you mean Journey? Need to make this sentence clear.
Climbing the view steps.
believe you meant few... and I do not think you would be climbing...perhaps walking or going up the few
opened the screen door and not politely on the
believe you mean knocked politely
A rustling movement and people chatting I could hear in the background.
Not a good sentence.. Perhaps I could hear people chatting in the house or something like that.
with a questioning. I believe you meant with a question.
But I do not think you need that sentence at all.
Just finally a woman answered the door.
"Hello young......
Okay so that is it for now... Hope it helps,
Lisa
Comment Written 23-Dec-2023
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2023
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Hi Lisa thank you again for your kind review and your suggestions for edit as you know our precious to me I appreciate you reading and writing as always I appreciate you especially! I'm so sorry for my late response I suffered an accident and third degree burns been in a lot of pain but I wanted to say thank you again and wish you a great New year hope your Christmas was amazing and that your day is great too!
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Oh yes, I did know about the burns!!! and I did send you a message about that... Wondering if you get it?
Hope you are better very soon.
I enjour editing ...
I like being a good reviewer,
Lisa