Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill

Excellent

I do not know where all my reviews went. I can believe I skipped one or two, but this many does not make sense to me. But as I write one for one regardless of points. I will no doubt have time to fix it up. I may be slow these days while I play catchup. But, for now, I am caught up with the reviews I owed you.:-)

 Comment Written 27-Aug-2024

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reply by the author on 27-Aug-2024

Aw, you're too kind. You don't owe me any reviews, but I'm delighted all the same to get them.

I wish I had the time to review everything of yours too, but, as I said, there are only so many hours in the day. I do read most all of your postings, whether or not I review them. You are quite prolific!

reply by Karen Cherry Threadgill on 27-Aug-2024

I am all caught up on reviewing you for a while. I review everything I read, unless it is just hideous or too political, or religious. :-)

Comment from Neonewman

Excellent

Jim, I wish I had a six left. This is a six-star review. I loved the joke! I didn't expect the dog to talk. Can you explain to me why you used Italics for the work LIKE? I'm curious about this for my future endeavors. I'm still learning as I go.
Thank you for sharing.
God bless,
Steve

 Comment Written 23-Jul-2024

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reply by the author on 24-Jul-2024

Thanks so much for your virtual six, Steve. I will often italicize a word that the speaker is stressing in his speech or thoughts. It's simply for emphasis to get readers to hear it the way I hear it as the author. It's less strong than bolding it, which I rarely do in fiction, but reserve for essays and the like.

reply by Neonewman on 24-Jul-2024

Oh, cool. It's my pleasure, Jim. I got up in time, but I have to get ready after answering these reviews.

Comment from tfawcus

Excellent

Another emotionally strong chapter in which we get to know David a whole lot better. The patience he shows with his father mirrors his patience as a teacher.

There are still times when I get disconcerted by the switches between David talking to himself and David talking to the reader. Nonetheless, I thought this a powerful and engaging chapter.

 Comment Written 01-Feb-2024

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reply by the author on 02-Feb-2024

Give me an example of the last thing you said about talking to himself vs the reader. I want to think about that some more.

I've often wondered about the need to put personal thoughts of the characters in italics, but in a first person novel, the whole thing is basically his internal thoughts. Is there a need to differentiate between personal thoughts and simple narration of the story to the reader? I wonder?

And is there ever a need to finish an internal thought with "I thought." ? I've done it a few times in this novel, but is it really necessary?

reply by tfawcus on 02-Feb-2024

Here are a couple of paragraphs where I felt David was giving information to me rather than dwelling on things internally:
But there?s a compelling reason why I won?t move away, at least for right now. My father is still alive and lives in this town?at the VA hospital in the bright, new memory care wing. He divorced my mom when I was 18 after he?d caught her sleeping with her boss. Their marriage had been rocky for a couple of years prior to that, and this was the last straw. She ended up marrying her boss and dying with him in that car accident when I was 21.
and
My dad began showing signs of Alzheimer?s soon after that. He was 66 at the time. He was living by himself in an apartment in town, and I began visiting him often once the diagnosis was made. He had helpers come for a while, but within four years, he could no longer live by himself, and it was time to move to the VA hospital, where, luckily, they had a new memory care unit. He?s been there just over two years now, but his mental state is declining rapidly.
After that, he goes back into internal monologue, tying the information into what he's thinking about the situation to a much greater extent.

On the other point, I have been advised against putting great swathes of text in italics, so I don't think italicising thoughts would work well here. It's a bit different in stories where the character keeps switching between dialogue and internal thoughts, if some differentiation helps clarity.
I've also been advised against using i thought, etc. However, (I think) there are rare occasions where it helps clarity.

reply by the author on 03-Feb-2024

Your problem in switching back and forth between his internal thoughts and his straight recitation of action is interesting to me. In both cases, he's telling this story to the reader. He just happens to be sharing his thoughts with the reader in the first instance versus just telling them what's happened. I think it's valid to do both.

Of course, putting the thoughts in italics would make it even clearer, but, like you, I don't think that's really necessary in a first person POV story and would be distracting to look at.

In fact, I've read that the modern tendency isn't to do that even in third person stories told in past tense (the vast majority of them being in past tense). Instead, the use of present tense for those passages indicates personal thoughts.

For example:

Simon entered the convenience store to stock up on 5-hour drinks, and it was there that he saw the hit-man. Why do bad guys so often look like bad guys? He walked down the aisle, keeping his eye on the hit-man...

Comment from lancellot

Excellent

Hmm, this chapter feels like a continuation of the previous chapter. And more of building David's character of self-defeat, and softness with the readers. To be so young, and willing to leave teaching, and the degree he just earned to do something else. This chapter emphasizes that David is a nice guy.

 Comment Written 28-Jan-2024

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reply by the author on 28-Jan-2024

See my response to your review of Chapter 4.

Comment from LJbutterfly

Excellent

The most intriguing part of this chapter was David's visit with his father at the VA Hospital. Your description of David's father appearing to engage with hospital staff put the reader in the hallway. Dialogue between the two men was sad, heartwarming, and realistic. I look forward to reading David's future plans to take care of all the problems.

 Comment Written 27-Jan-2024

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reply by the author on 27-Jan-2024

The event in the hallway was based on something I observed during one of my visits to my mother when she was in memory care. An old guy who was a retired admiral with Alzheimer's had joined a group of staff members, and looked like he was part of it. I only found out later he was a patient there.

Thanks for your very kind review, Lorraine.

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Oh, that's sad. I think you got the dialogue of the dad with Alzheimer's just right. Shortstop takes brains to play. Hope David's plan really works. I wonder how he can tie up all the loose ends and stop the rumors. But since he played shortstop and teaches physics so kids can understand, I am confident he'll come up with the right solution!

 Comment Written 24-Jan-2024

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reply by the author on 24-Jan-2024

Thanks, Helen. They haven't found a correlation between intelligence and dyslexia. In fact some very intelligent people like Einstein and Steve Jobs had dyslexia. David's brilliance will take him far despite this setback.

Comment from Pearl Edwards

Excellent

A lovely Chapter Jim. I felt like I was there with them during David's hospital visit with his dad. In life sometimes things snowball and that seems like what is happening for him. Another good chapter.
Cheers
Valda

 Comment Written 24-Jan-2024

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reply by the author on 24-Jan-2024

Thanks very much, Valda. David is definitely at a low point in his life right now, but things will start looking up again soon.

Comment from Carol Clark2

Excellent

David's dad seems pretty mentally lucid, compared with the way my parents would have responded. They both had Alzheimer's, thankfully not at the same time. But I see that David's father has some mix-up with names and details of the family. I'm hoping David's "plan" does not include ending his life, since he went to say goodbye to his father. Good story, Jim, and a good joke included. Have a great week. Carol

 Comment Written 23-Jan-2024

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reply by the author on 24-Jan-2024

Sorry to hear both your folks suffered the same fate, Carol. It's difficult to watch. Hopefully Alzheimer's patients are happy and unaware they are slowly losing their minds.

I've always liked that joke!

reply by Carol Clark2 on 25-Jan-2024

I remember one time my Dad realized he had asked the same question numerous times. He went through all the awful stages of the illness, but my Mom was always sweet and gentle, like a little lamb. Interesting they could be so different with the same illness.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

What a terribly sad episode, one can't help sympathising with David, we could all suffer being beleaguered like him being mere males ourself, but his dad probably won't live long, that's the problem with dementia, beautifully wrutten, blessings Roy

 Comment Written 23-Jan-2024

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reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024

Thanks, Roy. Maybe something else besides his dad will keep him there once his dad passes. We'll see.

reply by royowen on 23-Jan-2024

Perhaps hope or a name cleared

Comment from Carol Hillebrenner

Excellent

The story is going very well. David still has a good attitude and is thinking about trying something else, which is what you have to do when your job disappears. His interaction with his father is spot on; my mother had a similar problem for many years. I'm looking forward to what will happen next. I do hope he encounters some of his students and they tell him how much they miss him. He needs that and students often do that.

 Comment Written 23-Jan-2024

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reply by the author on 23-Jan-2024

Thanks very much, Carol. David will indeed encounter some students, but the meeting won't be quite how you've guessed it might be. (I love dropping these little hints as teasers!)