Guilt-Stained Badge
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Amy Henderson"2nd Place Finish
6 total reviews
Comment from Wayne Fowler
I didn't see a single SPAG (sorry?) smiley face here
Only comment I might throw out would be to consider slightly longer posts (1200-1500 would be fine). Sometimes a thousand doesn't doesn't advance a story much. (This segment was fine, though.)
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2024
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I didn't see a single SPAG (sorry?) smiley face here
Only comment I might throw out would be to consider slightly longer posts (1200-1500 would be fine). Sometimes a thousand doesn't doesn't advance a story much. (This segment was fine, though.)
Best wishes.
Comment Written 06-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 06-Mar-2024
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Thanks Wayne. Someone suggested a hyphen in the title. Blood-Stained Badge.
I?m not sure. What do you think?
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Guilt-Stained????
I'm good with the hyphen, although it might make searches difficult.
Comment from Soledadpaz
Perhaps delete the second 'knew'
He knew he was sleeping and what morbid scene . . .
Perhaps delete: 'There she was.'
Her body swung slowly back and forth.
Perhaps: eyes popped open and she pointed at him.
Perhaps: Tamra studied the ground around the victim.
Suggest: pincers. . . . small silver piece held between the (pincers.)
Should this be: I was (referring) to her pimp
Unclear: "You'd better get back in your case file." Should it be: You'd better get back (to) your case file.
Unclear who this is referring to: "The usually aggressive man's demeanor seemed a bit lackadaisical." Is this Morgan's POV about Mac? Or this a description of Morgan?
Good story development. We now know what his dream is. And how it tortures and terrifies him. No wonder he wants to block it out with drink.
Sol
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2024
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Perhaps delete the second 'knew'
He knew he was sleeping and what morbid scene . . .
Perhaps delete: 'There she was.'
Her body swung slowly back and forth.
Perhaps: eyes popped open and she pointed at him.
Perhaps: Tamra studied the ground around the victim.
Suggest: pincers. . . . small silver piece held between the (pincers.)
Should this be: I was (referring) to her pimp
Unclear: "You'd better get back in your case file." Should it be: You'd better get back (to) your case file.
Unclear who this is referring to: "The usually aggressive man's demeanor seemed a bit lackadaisical." Is this Morgan's POV about Mac? Or this a description of Morgan?
Good story development. We now know what his dream is. And how it tortures and terrifies him. No wonder he wants to block it out with drink.
Sol
Comment Written 05-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 07-Mar-2024
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Knocked out another one. I appreciate the effort you are putting in here, Sol!
D
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Does Mac know Morgan is the detective to likes prostitutes? I wonder. This is another good post.
Morgan has a fixation on Kelly's earrings. I'm wondering if there's a connection with these two dead pros and the missing earrings.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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Does Mac know Morgan is the detective to likes prostitutes? I wonder. This is another good post.
Morgan has a fixation on Kelly's earrings. I'm wondering if there's a connection with these two dead pros and the missing earrings.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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Good questions! We shall see! Thanks for staying in!
Comment from Julie Helms
Good scene starter with the dream. Grips the reader from the first word. The plot thickens with the second body and the mention of the pimp. Now I'm thinking about Kelly's big earrings and if that will make her a target. Great job, keep it up!
must have over-looked (overlooked)
pot-bellied reporter (potbellied)
Julie :-)
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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Good scene starter with the dream. Grips the reader from the first word. The plot thickens with the second body and the mention of the pimp. Now I'm thinking about Kelly's big earrings and if that will make her a target. Great job, keep it up!
must have over-looked (overlooked)
pot-bellied reporter (potbellied)
Julie :-)
Comment Written 05-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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Oh my goodness! You are such a huge help. Thank you so much!
Comment from Terry Broxson
Douglas, nice job with this chapter. The pimp is a good wrinkle in the plot. One thing I have picked up from reading Carol's (Begin Again) story is that at the end of the chapter she lists her main characters and who they are.
As a reader, who is reading a couple of novels in the contest, I appreciate how she is helping keep the characters in place for me. You might take a look at how she does it. It might be an idea for you. Good job. Terry.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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Douglas, nice job with this chapter. The pimp is a good wrinkle in the plot. One thing I have picked up from reading Carol's (Begin Again) story is that at the end of the chapter she lists her main characters and who they are.
As a reader, who is reading a couple of novels in the contest, I appreciate how she is helping keep the characters in place for me. You might take a look at how she does it. It might be an idea for you. Good job. Terry.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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Awesome! Barbara Wilkey does that as well. I like it!
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Am I confusing you with someone else writing a thirty day challenge where no rewards for reviews are offered, for this one does have some $$$'s whereas the notes remind me of another, if not you.
It doesn;t matter I read you for pure joy.
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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Am I confusing you with someone else writing a thirty day challenge where no rewards for reviews are offered, for this one does have some $$$'s whereas the notes remind me of another, if not you.
It doesn;t matter I read you for pure joy.
Comment Written 05-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 05-Mar-2024
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You are the first review! That comes with $$$. I heard a couple others are also writing crime stories for this same contest. What fun! May get confusing. By the way, Tom, your last line is a huge compliment to me. Thank you, my friend.
Douglas.
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You're welcome, and peck that keyboard. Your fanworld awaits you.