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Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "Hutch Keller"2nd Place Finish
8 total reviews
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
This is a good solid detective yarn. Reminds me of Ed McBain. Who was also Evan Hunter, But his birth name was Salvatore Albert Lombino. Don't you feel smarter? Karen :-) I posted your new claim to fame!
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2024
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This is a good solid detective yarn. Reminds me of Ed McBain. Who was also Evan Hunter, But his birth name was Salvatore Albert Lombino. Don't you feel smarter? Karen :-) I posted your new claim to fame!
Comment Written 10-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 10-Mar-2024
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Ha! I read it. You are witty and cheeky! Had to look up Salvatore. Interesting comparison.
D
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I am very eclectic.:-)
Comment from Soledadpaz
Suggest: Distraught, he put his head in his hands.
Typo? "still be in prison." Is Hutch an ex-con?
Hutch comes across as concerned and caring for his friend and partner. He also feels indebted to him. Dialogue is realistic. Well done.
Sol
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2024
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Suggest: Distraught, he put his head in his hands.
Typo? "still be in prison." Is Hutch an ex-con?
Hutch comes across as concerned and caring for his friend and partner. He also feels indebted to him. Dialogue is realistic. Well done.
Sol
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2024
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Awesome assist, Sol! Thank you.
Douglas
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
It's sounding great, Doug! We're learning now about a much more rounded Morgan, albeit far from straight and willing to do whatever necessary to get his friend out of a (racist victim?) hole. But he is principled in his memory to Debra and loath to bed her sister. In fact, Debra seems to have been the one person who kept him out of the gutter. This is realistic and providing useful background and momentum to the story. Morgan is going to resist change at the moment. But Tamra is definitely on the horizon. Edits: I agreed to me(e)t with you; Was...was (possibly better than the two capitals which sound a bit awkward? he'(s) been waiting for you to screw up; Hate(')s a strong word; Was...(w)as your sister-in-law. I think the fatherly role definitely works. And is perhaps in character with someone who knows, through being black, about hardships and discrimination? As ever, dialogue and thought process (last line) excellent! I'm in the story now! Well done! Debbie
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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It's sounding great, Doug! We're learning now about a much more rounded Morgan, albeit far from straight and willing to do whatever necessary to get his friend out of a (racist victim?) hole. But he is principled in his memory to Debra and loath to bed her sister. In fact, Debra seems to have been the one person who kept him out of the gutter. This is realistic and providing useful background and momentum to the story. Morgan is going to resist change at the moment. But Tamra is definitely on the horizon. Edits: I agreed to me(e)t with you; Was...was (possibly better than the two capitals which sound a bit awkward? he'(s) been waiting for you to screw up; Hate(')s a strong word; Was...(w)as your sister-in-law. I think the fatherly role definitely works. And is perhaps in character with someone who knows, through being black, about hardships and discrimination? As ever, dialogue and thought process (last line) excellent! I'm in the story now! Well done! Debbie
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Thank you so much, Debbie. These are great fixes. Big help!!!
Comment from Julie Helms
dressed impeccable (you need an adverb, impeccably)
Stop the dumbfuckory :-) Never heard that before. It's a perfect Morgan word!
OK, that's all you get for two cents. Just kidding, that's all I found. I liked the pacing in this chapter.
Julie
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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dressed impeccable (you need an adverb, impeccably)
Stop the dumbfuckory :-) Never heard that before. It's a perfect Morgan word!
OK, that's all you get for two cents. Just kidding, that's all I found. I liked the pacing in this chapter.
Julie
Comment Written 08-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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I was planning on doing this meeting earlier but wanted to develop the Kelly back story first. Thank you for the catches!
D
Comment from Terry Broxson
Douglas, I think you got Hutch right--at least up to this point. I will wait to see what else you have planned for him. At this point in the story, neither Hutch nor Morgan is very likable. They are certainly flawed. Keep it up. Terry.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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Douglas, I think you got Hutch right--at least up to this point. I will wait to see what else you have planned for him. At this point in the story, neither Hutch nor Morgan is very likable. They are certainly flawed. Keep it up. Terry.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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Awesome as flawed
was the goal. Thank you for hanging in. Someone did say that this is way too fast paced. My thoughts are that it?s a Novela, only half a novel. I did slow it down here but I am going for gritty, high-impact, and intense. Is the pace off? What ya think?
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I don't think the pace is off.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I had hoped Morgan would quit drinking after the conversation with Hutch. I also hope he listens to him about Brian Anderson. I believe Anderson is out to finish him off. He needs to figure another way to return the money. You did calm things down in this post and kept your character intact. This is a good story.
You never got past Debra's death."Hutch grabbed him by the shoulders. (space after ending quotation marks)
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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I had hoped Morgan would quit drinking after the conversation with Hutch. I also hope he listens to him about Brian Anderson. I believe Anderson is out to finish him off. He needs to figure another way to return the money. You did calm things down in this post and kept your character intact. This is a good story.
You never got past Debra's death."Hutch grabbed him by the shoulders. (space after ending quotation marks)
Comment Written 08-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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I am going to bring Morgan so low that redemption seems impossible. Then . . . well, I guess you are gonna have to read.
Douglas
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Yes, I will definitely read. I happen to like things to happen slowly.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Nicely written.
Hmmmm. Seemed like Morgan was pretty quick to just turn things around - like on a dime, it felt. Then he asked for another drink.
So Hutch thinks Anderson will renege on his promise of no prison time and Morgan thinks there is a chance to remain on the force. Hmmmm.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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Nicely written.
Hmmmm. Seemed like Morgan was pretty quick to just turn things around - like on a dime, it felt. Then he asked for another drink.
So Hutch thinks Anderson will renege on his promise of no prison time and Morgan thinks there is a chance to remain on the force. Hmmmm.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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Silly cops. I think Morgan was just telling Hutch what he wanted to hear. That was what getting the drunk at the end was supposed to signify. Maybe fell short.
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Sometimes we of the obtuse variety need to be told what to think. (smiley face here)
Comment from Tom Horonzy
and the BEAT, as cops say, goes on. It's likely that who says what is proper protocol, but when I read stories like this I skip over for I, being as bright as a five-watt lightbulb can deduce who is saying to whom at the time.
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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and the BEAT, as cops say, goes on. It's likely that who says what is proper protocol, but when I read stories like this I skip over for I, being as bright as a five-watt lightbulb can deduce who is saying to whom at the time.
Comment Written 08-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 08-Mar-2024
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Yeah. I?m getting a lot of complaints about my book, even in messaging. I put the graphic warning but people still read and say it?s too graphic. Also too much action slow it down. And other things. I think this 30 chapters in 30 day thing is too fast paced for me. I?ve read some of the other entrants and I think either they are geniuses or they pulled an old write from the shelf and are just entering it. Some of them are mistake free. No way I can do that with one day of write and edit. Even Stephen King said it takes him six months to self-edit a book. Feel free to jump off the train before it derails. You won?t be the first! Ha!
Thanks, Tom.
As for me, I shall finish the game.
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Not that way. I like what you are writing. I am in for the duration. My question is are the who says what needed or sans the bob said, Tina answered or whomever I would write the dialogue only.