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Viewing comments for Chapter 9 "Steve Vance"2nd Place Finish
8 total reviews
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Yes, the Nicki thing was short term. Morgan will probably end up with Tamara, at least for a year or two. Morgan is going to be in a wreck ( not his fault) and will be forced by circumstances to dry out, and he will willingly stick to beer after that. That's what I see about that. Yours is probably totally different! Don't tell me. Karen
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2024
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Yes, the Nicki thing was short term. Morgan will probably end up with Tamara, at least for a year or two. Morgan is going to be in a wreck ( not his fault) and will be forced by circumstances to dry out, and he will willingly stick to beer after that. That's what I see about that. Yours is probably totally different! Don't tell me. Karen
Comment Written 11-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2024
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Tee hee. The ending will catch you by surprise?
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Tee hee. The ending will catch you by surprise?
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Old habits die hard! He's not going to change anytime soon is he? Firstly, I can tell you're rather rushing this chapter (hardly surprising in the circumstances). But there is descriptive repetition with Niki which sounds awkward: "The black-haired beauty," "The smokey-eyed beauty," "The beautiful woman" (all a bit over-egged) "I'm pretty sure that(,) once you leave," "The short(,) flustered blond" "It(')s just that Kevin had left me" But Morgan's character is well delineated and I'm almost beginning to read his mind. Well done! Debbie. PS I keep forgetting to congratulate you on your contest win with Pop the Cherry! Loved it!
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2024
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Old habits die hard! He's not going to change anytime soon is he? Firstly, I can tell you're rather rushing this chapter (hardly surprising in the circumstances). But there is descriptive repetition with Niki which sounds awkward: "The black-haired beauty," "The smokey-eyed beauty," "The beautiful woman" (all a bit over-egged) "I'm pretty sure that(,) once you leave," "The short(,) flustered blond" "It(')s just that Kevin had left me" But Morgan's character is well delineated and I'm almost beginning to read his mind. Well done! Debbie. PS I keep forgetting to congratulate you on your contest win with Pop the Cherry! Loved it!
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 13-Mar-2024
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Thanks, Debbie. Those are some great fixes. Playing catch-up!
Pop the Cherry was a fun write!
Douglas
Comment from Tom Horonzy
Well, I liked the tale, but how does it fit in with the murders, witches, and such? That's not a slam by any means. I guess to write a chapter a day for thirty takes inventiveness!
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Well, I liked the tale, but how does it fit in with the murders, witches, and such? That's not a slam by any means. I guess to write a chapter a day for thirty takes inventiveness!
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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No witches in this one. This is the thirty day prostitute killer book with Morgan Kelly and Tamra. Every Sunday I drop one for the Lair of the Seductress with Greg and Jenny. That?s the Goosebumps for adults series.
Comment from Soledadpaz
Suggest restructure for clarity: From the living room window, they saw Steve drive away from the complex several hours later.
Typo: grabbed his robe and put (it) on
Hard to visualize someone grabbing a person by the shoulders but avoiding eye contact. Perhaps end sentence at: "shoulders"?
Lots happening in this chapter character-wise. We see what's motivating Nicki to have a dalliance with Morgan, and we see her husband willing to overlook it. And Tamra came to make peace with Morgan and feed him, which is good.
Sol
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2024
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Suggest restructure for clarity: From the living room window, they saw Steve drive away from the complex several hours later.
Typo: grabbed his robe and put (it) on
Hard to visualize someone grabbing a person by the shoulders but avoiding eye contact. Perhaps end sentence at: "shoulders"?
Lots happening in this chapter character-wise. We see what's motivating Nicki to have a dalliance with Morgan, and we see her husband willing to overlook it. And Tamra came to make peace with Morgan and feed him, which is good.
Sol
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 11-Mar-2024
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Thanks again! I liked these as well.
D
Comment from Terry Broxson
Douglas, you have parts of a triangle forming here. Morgan, Tamra, and Nicki, or maybe Kelly. Or maybe someone else. I am a little suspicious of Nicki at this point. We will see what happens. Terry.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Douglas, you have parts of a triangle forming here. Morgan, Tamra, and Nicki, or maybe Kelly. Or maybe someone else. I am a little suspicious of Nicki at this point. We will see what happens. Terry.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Hee. I am placing a lot of suspects to befuddle my reader. But there are/will be clues here and there. If I stick to my outline, you will all need to guess the killer before the last few chapters. We shall see!
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I think it might be Professor Douglas, who used a Goff club on Colonel Mustard in the Library. After the Colonel found out about the Professor and Kelly the young hooker. Just a guess at this point!
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Nice. Very nice. Ha!
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Morgan is a real charmer.
Well written chapter. Good work.
Nicki needs to dope Steve's drinks with Viagra, or something. Maybe go down on him more often.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Morgan is a real charmer.
Well written chapter. Good work.
Nicki needs to dope Steve's drinks with Viagra, or something. Maybe go down on him more often.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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It surprises me how many of my wife and I?s friends are in this exact situation, feeling like their spouses are roommates. I work hard to keep that happening in my relationship. Still, very common.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I couldn't find anything that needs improvement. I liked that Tamra came to visit and I hope that she helps turn Morgan's life around. I do hope that Nicki is over. I like Morgan and Tamra together. I feel with her around there is hope for him. I am still curious how he's going to get out the of the taking the money situation. Maybe if he sneaks it back into the evidence room. Just a thought.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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I couldn't find anything that needs improvement. I liked that Tamra came to visit and I hope that she helps turn Morgan's life around. I do hope that Nicki is over. I like Morgan and Tamra together. I feel with her around there is hope for him. I am still curious how he's going to get out the of the taking the money situation. Maybe if he sneaks it back into the evidence room. Just a thought.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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I have a much better plan for the money?muuuuhahahahha
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I'm sure you do.
Comment from Julie Helms
Wow, Morgan's quite the stud. Weaving himself into sticky situations all over the place!
More loud pounding. "I know your here (you're)
followed by more heavy ponding (pounding)
The heart-broken man (heartbroken)
(Following two passages you've flipped into first person POV. I assume these are his thoughts, so keep them as is, but put them in italics.)
I really didn't want dramatic ties with anyone. I should have ended this thing after that first night.
I don't want it to end. This almost seems real. Normal. I could get used to having her around.
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Wow, Morgan's quite the stud. Weaving himself into sticky situations all over the place!
More loud pounding. "I know your here (you're)
followed by more heavy ponding (pounding)
The heart-broken man (heartbroken)
(Following two passages you've flipped into first person POV. I assume these are his thoughts, so keep them as is, but put them in italics.)
I really didn't want dramatic ties with anyone. I should have ended this thing after that first night.
I don't want it to end. This almost seems real. Normal. I could get used to having her around.
Comment Written 09-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 09-Mar-2024
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Oh my, I write these in word and the italicized has always transferred over?until today. Thank you for catching that! More awesome fixes from an awesome friend. Appreciate you!
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Just keep stroking my ego and I'll keep on going. Ha ha! It's no problem, I enjoy it.