Guilt-Stained Badge
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Captain Howitz"2nd Place Finish
8 total reviews
Comment from Soledadpaz
Suggest start with the second sentence. The first sentence makes it seem that he had been in an interogation room before, but he had been in a conference room.
To continue the thought of more people suggest:
(But) there was also a uniformed officer named . . .
Or: (And) there was also a uniformed . . .
During revision, suggest look over Anderson taking a seat across from Morgan, and then immediately following this, Morgan taking a seat across from Anderson.
Suggest: It was a photo of a (younger Jennifer Collins.)
(lying) in a pool of blood
Suggest: It (had taken) so much effort to earn that badge.
Could delete: was the one who.
Captain Howitz had selected Morgan for the homicide unit.
Suggest: He had a look of (great) disappointment on his face.
For greater impact suggest delete last sentence and end with "Belzer led Morgan from the room." It leaves the reader with the image of a dejected Morgan slouching from the room.
Wow, halfway, awesome!
Sol
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2024
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Suggest start with the second sentence. The first sentence makes it seem that he had been in an interogation room before, but he had been in a conference room.
To continue the thought of more people suggest:
(But) there was also a uniformed officer named . . .
Or: (And) there was also a uniformed . . .
During revision, suggest look over Anderson taking a seat across from Morgan, and then immediately following this, Morgan taking a seat across from Anderson.
Suggest: It was a photo of a (younger Jennifer Collins.)
(lying) in a pool of blood
Suggest: It (had taken) so much effort to earn that badge.
Could delete: was the one who.
Captain Howitz had selected Morgan for the homicide unit.
Suggest: He had a look of (great) disappointment on his face.
For greater impact suggest delete last sentence and end with "Belzer led Morgan from the room." It leaves the reader with the image of a dejected Morgan slouching from the room.
Wow, halfway, awesome!
Sol
Comment Written 19-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 21-Mar-2024
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Okay, I think I am all caught up!
Thank you!
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
FanStory ate my homework. I vote for Hutch the obvious choice. He didn't like Morgan fooling around with those loose women. 2nd choice Darrin, I never trust those overly righteous ones. Tomorrow I can give you a six! Karen :-)
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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FanStory ate my homework. I vote for Hutch the obvious choice. He didn't like Morgan fooling around with those loose women. 2nd choice Darrin, I never trust those overly righteous ones. Tomorrow I can give you a six! Karen :-)
Comment Written 16-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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Interesting. Most people are leaning a different way!
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I will have to leave before I beg you tell me I am right. Karen :-)
Comment from Julie Helms
Ruh-Roh! It seems like the police are a little too eager to nail him. I think the perp is an insider in the department. The IA guy doesn't seem smart enough. He was happy with collaring Morgan with the theft. Great chapter, suspense and dialogue!
Oh, so now I slept with Any Henderson?" (Amy)
Morgan unclipped the tin star from his belt and placed and tossed it on the table. (Did he place it or toss it? I'm thinking he spiked it!)
Julie
:-)
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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Ruh-Roh! It seems like the police are a little too eager to nail him. I think the perp is an insider in the department. The IA guy doesn't seem smart enough. He was happy with collaring Morgan with the theft. Great chapter, suspense and dialogue!
Oh, so now I slept with Any Henderson?" (Amy)
Morgan unclipped the tin star from his belt and placed and tossed it on the table. (Did he place it or toss it? I'm thinking he spiked it!)
Julie
:-)
Comment Written 15-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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Oh my goodness, how did I miss those errors? Whoopsies! Thank you!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
I haven't got a clue about the serial killer but, seeing as the victims have all been screwed by Morgan, what if it was a jealous, vengeful woman? This is all getting verse tense and serious for Morgan. I can't see any way out of him being arrested very shortly. Still enjoying the thought processes in conjunction withe the dialogue. It's an excellent technique. Well done, Doug! Debbie
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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I haven't got a clue about the serial killer but, seeing as the victims have all been screwed by Morgan, what if it was a jealous, vengeful woman? This is all getting verse tense and serious for Morgan. I can't see any way out of him being arrested very shortly. Still enjoying the thought processes in conjunction withe the dialogue. It's an excellent technique. Well done, Doug! Debbie
Comment Written 15-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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I suspect you are likely to figure this thing out.
Douglas
Comment from Terry Broxson
Well, so much for Morgan's momentum. Now, he is between a rock and a hard place. I'm starting to wonder about Hutch. He seems much too quiet for a partner who can help or hurt Morgan's case. Good job, Terry.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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Well, so much for Morgan's momentum. Now, he is between a rock and a hard place. I'm starting to wonder about Hutch. He seems much too quiet for a partner who can help or hurt Morgan's case. Good job, Terry.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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Hutch is in a bad spot as well knowing that Morgan stole the money.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Morgan certainly appears guilty but all he's guilty of is having sex with numerous women, far from an angel but not guilty of murder. I am wondering how you plan on getting him out of this mess. Will Tamra help him or maybe Hutch. Maybe he'll do it on his own.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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Morgan certainly appears guilty but all he's guilty of is having sex with numerous women, far from an angel but not guilty of murder. I am wondering how you plan on getting him out of this mess. Will Tamra help him or maybe Hutch. Maybe he'll do it on his own.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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Rock bottom? We shall see!
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Can't wait!!
Comment from Tom Horonzy
As the tension rises, so does Morgan's pulse. So many questions without answers in this chapter. What will Morgan do without access to the station house, the forensic evidence,and the pipeline of fellow officers?
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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As the tension rises, so does Morgan's pulse. So many questions without answers in this chapter. What will Morgan do without access to the station house, the forensic evidence,and the pipeline of fellow officers?
Comment Written 15-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2024
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I?m guessing Morgan will do nothing good?
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Reacher II
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well done. Hard to see a way out of this mess. This (the whole book) reads exactly like Stephen King outlines: get the protagonist in deeper and deeper until the reader sees no way out.
"Oh, so now I slept with Any Henderson? - Missing end quote
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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Well done. Hard to see a way out of this mess. This (the whole book) reads exactly like Stephen King outlines: get the protagonist in deeper and deeper until the reader sees no way out.
"Oh, so now I slept with Any Henderson? - Missing end quote
Best wishes.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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Thanks, Wayne!