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Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Sweet Sugar "2nd Place Finish
9 total reviews
Comment from Soledadpaz
Excellent chapter. Dialogue flows like butter. Beth is a strong character and she certainly displays logic when she says that pimps don't kill their moneymakers. Love that "Rico Suave" term.
I guess we can cross out Paco, though not quite clear if he is dead or just mangled.
One possible edit: He stared out the (car) window
Sol
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2024
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Excellent chapter. Dialogue flows like butter. Beth is a strong character and she certainly displays logic when she says that pimps don't kill their moneymakers. Love that "Rico Suave" term.
I guess we can cross out Paco, though not quite clear if he is dead or just mangled.
One possible edit: He stared out the (car) window
Sol
Comment Written 19-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2024
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Thank you! I was afraid this chapter might be a little too graphic, But seems to have read well. Thank you for the awesome six! I am so curious to see who you think the killer is. A few more chapters and it will be guess time!
D
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
Well, Morgan is not an angel. People use drugs and alcohol to dull the pain inside. He has a lot to deal with. I hope he can forgive himself soon, poor thing.
Good job, Douglas. I'm enjoying the story.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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Well, Morgan is not an angel. People use drugs and alcohol to dull the pain inside. He has a lot to deal with. I hope he can forgive himself soon, poor thing.
Good job, Douglas. I'm enjoying the story.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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Thank you! Morgan has some issues to work out!
Comment from Terry Broxson
Doughlas, I can't say we learned anything new except to forget Paco. But Morgan and Miss Sweetness did seem to enjoy themselves, and Sweetness made a few bucks. Good work. Terry.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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Doughlas, I can't say we learned anything new except to forget Paco. But Morgan and Miss Sweetness did seem to enjoy themselves, and Sweetness made a few bucks. Good work. Terry.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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It?s a builder chapter. You?ll understand tomorrow ;)
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Tommorrow I can six ya. I posted "Ellie the original Easter rabbit." I think I answered the question why do bunnies have the eggs! Beth gave better detection than he had. Karen :-)
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2024
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Tommorrow I can six ya. I posted "Ellie the original Easter rabbit." I think I answered the question why do bunnies have the eggs! Beth gave better detection than he had. Karen :-)
Comment Written 16-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 17-Mar-2024
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I reviewed that story. You wrote quite the cute piece. Are we seeing a cuddly side?
D
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I have a gooey center, like a cadbury egg. Karen :-)
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Oh wow, whenever that voice of sanity comes into his head, he just drowns it all out with whatever is available. He seems to be beyond redemption even though he still believes he can solve these murders (forgetting perhaps that a clear head might serve him better). He's got it wrong about Paco being behind all this and the plot thickens still more. Small edit: I'm guessing since you(')re a cop... Sometimes the dialect is so thick, it's difficult to follow. Could it be modified just slightly? But an excellent read, Doug. Take care Debbie
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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Oh wow, whenever that voice of sanity comes into his head, he just drowns it all out with whatever is available. He seems to be beyond redemption even though he still believes he can solve these murders (forgetting perhaps that a clear head might serve him better). He's got it wrong about Paco being behind all this and the plot thickens still more. Small edit: I'm guessing since you(')re a cop... Sometimes the dialect is so thick, it's difficult to follow. Could it be modified just slightly? But an excellent read, Doug. Take care Debbie
Comment Written 16-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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Thank you, Debbie. I can always count on you to keep me on the right path!
He?s too self-destructive to solve anything. He needs to get cleaned up.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Not bad (the sex), considering the alcohol and his age.
Well-written chapter. But I'm thinkin' the perpetrator is a cop (maybe the captain) and Morgan catches him, saving his job and his life (his own, that is).
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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Not bad (the sex), considering the alcohol and his age.
Well-written chapter. But I'm thinkin' the perpetrator is a cop (maybe the captain) and Morgan catches him, saving his job and his life (his own, that is).
Best wishes.
Comment Written 16-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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You have been very perceptive so far, Wayne, picking up on things that were meant to be clues. I think if anyone gets it right, you have the best chance. Still, there will be more clues to glean.
Morgan is obviously a sex addict. He could probably hump in a hurricane. I like his flaws. He is a bit villainous in his own right.
Comment from Tom Horonzy
I must have done something wrong with FS because I have not seen a sixth star to give anyone in a while. My drop down ends at five.
I'm curious in regards to this series of tales, how many reviews do each release garner? And of those, what percentage are guys verses gals?
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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I must have done something wrong with FS because I have not seen a sixth star to give anyone in a while. My drop down ends at five.
I'm curious in regards to this series of tales, how many reviews do each release garner? And of those, what percentage are guys verses gals?
Comment Written 16-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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Stars should refresh to six tomorrow. You only get six a week. I usually get about 8 reviews per chapter, not bad since I can not promote this daily. About half male and half female. Most of you seem to like it, but a couple think I am off base in a few spots. My friends like you have really stepped up and helped me out! I appreciate it so much.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Morgan is still getting to rock bottom and very close. I'm trying to figure out who his rescuer will be. I do think Anderson is the murderer.
Somebody is setting me up and setting me up good. (Dummy, if you know this then figure out what's going on.)
If he talked to her he would want her to fall back into old habits and he knew she would let him. (comma after 'her')
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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Morgan is still getting to rock bottom and very close. I'm trying to figure out who his rescuer will be. I do think Anderson is the murderer.
Somebody is setting me up and setting me up good. (Dummy, if you know this then figure out what's going on.)
If he talked to her he would want her to fall back into old habits and he knew she would let him. (comma after 'her')
Comment Written 16-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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Thank you! I can always count on you to find something. Appreciate it.
I have around 8 steady viewers. So far, nearly everyone thinks it is somebody in his department. I will reveal
some decent clues before I asks for final guesses.
Comment from Julie Helms
You can tell he has something of a good detective in him, because even fired he's still investigating.
Great character development of Sweet Sugar.
Finally got my edits in while there was still some $$ available! :-)
Pearl earrings. (No cap)
Her hair was braided and she looked (braided, and she...)
over-exaggerated look of disbelief. (overexaggerated)
Knew I was a high dollar ho. (high-dollar ho)
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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You can tell he has something of a good detective in him, because even fired he's still investigating.
Great character development of Sweet Sugar.
Finally got my edits in while there was still some $$ available! :-)
Pearl earrings. (No cap)
Her hair was braided and she looked (braided, and she...)
over-exaggerated look of disbelief. (overexaggerated)
Knew I was a high dollar ho. (high-dollar ho)
Comment Written 16-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2024
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More great fixes and a sixes! Ha. You are such a doll. I appreciate you, Julie!