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Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Splash!"2nd Place Finish
8 total reviews
Comment from Soledadpaz
My, Morgan can't catch a break! A few thoughts:
Perhaps delete "without pause." First paragraph shows he is being pulled in two directions, a nanosecond of hesitation.
Perhaps: (turned upright) as it sank
Typo: (broken) in the impact
Perhaps; seen (that) look
Typo: efforts were for (naught)
Suggest: the little girl begins to cough, whoever is doing cpr turns her on her side and then up comes the sea water. If you vomit while on your back you can aspirate the contents and that leads to another world of complications.
Perhaps on revision add more detail on how he swam with the two females and how he got the lady up the ladder.
Poor Morgan. Now he really needs to dry out!
Sol
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2024
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My, Morgan can't catch a break! A few thoughts:
Perhaps delete "without pause." First paragraph shows he is being pulled in two directions, a nanosecond of hesitation.
Perhaps: (turned upright) as it sank
Typo: (broken) in the impact
Perhaps; seen (that) look
Typo: efforts were for (naught)
Suggest: the little girl begins to cough, whoever is doing cpr turns her on her side and then up comes the sea water. If you vomit while on your back you can aspirate the contents and that leads to another world of complications.
Perhaps on revision add more detail on how he swam with the two females and how he got the lady up the ladder.
Poor Morgan. Now he really needs to dry out!
Sol
Comment Written 29-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2024
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Great help, my friend! See you at the last chapter. You're gonna like it!
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
Okay, you wanna make him a hero to show he ain;t all bad. The bad guys caused the wreck and in the midst of it, not thinking of himself, he risked his life to help them. His lawyer will still have a big job. If it goes that far. Karen
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
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Okay, you wanna make him a hero to show he ain;t all bad. The bad guys caused the wreck and in the midst of it, not thinking of himself, he risked his life to help them. His lawyer will still have a big job. If it goes that far. Karen
Comment Written 24-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
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That is the twist . . .but there is more to this than meets the eye. Thanks for the great rating!
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You are my hero! Karen
Comment from Terry Broxson
Morgan, to the rescue. Never a doubt in my mind. But what about the mother? If you want her to survive, and I hope you do. I think you need to consider her survival or death to be part of this chapter. Unless, you have a grand plan for her. Good Job. Terry.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
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Morgan, to the rescue. Never a doubt in my mind. But what about the mother? If you want her to survive, and I hope you do. I think you need to consider her survival or death to be part of this chapter. Unless, you have a grand plan for her. Good Job. Terry.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
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It?s the twist inside of the twist!
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Oh my! Now Douglas, that is really twisted. Terry.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
WOW!! oh WOW!!! Morgan is definitely on the radar now, but as a hero. I'm sure the police department won't see it that way. The intensity of this was excellent.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
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WOW!! oh WOW!!! Morgan is definitely on the radar now, but as a hero. I'm sure the police department won't see it that way. The intensity of this was excellent.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
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Thanks, Barbara! I am glad you are into this!
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Well told. You presented the action scene in a very credible fashion. Morgan's heroics were super, but not superhuman. Good work.
Best wishes to you and Morgan!
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
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Well told. You presented the action scene in a very credible fashion. Morgan's heroics were super, but not superhuman. Good work.
Best wishes to you and Morgan!
Comment Written 24-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
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Thanks, Wayne. We are racing to the finish!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Yes, it all came back to me the scene in which Morgan was practising holding his breath underwater. Everything happens for a purpose! What a superman he is! But with heroism, comes notoriety which is not what he wants right now! Small edt: My years of swimming tell (no 's'). Another exciting, action-packed chapter. Well done! Debbie
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
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Yes, it all came back to me the scene in which Morgan was practising holding his breath underwater. Everything happens for a purpose! What a superman he is! But with heroism, comes notoriety which is not what he wants right now! Small edt: My years of swimming tell (no 's'). Another exciting, action-packed chapter. Well done! Debbie
Comment Written 24-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
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Great catch! Thank you, Debbie!
Comment from Tom Horonzy
And what of the mother of the child? Dead? Oh me. She shouldn't be. and will there be charges posted on Morgie for racing even though he was being attacked? More questions needing answers. I'll wait.
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
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And what of the mother of the child? Dead? Oh me. She shouldn't be. and will there be charges posted on Morgie for racing even though he was being attacked? More questions needing answers. I'll wait.
Comment Written 24-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
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These and more exciting questions! Tune in tomorrow?
Comment from Julie Helms
Yay, Morgan! He did something selfless. He's a hero! I love the 'giving away' of his miracle. The action kept me glued till the end. Nice job!
Julie :-)
built in metal rung sea ladder (built-in metal-rung sea ladder)
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
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Yay, Morgan! He did something selfless. He's a hero! I love the 'giving away' of his miracle. The action kept me glued till the end. Nice job!
Julie :-)
built in metal rung sea ladder (built-in metal-rung sea ladder)
Comment Written 24-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 24-Mar-2024
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Thanks, Julie! My war with hyphens continues.