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Viewing comments for Chapter 25 "Proper Mindset "2nd Place Finish
9 total reviews
Comment from Soledadpaz
Morgan is a hero and he's being treated like yesterday's garbage. A few thoughts:
"We'll run the heater on high." Says so much in such few words. I can hear the sour cop saying that.
Does Morgan keep his blankets? Or is he given dry clothes at the station? A cup of hot coffee? If he's hyperthermic, he won't be sounding so chipper.
Morgan now goes from bad to worse. At least he's got Tam in his corner.
Sol
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2024
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Morgan is a hero and he's being treated like yesterday's garbage. A few thoughts:
"We'll run the heater on high." Says so much in such few words. I can hear the sour cop saying that.
Does Morgan keep his blankets? Or is he given dry clothes at the station? A cup of hot coffee? If he's hyperthermic, he won't be sounding so chipper.
Morgan now goes from bad to worse. At least he's got Tam in his corner.
Sol
Comment Written 29-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 29-Mar-2024
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Awesome suggestions!
Comment from CrystieCookie999
I think this chapter flows well with action and some suspense. Morgan is going to have a tough haul in jail, being as he is a detective. This made me want to read more of your writing.
A small suggestion:
"You're getting what you deserve you son-of-a-bitch."
I would put a comma after deserve.
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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I think this chapter flows well with action and some suspense. Morgan is going to have a tough haul in jail, being as he is a detective. This made me want to read more of your writing.
A small suggestion:
"You're getting what you deserve you son-of-a-bitch."
I would put a comma after deserve.
Comment Written 27-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2024
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Thank you! This 30 chapters in 30 days has been a hefty lift. Appreciate the grammar catch. D
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Oh dear, for the first time, I really do feel a bit sorry for Morgan. He really did deserve better medical treatment than that. And Tate certainly hates his guts doesn't he...with a motive? I might have to shift my position regarding the serial killer (but, no, not quite yet:)) Can't believe this is getting so close to the end. Can you? Another great chapter! Thanks, Debbie
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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Oh dear, for the first time, I really do feel a bit sorry for Morgan. He really did deserve better medical treatment than that. And Tate certainly hates his guts doesn't he...with a motive? I might have to shift my position regarding the serial killer (but, no, not quite yet:)) Can't believe this is getting so close to the end. Can you? Another great chapter! Thanks, Debbie
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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Thanks, Debbie! It has been a haul!
Comment from Karen Cherry Threadgill
It doesn't make sense that they are not watching their P.'s and Q.'s with Morgan so he doesn't get off on one of their many mistakes. The emergency people had the upper hand and should have kept him to get him proper treatment. It is on tape and pictures that they stopped his treatment, and was rough handled. Karen
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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It doesn't make sense that they are not watching their P.'s and Q.'s with Morgan so he doesn't get off on one of their many mistakes. The emergency people had the upper hand and should have kept him to get him proper treatment. It is on tape and pictures that they stopped his treatment, and was rough handled. Karen
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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You certainly can?t get off as a serial killer on mistreatment, but he could have a hell of a lawsuit. Tate is an ass and unfortunately I knew agents exactly like him.
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
You have symbols in your author notes. It happens when you copy and paste.
I enjoyed this chapter... it's suspenseful. It made me a little anxious for Morgan. I hope he gets a good lawyer. How come he didn't ask for a lawyer in the interrogation room? I don't want him to go to jail and get beat up because he is a detective.
Hurry with the next chapter lol
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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You have symbols in your author notes. It happens when you copy and paste.
I enjoyed this chapter... it's suspenseful. It made me a little anxious for Morgan. I hope he gets a good lawyer. How come he didn't ask for a lawyer in the interrogation room? I don't want him to go to jail and get beat up because he is a detective.
Hurry with the next chapter lol
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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Thanks for the heads up!
Comment from Terry Broxson
Douglas, another good chapter. You got it flowing really well right now. Look at the paragraph, "A flash bulb..."Sinner or Saint..." I think you might want to tag that quote. Did you intend for the photographer to say that line, or were you being kind of artistic, and the camera was saying that. You might want to clarify who gets the tag. Well done. Terry.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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Douglas, another good chapter. You got it flowing really well right now. Look at the paragraph, "A flash bulb..."Sinner or Saint..." I think you might want to tag that quote. Did you intend for the photographer to say that line, or were you being kind of artistic, and the camera was saying that. You might want to clarify who gets the tag. Well done. Terry.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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Yes, nice catch, Terry! Thank you!
Douglas
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I'm going with Ronny Tate as the murder. Darrin Belzar may be a close second suspect. I still not sure about the reporter. He seems to show up at exactly the right times. Still don't like Anderson. Love the story.
He himself was on a stretcher, (He, himself, probably both or just rewrite to be sure.)
We'll run the heater on high." Tate aggressively grabbed Morgan by the shoulder and pulled him up from the stretcher. (You can omit 'up' it's understood.)
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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I'm going with Ronny Tate as the murder. Darrin Belzar may be a close second suspect. I still not sure about the reporter. He seems to show up at exactly the right times. Still don't like Anderson. Love the story.
He himself was on a stretcher, (He, himself, probably both or just rewrite to be sure.)
We'll run the heater on high." Tate aggressively grabbed Morgan by the shoulder and pulled him up from the stretcher. (You can omit 'up' it's understood.)
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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Thanks for the awesome catches! We are getting there!
Comment from Julie Helms
I have to say those officers are not behaving very professionally. Poor Morgan may not survive the weekend if they really plan to lock him up alongside criminals he's put in there. Good sympathy building in this chapter. And I like Tamra's injection of hope/love.
"Will the judge give you bail?" Now he could hear hope.
(Technically you've tagged this as him speaking because "he" is the first person following the quote. I would leave this untagged...it's obvious it was her, and save the hope for the next line item...)
Your money would go a long ways," she figured.
(She figured is a *meh* tag.
"...long ways." She sounded hopeful.)
Cameras ain't gonna save you in county
(I would capitalize County since you are using it as a proper name)
Nice job!
Julie :-)
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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I have to say those officers are not behaving very professionally. Poor Morgan may not survive the weekend if they really plan to lock him up alongside criminals he's put in there. Good sympathy building in this chapter. And I like Tamra's injection of hope/love.
"Will the judge give you bail?" Now he could hear hope.
(Technically you've tagged this as him speaking because "he" is the first person following the quote. I would leave this untagged...it's obvious it was her, and save the hope for the next line item...)
Your money would go a long ways," she figured.
(She figured is a *meh* tag.
"...long ways." She sounded hopeful.)
Cameras ain't gonna save you in county
(I would capitalize County since you are using it as a proper name)
Nice job!
Julie :-)
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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Thanks! Had a few issues writing this one.
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Darn! Didn't get much investigatin' accomplished.
Well written chapter. Good work.
A couple fights and brawls ought to warm him up a bit.
Best wishes.
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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Darn! Didn't get much investigatin' accomplished.
Well written chapter. Good work.
A couple fights and brawls ought to warm him up a bit.
Best wishes.
Comment Written 25-Mar-2024
reply by the author on 25-Mar-2024
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Some prison live will warm the soul. Ha!