Hell Wind
The wind burns people.4 total reviews
Comment from jim vecchio
Another very imaginative short tale! A couple of sentences need reworking:
A wind struck them hard like if there were rocks that had hot them. Did you mean something like: "A wind struck them like hot rocks"? also:
"All of them have screamed not knew what to do." More grammatically correct would be: "All of them screamed and did not know what to do."
reply by the author on 15-May-2024
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Another very imaginative short tale! A couple of sentences need reworking:
A wind struck them hard like if there were rocks that had hot them. Did you mean something like: "A wind struck them like hot rocks"? also:
"All of them have screamed not knew what to do." More grammatically correct would be: "All of them screamed and did not know what to do."
Comment Written 15-May-2024
reply by the author on 15-May-2024
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Corrections made. Thank you for your help and review!
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I never try to put words in your writing for you, just explaining the things that many reviewers look out for.
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I know, but your suggestions are helpful.
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Just let me know if I become a pest!
Comment from nomi338
Does not sound like a place I would ever want to be caught in. I would give it a wide berth no matter what. I have nothing but pity for anyone unlucky enough to be trapped there. Especially anyone there who could not leave in time to escape death and destruction.
reply by the author on 15-May-2024
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Does not sound like a place I would ever want to be caught in. I would give it a wide berth no matter what. I have nothing but pity for anyone unlucky enough to be trapped there. Especially anyone there who could not leave in time to escape death and destruction.
Comment Written 15-May-2024
reply by the author on 15-May-2024
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Thank you!
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
Your story of the Hell Wind builds up during the piece, presenting by the end a very apocalyptic scene. I would be careful not to repeat certain words such as 'destroyed' and find alternative ones to make your prose richer and more vivid. Otherwise this is well done. Take care Debbie
reply by the author on 15-May-2024
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Your story of the Hell Wind builds up during the piece, presenting by the end a very apocalyptic scene. I would be careful not to repeat certain words such as 'destroyed' and find alternative ones to make your prose richer and more vivid. Otherwise this is well done. Take care Debbie
Comment Written 15-May-2024
reply by the author on 15-May-2024
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Thank you for your review!
Comment from royowen
Watch your tenses Raul, there are a lot of syntax errors, quite disappointing really.but you are having a go, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : In Virginia (is) going different places, are? 2: as if (they) were rocks. There? 3: their own (two) feet (4)The wind (burns) destroyed? 6: the animals are (burning) destroyed? 7: The plants are (destroyed also)
8: (mother nature cause, everything is gone) The fires destroyed most things?
reply by the author on 15-May-2024
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Watch your tenses Raul, there are a lot of syntax errors, quite disappointing really.but you are having a go, well done, blessings Roy
Typo : In Virginia (is) going different places, are? 2: as if (they) were rocks. There? 3: their own (two) feet (4)The wind (burns) destroyed? 6: the animals are (burning) destroyed? 7: The plants are (destroyed also)
8: (mother nature cause, everything is gone) The fires destroyed most things?
Comment Written 15-May-2024
reply by the author on 15-May-2024
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I have made the changes. Thank you for your help and review! Can you please revise it? I hope that it is better now. Thank you, my friend!
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Much better, but you still have to watch your tenses. Destroying is present, your story is past tense, destroyed should be used, don?t mix tenses, blessings
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Okay, I have made the story in past tense. Can you please revise it again?
