Reviews from

Microcosmic Apocalypse

Existence is fragile.

17 total reviews 
Comment from giraffmang
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi there,

A very effective piece of writing here and I can see how it won, and deservedly so.

For me though, I'd remove the final couple of lines and leave the piece after playground. It doesn't always need spelled out and I knew it was ants pretty early on, but if even not the piece would leave a stronger impression without the lines.

All the best
GMG

 Comment Written 10-Jun-2024


reply by the author on 10-Jun-2024
    Wise counsel, G. Edited. Thank you. - Jamison
Comment from Sally Law
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Congratulations on another win! I thought, maybe, by your wording it was ants, but contined, hoping it wasn't the humans. Well, it was the end of the ants kingdom in this one. At least in the apocalypse, we will have heaven for those born again in Christ.
Sending you my best today as always,
Sal :)) xo

 Comment Written 09-Jun-2024


reply by the author on 16-Jun-2024
    Many thanks, Sal. I hope we humans wise up before we end up like those ants. Take care! - Jamison
Comment from BethShelby
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is good and it should like horrible disaster but we tend to assume those little creature don't deal with the thoughts and emotions we do so if we spent a lot of time thinks about their demise we have no time for the pleasure of life. Thanks for the dramatic story which brings them to our level.

 Comment Written 09-Jun-2024


reply by the author on 10-Jun-2024
    Thanks, Beth. I appreciate this thoughtful review. - Jamison
Comment from Wendy G
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Excellent. Very vivid and gripping account of this apocalyptic devastation. And it was an ant mound! Yet one feels for them too - often maligned yet they are so hard working and committed to their team mates. I sort felt so sorry for them too!
Wendy

 Comment Written 09-Jun-2024


reply by the author on 09-Jun-2024
    What a surprise and an honor, Wendy. These six stars are incredible! Thank you for your kindness and support. Take care. - Jamison

    P.S. A giant congratulations on your seal achievement. No one deserves it more than you. You're one of our best.
reply by Wendy G on 09-Jun-2024
    Thank you Jamison. What a nice comment re the Seal! I thought your story was wonderful and informative at the same time, about ant behaviour. I really liked the way your dénouement shocked me! The suspense build-up was excellent.
    Wendy
Comment from Brenda Strauser
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Wow. What a powerful poem. This is written well. The poem is descriptive and easy to follow along. I see why you placed first. It's well deserved great job.

 Comment Written 08-Jun-2024


reply by the author on 09-Jun-2024
    Many thanks, Brenda. I appreciate your kind words. - Jamison
Comment from Sharon Elwell
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Well done again! The reader gets the sense early on that we aren't talking about humans, but the final revelation is satisfying and the pacing is just right.

 Comment Written 08-Jun-2024


reply by the author on 09-Jun-2024
    What an honor for me to get another six stars! Thank you for reading these stories, Sharon. Have a great week! - Jamison
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I enjoyed this clever post as we were lead into thinking this was the end of the human world, only to find out it is about an ant colony, insects that we have no regard for. Congratulations on your win, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 08-Jun-2024


reply by the author on 09-Jun-2024
    Thanks Dolly. The contests have been fun, and I am grateful for the wins.

    Take care. - Jamison
Comment from tfawcus
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Good heightened tension suggested by your short sentences and sentence fragments.
Suggestion: They died in the dark(,) running for their lives.
You're on a roll with these contests. Congratulations!
Splendid twist in the tail of this one. I wouldn't have seen it coming but for your title.

 Comment Written 08-Jun-2024


reply by the author on 08-Jun-2024
    Thanks, Tony. It's feast or famine with the contests; I'll enjoy it while it lasts.

    I added the comma. Thanks. Take care. - Jamison
Comment from Wayne Fowler
Excellent
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Very interesting. I have a fictional ant story started. (Am I allowed to say that?) The ant culture is phenomenal.
To your story, all I did was to burn the brush pile, clearing the area of debris, totally unaware of the devastation below.

 Comment Written 07-Jun-2024


reply by the author on 08-Jun-2024
    Our actions have consequences and, often, collateral damage. Thanks, Wayne. - Jamison
Comment from Sallyo
Excellent
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I was betting on bees... but of course, the tunnels should have given it away. Good piece of flash, suggesting humanity's demise, possibly from the POV of aliens.

 Comment Written 07-Jun-2024


reply by the author on 07-Jun-2024
    Thanks, Sallyo. There certainly could be some similarities relative to how humans could be perceived by aliens-an interesting idea. - Jamison