The End of Innocence
A terrifying experience5 total reviews
Comment from Slo_6
What a sad, sick story. I swear I would last five minutes in this world if I were a woman. Scary. Gross.
You make it clear that this is a different era with different rules. Still, I think this sentence could use some additional context or explanation, "An Irish doctor with a hot temper was rumored to have kicked and punched an assistant." The next sentence explains that, "Doctors considered themselves gods..." but I still feel like I want to know more. Was it just a rumor? Were people fearful of violence around this person?
Also, I'm not sure about the word levitate here, "I levitated 2 feet horizontally..."
But pretty good writing, overall.
** This reviewer has pledged to rate in accordance with site guidelines.**
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2024
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What a sad, sick story. I swear I would last five minutes in this world if I were a woman. Scary. Gross.
You make it clear that this is a different era with different rules. Still, I think this sentence could use some additional context or explanation, "An Irish doctor with a hot temper was rumored to have kicked and punched an assistant." The next sentence explains that, "Doctors considered themselves gods..." but I still feel like I want to know more. Was it just a rumor? Were people fearful of violence around this person?
Also, I'm not sure about the word levitate here, "I levitated 2 feet horizontally..."
But pretty good writing, overall.
** This reviewer has pledged to rate in accordance with site guidelines.**
Comment Written 08-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 08-Dec-2024
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To answer your question, yes, women were afraid of violence. However, he hit a Mormon girl, and she decked him. He didn't have her fired. I moved very quickly when I worked for him on Saturday mornings. Most of us were terrified. As far as levitating, I felt like I flew pumped by adrenalin horizontally away from the hungry fingers. I still feel like I escaped by sheer luck. Thanks for reviewing.
Comment from joann r romei
Unbelievable, what is with some men? women who worked endured so much just to be able to feed their families back then, however times have gotten better, but I really wonder sometimes.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2024
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Unbelievable, what is with some men? women who worked endured so much just to be able to feed their families back then, however times have gotten better, but I really wonder sometimes.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2024
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Yep I agree. Thanks for your time writing a review.
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Your story does a great job of showing the fear of that moment. I could feel that discomfort you must have experienced. I was especially struck by the way you described the administrator. The contrast between your initial confidence and the sudden terror of being alone with him felt very real. It's clear how much this memory has stayed with you, even after so many years. You've done a great job of capturing the emotions. Well written!
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2024
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Your story does a great job of showing the fear of that moment. I could feel that discomfort you must have experienced. I was especially struck by the way you described the administrator. The contrast between your initial confidence and the sudden terror of being alone with him felt very real. It's clear how much this memory has stayed with you, even after so many years. You've done a great job of capturing the emotions. Well written!
Comment Written 06-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2024
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Thanks for taking the time to read my story. I appreciate it. gayla
Comment from Sarah Probe S.
very disheartening shocking story, is that not a horror script
I hope I'll turn the page and move on from the shock of reading this,
It was perfectly written though and could inspire a movie script,
Thanks for sharing your experience and work,
God bless You
Sarah
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2024
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very disheartening shocking story, is that not a horror script
I hope I'll turn the page and move on from the shock of reading this,
It was perfectly written though and could inspire a movie script,
Thanks for sharing your experience and work,
God bless You
Sarah
Comment Written 27-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 27-Nov-2024
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Thanks for the review. My heart goes out to assault survivors.
Comment from DonandVicki
Scary! It's like meeting the boogie man in a dark alley. But I'm confused, in your header it says this is fiction and the contest says that this is a true story contest? Anyway a good flash.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2024
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Scary! It's like meeting the boogie man in a dark alley. But I'm confused, in your header it says this is fiction and the contest says that this is a true story contest? Anyway a good flash.
Comment Written 26-Nov-2024
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2024
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OOPS ITS REAL