Ben Paul Persons
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Ben Paul Persons"A fresh calling
11 total reviews
Comment from Elizabeth Vucic
I was delighted to see you continue the story. I enjoy reading sagas. I was glad you included a thumbnail sketch of the first 36 chapters. This chapter is interesting from the beginning until the end. I do not see any need for improvement. Have a blessed day.
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2024
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I was delighted to see you continue the story. I enjoy reading sagas. I was glad you included a thumbnail sketch of the first 36 chapters. This chapter is interesting from the beginning until the end. I do not see any need for improvement. Have a blessed day.
Comment Written 04-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2024
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Thank you very much! I appreciate your feedback immensely.
Comment from Carol Hillebrenner
I totally believe 81 is the new 61. As newlyweds, they have a lot of life yet to live. Sounds like they have some big plans to see the whole USA. Should take the dog, however; he did save their lives. One line is rather awkward: following the leading of God's will . ..
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2024
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I totally believe 81 is the new 61. As newlyweds, they have a lot of life yet to live. Sounds like they have some big plans to see the whole USA. Should take the dog, however; he did save their lives. One line is rather awkward: following the leading of God's will . ..
Comment Written 02-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2024
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Thank you. And you are right... too many 'ing's.
Comment from Ric Myworld
Three kisses and on the road, kind of makes me think that is one of those trips that needed to go on the back burner, at least for a while. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2024
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Three kisses and on the road, kind of makes me think that is one of those trips that needed to go on the back burner, at least for a while. LOL. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2024
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Thank you. Hopefully these old geezers can offer a little excitement.
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I know the old geezer who tells their story will get that done. LOL.
Comment from jim vecchio
I missed all these characters and it's good to see them again. I always appreciate the Christian elements in the story. It ill be interesting to see what lies ahead, and which car they'll be in. The Galaxy? Thanks for reminding me how old I am by those prices.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2024
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I missed all these characters and it's good to see them again. I always appreciate the Christian elements in the story. It ill be interesting to see what lies ahead, and which car they'll be in. The Galaxy? Thanks for reminding me how old I am by those prices.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2024
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Hah! I knew that exchange would tickle the male reviewers.
Thank you for your great review.
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Thanks for your great writing.
Comment from Jim Wile
It's nice getting back to seeing some old friends again, Wayne.
I can understand your wanting to quickly catch people up on your previous stories that lead up to this one, and I'm sure your past readers appreciate it, as I do; however, I'm not sure this is the best way to attract new readers to a story.
I think a better way might have been to start with the action you hint is coming in a few chapters, and then gradually bring in the backstory as it is relevant to what is happening in the moment. I've found that unless you can hook readers fairly quickly (which unfortunately means also buying a lot of pumps for at least the first two chapters) it's hard to get lasting new readers. Telling them to wait patiently for the third chapter I don't think is the most effective way.
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2024
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It's nice getting back to seeing some old friends again, Wayne.
I can understand your wanting to quickly catch people up on your previous stories that lead up to this one, and I'm sure your past readers appreciate it, as I do; however, I'm not sure this is the best way to attract new readers to a story.
I think a better way might have been to start with the action you hint is coming in a few chapters, and then gradually bring in the backstory as it is relevant to what is happening in the moment. I've found that unless you can hook readers fairly quickly (which unfortunately means also buying a lot of pumps for at least the first two chapters) it's hard to get lasting new readers. Telling them to wait patiently for the third chapter I don't think is the most effective way.
Comment Written 02-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2024
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You're probably right. It was a trade-off. I didn't expect any new readers, though I already got one. I intend to attach this to the 'Right in the Eye'', Slim Goldman section. (This segment is 38K words.) But I did write an action scene into Ch 2. In a normal book, chapters 1-3 would all be combined (less than 10 pages). FanStory has its negatives.
It's aggravating that established authors get away with styles novices cannot.
Comment from Pam Lonsdale
Reading about the highway system going in, and the ones that exist, is interesting. It brings the reader into the time where Sylvia and Ben Paul live.
Don't split the paragraphs that begin, "Gladys over at the Collector's Office" and "She can't hardly get up her own driveway". It makes the reader think someone new is speaking.
A lot of time spent talking about which car they're going to buy, I think.
Sylvia hugged him tightly ... while she's driving?
This is a subject you've seemed most comfortable with, so I'm glad you're resurrecting it. Keep in mind his age, he can't do too much physically. All that hiking and climbing sounds exhausting even for a man who seems 70 instead of 80.
Good luck and have fun.
xo
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2024
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Reading about the highway system going in, and the ones that exist, is interesting. It brings the reader into the time where Sylvia and Ben Paul live.
Don't split the paragraphs that begin, "Gladys over at the Collector's Office" and "She can't hardly get up her own driveway". It makes the reader think someone new is speaking.
A lot of time spent talking about which car they're going to buy, I think.
Sylvia hugged him tightly ... while she's driving?
This is a subject you've seemed most comfortable with, so I'm glad you're resurrecting it. Keep in mind his age, he can't do too much physically. All that hiking and climbing sounds exhausting even for a man who seems 70 instead of 80.
Good luck and have fun.
xo
Comment Written 02-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2024
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Thank you. I'll fix the paragraph thing.
I know old people who hike (but here, he's just talking)
I thought many of the old men like me would wax nostalgic over the car purchase part. That was a very big deal for us in the 50s-70s.
Comment from lyenochka
I'm glad you are continuing this saga! It is good that you gave the background information because even for those who have been following from the beginning, it's good to get a recap as you had another book in between!
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2024
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I'm glad you are continuing this saga! It is good that you gave the background information because even for those who have been following from the beginning, it's good to get a recap as you had another book in between!
Comment Written 02-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2024
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Thank you. It was a lot to recap. I've already heard from a new reviewer who was able to hop onboard. (yay!)
Comment from Michael Ludwinder
Your chapter felt felt like catching up with old friends about to start a new adventure! I loved how you captured Ben Paul and Sylvia's. Their playful discussion about cars and their shared dreams of travel added so much charm. Your ability to blend personal moments with the promise of adventure is fantastic. I can't wait to see where Ben Paul and Sylvia's journey takes them next!
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2024
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Your chapter felt felt like catching up with old friends about to start a new adventure! I loved how you captured Ben Paul and Sylvia's. Their playful discussion about cars and their shared dreams of travel added so much charm. Your ability to blend personal moments with the promise of adventure is fantastic. I can't wait to see where Ben Paul and Sylvia's journey takes them next!
Comment Written 01-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 02-Dec-2024
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Thank you so much! And after a lady objected to the car selection length, yours was greatly uplifting. (She probably would not have complained about.... uh-oh, I almost went sexist) Sorry.
Thanks again.
Comment from Wendy G
Your summary was a good recap of the past, and it will be interesting t see what Ben Paul and Sylvia do as they approach the sunset of Ben Paul's life. This was a fine introduction to your new book.
Wendy
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2024
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Your summary was a good recap of the past, and it will be interesting t see what Ben Paul and Sylvia do as they approach the sunset of Ben Paul's life. This was a fine introduction to your new book.
Wendy
Comment Written 01-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2024
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I feel so much better having read your very kind words. I feared I'd bore people.
Thank you, thank you!
Comment from Cecilia A Heiskary
Wayne,
This is a great book. This is the first chapter I have read, It flaws nicely from beginning and it is very well written. It's easy for a new reader to get pulled into the book.
Well done.
Cecilia
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2024
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Wayne,
This is a great book. This is the first chapter I have read, It flaws nicely from beginning and it is very well written. It's easy for a new reader to get pulled into the book.
Well done.
Cecilia
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 01-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 01-Dec-2024
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Wow! What a great review. You are so kind. Thank you very much!
I bring a lot of the first parts of the book into the sections of this one.
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Wayne,
You're welcome
Cecilia