A Delusional Ride
This is a brief snippet of a trip abroad.2 total reviews
Comment from Debbie D'Arcy
I like it! I like the wildness of your imagination as you felt the world was at your feet. I particularly like the sentence: The grandeur I associated with Versailles mirrored my ambitions then: "I was chasing purpose and I thought I'd found it in a divine calling."
Then reality struck and the illusions imploded.
You have a very engaging style of writing with repetitive starts to your sentences in the beginning which pounds the story on. And you relate well to the reader by asking questions of yourself. Plus, there's the self-deprecating humour towards the end which I always enjoy. In short, an excellent piece. And a strong contender! Good luck! Debbie.
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2024
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I like it! I like the wildness of your imagination as you felt the world was at your feet. I particularly like the sentence: The grandeur I associated with Versailles mirrored my ambitions then: "I was chasing purpose and I thought I'd found it in a divine calling."
Then reality struck and the illusions imploded.
You have a very engaging style of writing with repetitive starts to your sentences in the beginning which pounds the story on. And you relate well to the reader by asking questions of yourself. Plus, there's the self-deprecating humour towards the end which I always enjoy. In short, an excellent piece. And a strong contender! Good luck! Debbie.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 14-Dec-2024
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Thank you, Debbie. I really appreciate that you enjoyed my post. My reason for joining this site was to hone my skills as a writer as I prepare for the long haul of landing an agent. I really appreciate the kind words, but where do you think my writing could improve?
Comment from lancellot
This is an interesting summary of a difficult time, and a learning experience for a young person. But as a story, it is lacking in detail and context. We, the readers, are only given a (and you're correct here) a brief narrative snippet of what happened, not why or how things progressed and regressed. The story is incomplete.
What I mean: From the story, we don't know the person's name, age, features, sex, origin or backstory. Nor what happened after: the resolution. Did this person meet people in Paris, who helped, who hurt? We don't even know when this took place.
I think it would be a moving story if fleshed out. Good luck in the contest.
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This is an interesting summary of a difficult time, and a learning experience for a young person. But as a story, it is lacking in detail and context. We, the readers, are only given a (and you're correct here) a brief narrative snippet of what happened, not why or how things progressed and regressed. The story is incomplete.
What I mean: From the story, we don't know the person's name, age, features, sex, origin or backstory. Nor what happened after: the resolution. Did this person meet people in Paris, who helped, who hurt? We don't even know when this took place.
I think it would be a moving story if fleshed out. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2024