Claire
Historical Fiction/contest2 total reviews
Comment from lancellot
This story feels incomplete. I would suggest caution about being too telling and having an incomplete plot and resolution for a story. The elements are needed. Good luck in the contest.
Black persons were considered slaves.
-Many black people were slaves.
As the last lashes were cast out, a wagon's approach could be heard in the distance.
- add comma, it changes the meaning.
Her long black hair covered most of her body with only a fragment of the dirty and torn dress showing.
-How would this be?
"Thank you," Mr. Churchtree told the gentleman as he handed him the leash.
-"Thank you," Mr. Churchtree told the gentleman as he took the leash.
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2024
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This story feels incomplete. I would suggest caution about being too telling and having an incomplete plot and resolution for a story. The elements are needed. Good luck in the contest.
Black persons were considered slaves.
-Many black people were slaves.
As the last lashes were cast out, a wagon's approach could be heard in the distance.
- add comma, it changes the meaning.
Her long black hair covered most of her body with only a fragment of the dirty and torn dress showing.
-How would this be?
"Thank you," Mr. Churchtree told the gentleman as he handed him the leash.
-"Thank you," Mr. Churchtree told the gentleman as he took the leash.
Comment Written 22-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2024
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Her long black hair covered most of her body with only a fragment of the dirty and torn dress showing.
-How would this be?
It is not said in the story, and this is a hint, that she is not purely black. Perhaps, I should give another hint about that. She is mixed blood. Perhaps I should mention that her skin isn't as dark as expected.
incomplete plot and resolution for a story.
The plot should be obvious, she is a slave seeking escape by using the underground railroad. Mr. Churchtree is the main problem she has in the story.
resolution: The suggestion of how and when she plants to escape and why....Sometimes stories leave the ending up to the reader. This story is such a story. Do you think she escaped? How do you think she did it? Did she get away before Mr. Churchtree took advantage of her?
Thanks for the review. I'll go back and add a bit about her skin type to give the reader more insight about her heritage.
Comment from Peter Jarvis
This is a powerful and gripping start to a historical fiction story. You've successfully captured the brutality and injustice of slavery in 18th-century Virginia, creating a tense and emotionally charged atmosphere.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2024
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This is a powerful and gripping start to a historical fiction story. You've successfully captured the brutality and injustice of slavery in 18th-century Virginia, creating a tense and emotionally charged atmosphere.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2024
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2024
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Yes, I was thinking the same thing. It would be a good start to a whole story...not sure I wanna get into that right now. But thanks for the good wishes.
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Take care